Worship

Here it is:
If you do not believe that Jesus Christ is the way to eternal life and salvation, you just shouldn't go to a Christian church.

Period and The End.

That's all there is to it. You can talk to me all day long about how okay, Jesus was a really wise and holy guy who had lots of good ideas and how I shouldn't judge all religions on one church but it's not going to make a difference.

I just do not believe in religion and I do not want to go to church.

The god thing- I have no idea. But if there is GOD, to my mind, he or she or IT is not to be found in church on a Sunday morning.
That's it. I'm sorry.

No I'm not. I am not sorry at all.

But I went. I did it. I cried when Owen got dressed in his gown. NOT A DRESS! A gown. He was gorgeous. I cried because he was gorgeous and I love him so much.



Owen is gorgeous whether he is in a diaper, naked, or in a his pajamas, his overalls or a gown. He's a baby. Babies are gorgeous.
Lily was beautiful. Jason was proud and handsome.



Mr. Moon and I dressed up in our ceremonial garb which was entirely unnecessary because it was a casual service and there was a Christian rock band. But hell's bells: if my grandson and daughter were going to be baptized, I was going to wear my black dress with the red lining and a camellia in my hair.

The sermon's message today was Truth Decay. Adultery, sex outside of marriage, the lies about global warming and also athletes' use of performance enhancing drugs were mentioned. Praise songs were sung. Lyrics were beamed to the wall to follow along with. No hymnals necessary. God, the son and the holy spirit were mentioned. Owen and Lily were blessed with water.
My favorite part was when Jessie danced up to the altar and received holy communion. Jessie wants to experience it ALL. She came back to the pew and said, "Jesus doesn't taste very good." I said, "Girl, you're not supposed to chew Jesus. You're supposed to let him melt on your tongue."
"Oh!" she said. "No one told me."

My bad.

Anyway, we did it. We got Owen baptized and Lily too. They were both well-behaved. Then we went to lunch. And that was fun.

When we got home I felt overwhelmed with the joy of being here. I wanted to clean out the chicken coop and plant Swiss Chard.


I wanted to do laundry and make bread. I wanted to dream about what my garden is going to look like when Mr. Moon fences it all in and I can paint the gate in beautiful colors and what it will look like when the peas and beans and cucumbers are growing on the fence. My husband is doing such a good job with the fencing and he is setting in new lines for the irrigation. He does things straight and true. Not because he is afraid that if he doesn't do right he will not go to heaven, but because that is the way he is.


I wanted to go out with the camera and take pictures of the sun going down and setting fire to the trees where I live.

I wanted to catch the robin on the fallen log which encloses the area where the ferns grow.


I wanted to see what the camera could do with a cardinal on a branch.


And on the feeder.


I wanted to go see my chickens.


I wanted to LOOK UP and let my soul praise the magnolia.

I wanted to shout that I do not need to fear holy hell to live a full life. I wanted to say that the glories of this earth have nothing to do with rules and fear at all, but instead with the opening of the bud, the face of the baby, the holding of the hand, the ear on the chest to hear the heartbeat of the one you love, the full moon resting on the night sky like a diamond on a jeweler's black-velvet case, the seed in the dirt, the egg in the nest, the bird whose throat opens to the song it sings into the air for joy, for lust, for love.

I wanted to say that instead of going to a place with beige walls and a sound system to worship, it would be better for me to get on my knees to plant or weed something. I wanted to say that Jesus may have been a good man but so is my husband and so is Owen's father. I wanted to say that the holy ghost is a mystery to me but so are the tides and the seasons.

And I did all of those things. I did them just now. I have shouted, I have said. I have planted, I have baked. I have washed, I have listened, I have seen, I have heard. I have collected five perfect eggs and I have anointed my newly planted Swiss chard with holy water.

It was a good day. I learned a lot. Mostly that I am ecstatic with the knowledge that I do not ever need to go back into a church again, but can spend my Sundays in a completely different kind of worship which is as deep and powerful and as high and as glorious as anything I can imagine. Right here at home. Or wherever I am if there is sky, if there is dirt, if there is water, if there is light, if there is life.

Need I even say it?

Amen.