Thursday, March 8, 2012


Well of course The Doctor never called back. I have come to find out that yet another practice in Tallahassee will not take home birth babies as patients and I am just feeling so...
Sad about it all.

Okay, maybe I'm still angry too. And you know what? I'll probably still be angry tomorrow.

Of course this is all about money. Probably pressure from the hospital, I'd imagine although who knows? Who knows? Not me.

I've been thinking a lot today about the concept of choice. How we use that word to represent the right for women to get abortions safely and legally. How that right is being chipped away at so steadily. And how choice is not just about abortion. Choice is also about choosing to educate ourselves about our bodies and how we want our health care managed. How we want to have our babies. How we want to live our lives.

But I keep coming back to the same thing- until we, as women, EDUCATE ourselves and define what it is that we need and we want not only for our own bodies and lives but for the lives of our children, nothing is going to change. The religious ranters and the insurance companies and the sellers of the technology are going to tell us what to do and that is not just wrong, it's sad.
Those people are not going to suddenly see the light and give us anything, whether it is our right to have insurance which covers contraception or a midwife-assisted birth in our homes.

Well. While I was internally ranting all day, I was finishing up the new baby's quilt. It is soft. It is fairly straight in all regards. It is cheerful. It is a symbol of love and warmth that I have made for this baby. A strange contrast to my thoughts.
It has been a strange day for me overall. I have been tired all day because I didn't sleep well last night and got up before dawn. I have moved slowly and deliberately and I don't feel as if I have accomplished a thing except for making this symbolic token. The baby doesn't really need another blanket. What this baby and all of our babies are going to need are education and information. Will they be able to receive THESE things in the world in which they grow up? Will someone else take on the battles that my generation thought we had either won or made headway on?

I don't know. And perhaps my job was to do what I did, which was to break with the status quo and have my babies at home and help other women to do the same when we had to hide our carefully kept prenatal, birth, and postnatal records hidden for fear of arrest. To order my own fetascope and midwifery textbooks from Britain because those were the only midwifery textbooks available at the time. To pour over Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin so many times that I could still probably recite it in my sleep. To believe that my body was exquisitely developed through eons and ages to create and deliver life, but to also be aware of the signs which might indicate problems which needed to be attended to by medical doctors.
To have faith in my body, in women's bodies in general. To believe in the innate wisdom of women's bodies.
We were not given choice, we TOOK it.

Oh hell. I don't know. I'm just an aging woman who is probably too tired to write, who has had a day of disappointment in someone she believed in.
Who has once again been shown that as cynical as she thinks she is, there is even more out there to be cynical about.

I need to go make supper and put this day to rest. Tomorrow my thoughts will be more organized, perhaps my spirits will be better.

But I think that despite my inability to express myself as well as I would want, there is absolute truth in what I said about education and how we must take it upon ourselves, not just as women! but as human beings, so that we can make the proper choices in all ways for ourselves and our children.

And to not just trust "the man" as we used to say, to make our choices for us.



  1. Amen, Ms. Moon...I'm with you on every single count here...

  2. Amen. Or some other expression without the letters, M-E-N.

  3. I'm sorry to hear this. And I don't think you're cynical at all because you've got a lot of hope and resolve and cynics generally have neither. I think we should strip the word "choice" from all discussions pertaining to birth, abortion, healthcare, etc. because it's not really about "choice." It's about control and conformity -- I think your admonition to educate is an excellent one -- without it, we're doomed to narrow our lives down to "choice."

  4. I've missed this line of thoughts you have written and I must go back and start at the beginning.

    What crazy thing for any Dr. to not care for a child because they were born at home?! Crazy and I can't blame you for being ticked off!!

    How can anyone deny that care? I suppose there are not clinics that would do this? Did the midwife have a Dr. she could recommend who backs up home birthing? I know my midwife always had a prenatal Dr. and a Pedi. who didn't have an issue with a baby born at home.

    Oh what kind of day and age do we live in anyway?

    Have you posted a picture of your quilt for baby? If so I had better get busy reading back a ways and see what you have created.

  5. Just saw this quote and thought it pertained to this: "I do not wish them to have power over men; but over themselves.”

    ~18th-century philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft from A Vindication of the Rights of Woman.

  6. They need education and strength but they need those quilts too. my 13 year old granddaughter brings her baby quilt to me for repairs every so often. I guess I need to make another round for the now not baby grands.

  7. Ahhhwomyn (that one's for Denise). I'm sad, too. Brings to mind one of my favorite bumper stickers, "U.S. Government Out of My Uterus."

    I'm sad that Lily has to find another doctor when she trusted the one she already had. I'm sad he betrayed her trust.

    But I'm ecstatic she has you for a mom, a loving and knowing woman who is her champion. Together you will overcome this and she will find the right doctor for her children. And, goddess willing, she won't need one very often anyway!

  8. I'm as pissed off as I can be about this, as a woman and a mother.

    I'm sorry you got disappointed so badly by you know who. That really sucks.

    Tomorrow is another day love. It will be ok.

  9. Absolutely, positively, AMEN. I had planned a homebirth with my first (had to opt out at 4 months pregnant due to blood clotting issue) and when I told some friends at work, my boss, who I dearly love, called me into her office to tell me how worried she was. It was a great opportunity for me to cite statistics and share my excitement. She was still concerned though. I hated that I couldn't have my homebirth in the end, because I was so looking forward to showing her and all the other doubters that it's safe. Maybe I did that anyway, because I responded reasonably when faced with a medical need. Anyway, just...ugh.

  10. it's a bad and sad situation, no other way around it. Messed up. A very sad turn of events.


  11. Home births and mid-wives are normal practice around the entire world. Having a baby is not a medical condition. It is funny that the U.S considers themselves so ahead of anywhere else in the world and yet...
    I hope you sleep tonight.

  12. I just thought of you about a General Practitioner or a Nurse Practitioner?

  13. I think that the idea of educating and expressing what we want is true for all of us, not just women's issues. So many people are led like sheep because they believe all that they are told by corporations, insurance companies, etc. We have to do research and ask questions and think for ourselves.

  14. Ms. Moon I'm so irritated and sad for Lily.

    I can't help but think that these doctor/clinics refusal of care may be illegal. At the very least it is against the oath they've taken. I'm sure that this new policy has been induced due to pressure from the doctor's malpractice insurance and lawyers inciting fear of lawsuits. I see everyday how insurance companies dictate our care and dictate how doctors practice.

    The medical community in general has forgotten that ultimately the patient is a consumer. You treat people with respect, educate and give options but the final decision for care is up to the patient.

    Good luck and I'm so happy Lily has you there to support her.

  15. I second Elizabeth.

    That baby blanket- the idea of it, your words about it- made me feel so safe and warm. LOVE.

  16. Shit, Miss Moon. I agree. I agree. I agree. I'm having mine in a Birth Center because there were so very few homebirth midwives to call, fewer who called back, fewer still who I could afford as nothing outside of the business centers- er, hospitals- is covered by my insurance. I'm just sorry it took me until baby #2 to dare to educate myself. God, I hope information and empowerment regains steam and ultra importance. We, our society, is floundering.


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