Whatever moisture it was that fell from the sky last night went unnoticed by me and if it was snow, well, I missed it.
And today it is beautiful and sunny and still cold and yet I slept many, many hours and woke up with that feeling of oh no, here it all is again, and the staggering re-realization that nothing is ever truly completed, nothing is ever finally done, brought me almost to my knees but I pretended otherwise; got up, drank coffee, made a breakfast for the man and will go out to feed the chickens, go to the Opera House to help paint the set.
One of those days.
The thing which has saved me so far was reading this:
http://www.salon.com/opinion/keillor/2010/02/09/democrats/index.html
in our local newspaper.
I don't know why but Garrison Keillor's voice, whether on the radio or on the page can give me the strength to carry on when nothing else quite will.
Work, Garrison says, is what will save us all.
Well. I certainly have work to do. It may never be finished, any of it, but I suppose in the end that is what it's all about whether we're talking about the dishes or the endless need to eat food or muck out the chicken coop or clean out the toilets or change the diapers or mop the floors or save the world or weed the flower beds or maintain relationships or manage to get up and put one foot in front of the other and get ourselves to whatever work it is that we must do.
No. It never ends. Until we die. And then it simply continues for someone else. So we might as well face it- that work is what saves us, work is always there, reason for us to get up and wash our faces in the cold winter water that comes from the pipes and if we celebrate that fact and that fact alone- water comes from the pipes- then it is enough. It is enough.
My Dear Ms Moon,
ReplyDeleteThat was a brilliant piece by GK. So glad you shared it. I would not have read it otherwise. And it held me up and lightened my heart too. Thank you. I know just what you mean. I hope your work today brings you to a different place emotionally. Painting a set I imagine will help enormously. You keep working and keep writing and I love you for it.
Yes, I've been taking to my bed a lot recently, and ignoring reality.
ReplyDeleteThe Shakers say, 'the hands may fall off, but the work goes on'.
Cheerful!
i think you described what 'living' is- an ongoing process which is not finished, even when we are, because the cycle and circus will go on without us.
ReplyDeletexxalainaxx
I am SO GLAD you love GK. Because his voice to me is like nails on a chalkboard - nothing makes me turn the radio dial faster.
ReplyDeleteI want to like him, but I don't.
And I am so glad that you like him, and so many other people, because it is our diversity that makes us interesting! I am not right or wrong - we just have different opinions and isn't that fantastic!
hugs to you ,
ReplyDeleteI am currently reading Leaving Home, A Collection of Lake Wobegon Stories. I found it at Goodwill for $.50. Yeah me, and yeah GK
Hard to keep the faith in the face of something bound to destroy it, but...
ReplyDeleteThat we must do, even if I myself at times think that I am fighting windmills filled with money that are bound to destroy the vestiges of the great hearts we once were. He is right you know? I believe the lack of sunshine and all the bad news about Americans calling themselves tea baggers have done a number on us, the sunshine people.
Alright, I am off to work on my atelier, Winchester Mansion north and yes, I must admit, the job is never done and maybe the journey is after all the destination. Love you girl, have a good weekend.
Yes. I love the Keillor piece and feel a bit vindicated that he made those comments about Salinger. I've never gotten into the Salinger "mystique" and love that he turned it on its head, really.
ReplyDeleteThank God for Keillor, too, for reminding me not to be so pessimistic regarding the Dems and Obama and all that political shit.
I hope your day is going well and thank you for making mine better!
But it's not just work. It's love and beauty and the good in life that save us too. Creating and breathing and existing.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though you've carried a burden your whole life, the past can be released.
Chemistry can be changed
Life isn't over until it's over.
You've lived a magnificent life in spite of the anger and pain and depression. You are a blesser of hearts, nurturer of souls, a giver no longer a victim.
You bless our hearts every day, Ms. Moon. That is one thing that you never fail at. When the end of the day comes, know that is completed.
ReplyDeleteBethany- Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.
ReplyDeleteJo- Those funny Shakers and they're wacky sense of humor!
Mrs. A- The cycle of the circus. Yes.
Nola- I got mixed up last night and addressed my comment to you to Allegra by mistake but I deleted and anyway, what I wanted to say was that perhaps it is because I had no papa that Garrison charms me. He sounds like a papa should sound to me. Wise and funny and very reassuring. But- not to you and that's okay. He's one of those people you either love or hate. I get that.
But I love you!
Deb- Almost as cheap as the library but you get to keep it!
Allegra- Our hearts will remain intact, no matter what. I think. I am still thinking about your shoes exploding. I am still loving that. Loving you too.
Elizabeth- Ever since I read that book by the woman who became Saligner's mistress at such a young age, I have no regard for him as a person. Or very little, anyway.
Kathleen- I am eating those words up, I am grateful for the light they shine inside me. Thank-you.
Loved the Keillor piece. Thanks for the link.
ReplyDelete