TMI But WTF?

When I went to town I had one thing on my mind- to get something to wear under my dress and Target was my destination. But on my way in, I realized I was going to drive right past the road that Lily and Jason and Owen live on and as I got closer and closer, there was a giant magnetic force which overtook me and I took a right and drove down their road and parked in front of their house and although I knocked politely, when Jason opened the door I practically ran him over in my desperate attempt to get to my grandson.
Hell! It's been four days since I've seen him! He turned 20 weeks old on Saturday and let me tell you something- he's grown since last Thursday and he can do things now he couldn't do then and if he gets any cuter my head is going to EXPLODE and my heart is going to BURST and the world may just collapse into utter chaos.
Phew. I think I've used up my daily allotment of exclamation points there. Sorry.
So anyway I had to hug on him and kiss his tummy and I grabbed the little outfit his mama was holding and put it on him myself because I couldn't not touch him and I couldn't stand not doing for him and well, that was all that needed to be done at that point so I did it.
Bruce Springsteen was playing on the TV so I took Owen to sit in front of it and said, "Now Owen, that's The Boss. He's my guitar hero. And see that guy? That's Clarence. Isn't he beautiful?" And so on. I'm not sure how impressed Owen was. If he can't chew on it or suck on it, it doesn't hold much interest for him. So I let him suck on my face. Okay. If there is a heaven, it'll be a place where you can watch Bruce Springsteen and get your face sucked by a beloved five-month old. Seriously. It was a life-time high point.
I could hardly control my dizzy happiness.

I finally had to break away and get back in the car and go to Doody-Head Target where they didn't have a darn thing I could use to wear under my dress. Not bike shorts or leggin's or even men's bike shorts. Nada. So I drove to Beall's, which I hate, but there, in the Junior section, by some miracle of the Lord Above, were white leggin's and they were half price so they cost only about five times what they are actually worth although I certainly would have paid full price because my next option was to go to the mall and well, no.

And then I went to a different Publix (and for those of you who do not know what a Publix is, it is a grocery store whose motto is "Where Shopping Is A Pleasure" and they don't lie and there are about fifteen of them in Tallahassee and everyone has their own Publix where they always shop) and going to a different Publix is like going to Disney World for me. Seriously. I walked around in wonder. Whoa! They have brown rice sushi! And so forth. And I bought some brown rice sushi for my supper because Mr. Moon was supposed to be out of town tonight but when I got home, he was taking a shower and getting ready to put on his camo for the second time today. He got up at four-forty-five a.m. (I kid you not) to go this morning and now he's going again and he's not going out of town tonight. Well, you know I love the man but a small container of brown rice sushi is not going to do for his supper so I am making him some chicken and rice and well, why am I telling you this? NO ONE CARES!

Look. Go over to Roll Up The Rugs and see how the big girls do it. Not big like fat. Oh no. Big like "real writer".

I have to go over my lines again now and I think I'll do that in the bath tub because I have one of those boils on my butt (aren't you glad I told you that?) which either needs to fix itself or give birth to an alien. I'm not sure which. I should go weed in the garden and maybe I'll do that first. I don't know. So many options. The sun's shining again and the weather, she is as crazy as I am. It's freezing cold out there. I think I'd rather get in the tub. And oh yes, make some chicken and rice.

And one more thing. If you don't get Leonard Pitts' column in your paper (haha! like anyone but me reads a paper), go read this. If you have a second.

And go find a baby to suck on your face. It's sure to turn your day right around in a very good way.