As much as I love having alone-time, I start to feel as if I am sinking into mud and sloth. Let's face it- I am the sort of person who needs to have someone to take care of and honestly, the chickens and the cat don't need that much care. I am going to have to force myself to get out of the house more, out of Lloyd, in fact, and mostly out of my own head when he is gone.
I dreamed again last night that another tooth fell out. This is becoming so familiar. And the weird thing is how extremely realistic the feeling of the tooth in my hand is as I remove it from my mouth. And how yesterday, when that little screw cap came off, it was exactly the same.
Yes. I am a little worried that I am going insane.
Here's what I keep thinking about- the autopsy report for Robin Williams. He had no alcohol or illegal drugs in his system when he killed himself.
I don't know why but that information just keeps coming up in my mind like an annoying pebble in my shoe. I keep wondering- if he'd just gotten drunk and smoked some dope, maybe he wouldn't have killed himself.
Or maybe he would have. Perhaps if he hadn't gotten sober he would have killed himself sooner.
No one can ever know but honestly, it's not my business and I don't even know why I'm thinking about it, much less writing about it but it's a bothersome thing to my soul.
The human mind and spirit is a messy, messy place and we surely don't understand as much of it as we think we do, nor do we have all the answers we think we have and I'm fairly certain that there are more shades of gray than there are areas of stark black and white, right and wrong.
Well, here's what's making me happy this morning.
Trixie is singing her little crooning song and Elvis makes a good crow every now and then and all of them are scratching in the leaves, making a determined sweet rustling sound which reminds me that there are other beings here with me. I've spoken to Hank and Jessie and Lily on the phone. My husband will be home soon.
Good morning, y'all.