Sunday, December 21, 2014

Tiny Things Which Are Huge Sometimes

Well. Well. Okay.
I went out into the world today. I just had to. Like, if I didn't, I couldn't live with myself. And I bought my kids a few presents. Nothing much. Just tinys.
I started at the hippie shop. That's what I call it, although it is really called Quarter Moon Imports and I ran into someone I've known for about twenty years and of course the owner of the shop was there and I've known her since she opened the store, twenty-five years ago. We talked about grandchildren, which is pretty funny. We're both gobsmacked at how much we love ours.
The shop smells, as all good hippie shops should, of incense and patchouli and cotton bedspreads from India. They have clothes and wall hangings and wind chimes and socks and bags and incense and candles and soap and every sort of lovely little thing. And jewelry.
I bought some of it for my babies. Like I said, just tinys.
Then I had to gird my loins and I was already breaking out in hives.
I drove to Barnes and Noble. That was pretty bad. I walked around in a state of disassociation and got one thing and had to buy one of their stupid Starbuck sandwiches (where and when are those things made?) because I needed to eat. I finally got out of there and carried my sandwich to the car and sat there and ate it, the rain falling all around me.
And then to Ross where I got a few more tinys. And then to freaking Bed, Bath, and Beyond because you have to do that.
And that was that except for the grocery store and now I'm home and it's still raining and I did it. I thought I would die but I did not die and it really wasn't crowded at all and not much traffic, probably because of the rain. Everyone seemed to be of good cheer and polite and I am most grateful for that.

Mr. Moon is in a deer stand and I've picked greens for our supper and I'm going to make deviled crab cakes and I got through this day.

Such a small thing. Such a tiny thing. To go out into the world on a Sunday, four days before Christmas on a rainy, yucky day but for me it was the equivalent of flying to China. And I didn't break down anywhere and I made appropriate conversation (I think and boy was that weird) and I didn't space out and wreck the car and I bought my babies a few things to wrap up and even got some paper to wrap them in and okay, I forgot to buy bananas at the store but I did remember to buy tomatoes and an avocado and toilet paper.

"Have a happy holiday!" the woman at the Quarter Moon said.
"That's a tall order," I replied.
Maybe she thought that was a joke.
I hope so.

Anxiety ain't no joke but sometimes I can joke about it. Sometimes I can't but today I can.

I'm pretty proud of myself in a boy-do-I-suck sort of way.

So. That's what I did today. How about you?


  1. I just changed two dirty diapers and baked a chocolate cake. I washed my hands in between. I'm going to make some icing for the cake and bring it to my friend's house tonight. She's having a party -- just girls -- so I'm looking forward to it, but I'd also like to continue lying on my bed for hours reading.

  2. I went to work. It took 3 ibuprofen and 2 extra strength Tylenol to do it but I went. Now I am home and thinking I should go clean the bathroom and tidy my bedroom.

  3. I bought a cabbage the size of a baseball and made a weird slaw. Oh and I fed the birds just like the woman I fear I'm becoming.

  4. I took a sandwich to a friend who was otherwise going to eat plain rice for supper, because that is what you do.

  5. Elizabeth- I have a fantasy of just lying on the bed and reading and reading and reading and reading and...
    So forth.
    Chocolate cake would be nice though. I hope you have a very good time tonight.
    And whenever I change a dirty diaper I think of what Ina May said which was something like, "Everything you get on your hands can be washed off."
    Amen and thank god.

    Birdie- You are being very brave, my love. Get good rest.

    Rebecca- We feed birds all damn day long. Chickens and cardinals and finches and wrens. It's okay. I hope.
    What kind of weird slaw?

    Thank Hank- Yes. Because that is what you do. I love you, baby.

  6. You are all so ambitious! I still have not washed the dishes from Friday night. However, I did drive the six miles to town, get $110 worth of groceries, ferry one son from his brother's house across town to his own group home (he has cerebral palsy and walks with elbow crutches, so it would take him forever to walk there himself even though it's only about seven blocks), drop off the recycling, drive home again and haul all the bags of groceries in before slicing potatoes and carrots into fries and putting them into the oven for supper. And now: a nice glass of relaxy wine.

  7. Put together the shopping list for the grocery store - no small feat since in three days I'll be feeding a family of five for an extended period. The made a big pot of kale soup and two loaves of cranberry nut bread. Actually accomplished very little today but I'm enjoying the calm before the storm of incoming relatives.

  8. I see here that this day has been had in so many ways,,,And we went to town, the bigger farther away town where I actually booked myself an appointment with an eye doctor...I need glasses, as in if I drove she would be sending the dmv the news. It went so much better than expected and I even managed to select frames without thinking negative thoughts at my reflection!!!!! Fucking hell, that is an accomplishment...And we worked on not getting cranky and it worked? Who are we?!?

  9. I finished my Christmas shopping streak of NOT ONE STORE visited with Amazon so I don't have to mess with people out in the stores. Going to the grocery store here is ridiculous with traffic and people. but I'll do that in the early morning tomorrow.

    5 more days and we can all relax a bit.

  10. I baked some chocolate cupcakes and made soup for an old dear friend who slipped on ice on her own damn front porch coming home from work last night and broke her ankle in three places. Curled up in bed with her most of the afternoon, held her close, held her head as she puked up the pain pills and promised it will all be ok....Eventually. *sigh*

  11. Damn -that's a lot of shopping for ANYONE. I'd be in hives too. I couldn't bear it at all today.

    Are you and Mr Moon leaving town this year? I thought you were heading to the shore.

  12. If I had to forget either bananas or toilet paper, I would forget the bananas too.

    Good on you for getting out there and back in one piece.

  13. Stubblejumpin Gal- Pour another. You deserve it.

    Marty Damon- You done good, baby.

    Big Mamabird- HUGE accomplishment! I salute you!

    Ashley- Yes we will.

    Camille- Now that is love. You are good.

    SJ- Did I get it together to go to the beach? No. I did not. And hell, it's raining anyway. Still, I wish I was there. MAKE ME DO IT NEXT YEAR!

  14. Um, you bet your ass you'll be doing that next year and I may be with you.

  15. I tried to clean up some mud from the flooded downstairs, and I looked at the neighbor's 100 foot tree that just missed their house when it fell, and I am about to gather boughs to cobble together into a Solstice tree, and try to keep all the basics going and not have a panic attack over all that must be done tonight, tomorrow, the next day, etc., etc. Straighten up and breathe.

  16. jenny-o- Nor did I injure another human being. Praise the Lord!

    SJ- This could happen.

    A- I cannot even believe the things you are going through right now. I wish I could help you. It's just too much! I am thinking of you. Bless you, baby.

  17. I think your day went from challenging to HEROIC BEYOND ALL MEASURE when you went to bed bath and BEYOND. That place, well, it's not for the timid. High Five, Ms. Moon. If you were in this area I'd give you a massage.
    Glad tidings of the season!

  18. I am going to Costco Monday or Tuesday to buy my son a juicer and he is going to buy me a juicer, because that is what he wants for Christmas. I want a juicer too, not at the top of my list, the top of my list would be go to the beach and pretend it is summer. It is all so silly the juicer thing that is. Gail

  19. Honeybunch-

    It'll be over soon, I promise. I'm heading to California to see my girls.

    Loe to you and your family this year's end and the New Year's start.

    XXXX Beth

  20. I crocheted and sat in front of the TV with my husband while he caught up on all his shows that he's missed in the last two weeks. Seriously, it was all I could handle. The Crimson tide is upon me and I almost needed a pair of fins today. I hope tomorrow is better as we are going to go see the babies with their Christmas gifts.
    Sigh. I'll probably be a hot mess.

  21. Well done to you. Big hug!

    I have to do the same today, I don't mind once I'm out there, but boy, getting myself out of the house is a massive challenge. I@m delaying right now.

  22. I'm glad you went to the hippie store. Bravo for using a local retailer! As for Starbucks sandwiches, they're always so terrible and mushy and bland, but I buy them occasionally too. (They used to have a good one with turkey and cranberry sauce, but I haven't seen it in a couple of years. Maybe it's just not available in England.)

    Anyway, glad you got all that stuff done. That must feel like an immense relief.

    (And how much do you LOVE the new "I'm not a robot" commenting thing that lets you just tick the box instead of entering all those letters and numbers?! Fabulous!)

  23. Holy shit lady, you did good! I ventured out on Saturday and was dreading it so much. It ended up not being so bad. Whether that was because I had prepared myself for the worst and anything seemed ok, or it was just not bad.. I as happy to survive it.

  24. Betsy- If you gave me a massage I would follow you around like a puppy for the rest of my life. And make you cookies.

    Gail- That is...well, okay. Funny when you think about it.

    Beth Coyote- I know. Please have fun with your girls. I love you.

    heartinhand- Oh, baby. I'm sorry.

    Jo- It's like anything else, the getting out there and doing it is not as hard as the thinking about it beforehand. Usually. Not always.

    Steve Reed- They had that cranberry and turkey sandwich but I didn't get it. I guess I should have. And hey- you don't even have to mess with that box. Just hit "publish."

    Jill- We deserve halos and crowns and wings. Don't you think?

  25. You did a lot! I saw my in-laws off, tidied the house, walked the dogs, then crawled into bed at 2 and napped until dinner. Then I got right back in bed. And it was delicious to not do anything on a rainy day.


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