Monday, November 23, 2009

Dreams of Riches That I Already Own


Michelle wrote about a dream this morning and I've been having the strangest dreams myself.
I am pretty sure that part of this comes from my antidepressants, which is scary when you think about it. That little pill fucks with my brain in ways which are both bad and good but it is fucking with it. Which is the point, I suppose.

But lately I've been having a version of the same dream over and over and over. Almost every night. And in it, I am living in a house which is very old, like this one, yet much bigger. I don't know much about the half we live in- I suppose it's just like any house you live in with a kitchen and furniture and so forth. But there's a complete other half and there are stairs that go up to other floors and this part of the house has not been touched for years. I have been in it but I have not explored it all and I keep thinking I want to so badly.

This half of the dream house remains, as I said, untouched, with furniture and beds and bed linens and all of the belongings of whoever lived in that part when it was abandoned. And I know that since I own the house, these things are mine to use as I want. The rooms are mine to use as I want. But something always stops me from really getting in there and checking things out- usually, my duties as a hostess, the more immediate needs of the people in my house. I know there is jewelry in those rooms and fine curtains and linens and fixtures and gleaming wood and lamps and deep, red rugs and many, many beautiful things and I believe, in my dream, that I know that this part of the house was abandoned suddenly with good reason and has been considered haunted- why else would it remain as it was? Unopened, unused, left completely as it was. But it's not spider-webbed or dirty or dusty. It looks fresh with lots of light coming in through the big windows. And there are so many rooms and one of them, the last room, somehow, perhaps the one highest up, is like a giant sun room.
And I have seen these rooms, or some of them, but have not taken/had the time to really go and touch, to see what all is there.

And usually, in these dreams, there are many, many people in my home and I know I should open those rooms and use them, let people stay in them, find things I could use myself. I know there are treasures there. Beautiful, sparkling treasures.

So- like Michelle- I am asking. What does this mean?

I have theories and my favorite is that although my life is so rich as it is, there are within me, more treasures which, if I just learned to access them, figured out how to get past whatever is stopping me from getting to them, I could use for a richer, happier life. I don't know whether these treasures are talents or spiritual insights or what- but I feel that even as the things in my dreaming house are mine to use if I will but use them, these things are too. Whatever they are. And however it is that I can get to them.
And that they will benefit the ones I love, the ones I already have in my home, my heart.

I don't know. But I can't help but think that if one has a dream over and over, it is carrying a message and that one needs to pay attention. I am not stressing out over this- just as in my dream where I do not feel an immediate compulsion to go explore what it is I have OR do I have any sort of fear when I think of doing it. It is more of an excited calmness. I enjoy these dreams. I look forward to them.
The treasures are there. They are mine.
But how do I get the time, how do I find the key? Where does that stairway lead? Why were the treasures abandoned? Why is it now time to explore them?

What do you think? I'd like to know if you have any ideas from your perspective. This is utterly and completely a selfish post and I admit that.
But I know that some of you are very wise in the ways of dreams and minds and life and treasures and duties and daring.
Which is why I love you.

Ms. Moon

21 comments:

  1. I don't really have any idea; I don't actually believe dreams have meaning, I just htink they are the psyche's way of taking a big dump now and again so as to not mentally constipate you (and why yes, I did read that in a book somewhere, thank you for asking, but I believe it). But what do I know? I believe if I keep reading the same thing, or hearing the same thing, then it means I need to pay attention, so I don't know why dreams would be any different. I don't really remember my dreams, though, so maybe that's why I don't think much about it.

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  2. There have been some posts here and there where you say that you are 55 or whatever and set in your ways/beliefs. Maybe you are telling yourself that you can still surprise yourself with those undescovered riches, whatever they may be.

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  3. And I agree with Kori, that (for me) dreams are like a big dump. But when I have the same dream, or the same type of dream, over and over again, at the very least there is something there to pay attention to, consider, contemplate...

    Which is exactly what you are doing.

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  4. I see it like this: the unexplored part of the house is your girl-self, your creativity, all the parts which aren't caring for the family, loving other people, doing practical things. You are yearning to rediscover your totality, but you're not going there yet, you're not inhabiting that part. It feels unfamiliar now because you have been neglecting it.

    So - I think you may be trying to decide if you like to stay with your familiar part of the house (your life as it is) or explore more of your other parts.

    I did think it was interesting that you said "I believe, in my dream, that I know that this part of the house was abandoned suddenly with good reason and has been considered haunted- why else would it remain as it was?" - I think you retreated to the safe side because of bad things that happened. You left behind the carefree girl you were.

    You must now decide if it's safe to go back there. It might be after all this time and the work you've done, but you may want to leave well alone.

    I hope I haven't overstepped the mark here. You asked, right?

    Kisses

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  5. What a wonderful, poignant, telling dream. And your thoughts on it too are powerful. I think you've already "got" it and MWA is brilliant and wise in her analysis.
    You ask, "Why were the treasures abandoned?"
    Makes sense why, from the little I know of your childhood, and like MWA said, staying on the safe side, caring for others, being an amazing, attentive wife and mother.
    But I love that even though the other part of the house may feel a bit strange and haunted to you, mostly it feels calm and waiting and full of treasure and good things. This sounds like HEALING. Like some part of you that's been cordoned off and not used or explored, but that somehow stayed clean and neat and sparkely, waiting for you to come back and explore it, claim it as your own, as your home, as part of yourself.
    It's your HOME, it's right inside your house. Inside you.
    Our homes are the outward manifistations of our SELVES. And you're discovering over and over in this dream, an entire side of yourself that is full of treasures and yet to be explored.
    I think the calm excitement you feel about it is also wonderful and a great sign. Both in the dream and in real life. Probably because you have looked around a bit and maybe because it seems part of you has always know it's been there waiting for you.
    I like this line:
    "Let people stay in them, find things I could use myself"
    In a way you've opened up one of the rooms to your blog readers with this lovely, generous writing you do.
    I think too the house and the rooms is connected to your writing.
    Just some random thoughts. It's a blessing of a dream. It almost sounds holy and so magical the way you describe it.

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  6. PS The photograph is perfect. Makes me feel like I'm IN the dream. Is that yours?

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  7. Maybe it means that there are things that you know could make you happy, but you're afraid that if you venture out to get them, things would change too much?

    I dunno, but the picture's really cool.

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  8. Sorry, no interpretations from me,and I'm even a therapist:) At least it's not a scary dream!

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  9. Kori- You probably don't dream because you don't get enough sleep. I think that's sad, too. Dreams can be interesting. This one certainly is. And I have heard that theory- it's just the mind getting rid of the stuff clogging it up. But again, like you said, when things are repeated over and over (or a house visited over and over) there might be a reason to pay attention.

    Stephanie- I like that and sort of yes, feel that way about it.

    Mwa- You definitely did NOT overstate your mark. I have not thought of the fact that the things are "girl-stuff" and not so practical and yes, maybe things I had to give up as a child because of the bad things. Very interesting and I like that! And I want to go into those rooms. I feel myself drawn to them very strongly.

    Bethany- Oh thank-you for those words. Yes, it all seems like that. Like those rooms are waiting. It is time for them to be used. Not in a plundering sort of way, but in a respectful, joyous sort of way. And no, I just found that picture on google images when I searched for Victorian home and it seemed like just the one. Mysterious, leading somewhere, shadows but light, too. I knew I'd find the right picture and I did.

    Ginger- Yes. I am staying in the safe, domestic role but it's not a role that is chafing me. But I know it may be time to step out of it a bit to see what else I have.

    Rachel- No. It is not scary at all.

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  10. Well, I think it would be fun to talk about this over coffee or something... but... in lieu of that. There are lots of areas that are intriguing.

    First of all, houses is a representation of the soul in dream land. At least that's what I've been taught. (IE "Get your house in order") So, this is an amazingly transformational message to you from your own subconscious. Now that you are an adult and safe from any of your childhood villains, I think it is welcoming you back. Your deep creative self, the intuitive self and the one with the wisdom of the collective is welcoming you back home to your "true self".. to be whole once more.

    Of course I could go on and on, and I did not preface, but this is just my opinion even though I state it as factual. It's just my way of expressing my thoughts before they slip past me into the void. Anyway, this is a marvelous dream. If I may, I'd like to suggest that you visualize a different room of this house each time you do yoga or maybe just before sleeping. Just lie there and relax your body and mind, concentrate first on just breathing and breath, and then choose a room and look around! Sounds like a grand adventure to me!

    xoxo m

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  11. I think Mwa's interpretation is really interesting. It seems like that other part of the house is something out there waiting for you to enjoy it. Whether it's an unexplored or shelved part of yourself, or something else out in the world, or out in the universe. But something good and lovely.

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  12. I tend to agree with Mwa--the other side of the house definitely represents your girlhood, and the immaculate part that is left there...that unfortunately doesn't feel like it can be reached. But I am still thinking...

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  13. Ms. Fleur- Every night before I go to sleep I do try to conjure this dream up but tonight I will try to fall asleep in one of those beautiful rooms to see what I can see.

    Michelle- Wouldn't that be lovely?

    SJ- Yes. It is so interesting that the rooms are clean and light-shot.

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  14. Ms. Moon~ Just found your blog and was caught up in the house dream. Hmmm, daughter and I have discussed the house dream many, many times. We both have them and they can be calming and also completely terrifying. When I was her age (23) I had the "lost in huge old house, another door opens, and another, and where did this all come from?" dream but now it is similar to yours. Much more comforting. I might do a little research project and find out if men have big-old-crazy-haunted-house dreams. And, PS, I think all my posts are self-centered except one on advance medical directives!! Thank you for your writing and I look forward to reading more! Cinda

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  15. I believe that dreams are manifestations of the unconscious -- the deep essential part of oneself. And I believe, too, that repetitive dreams are often archetypal -- the manifestation of the universal subconscious/unconscious. I have had a lot of dreams about houses and rooms and walking through them and seeing old friends and lovers and I'm not sure, technically, what it all means but think it might have something to do with that collective unconscious. But that doesn't help, does it? Maybe you should pick up a copy of Jung's book about dreams or even read a little about the lucid dreaming of the Tibetans...

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  16. When I started reading, I blanked out and thought it was real! Very Anne Rice feeling alt ogether.

    Then I came back to the living and realised it was a dream, of course. And it's super simple - Kori :P :P :P

    Any house or box like structure like a car is the self. It makes sense, really. The home, the place that holds us is the same as us. Think about all those attics and basements in gothic literature - when they were looking for a way out of all that supression and repression. The subconcious is the subconcious, it deals in symbol. Of course dreams have meaning.

    ANYWAY. You talked before about what you would have been if your life had been different. You've answered it already in your questions at the end of the post. The untouched, beautiful, sunfilled, magic part of the house that you don't use is YOU. I bet there's a wonderful novel in there somewhere. You should go look more...

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  17. Interesting. I rarely remember my dreams; in fact, the only ones I remember are the anxious/unnerving ones. How sad is that?

    I agree with what some of the others have said. Since you enjoy this dream and don't feel "frantic" in it, like you're missing something, I think it's a dream that's letting you know that you still have plenty to offer. That you have riches within you that have yet to be discovered.

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  18. I have dreams all the time about finding hidden rooms or untouched suites of rooms and so on in a house. But I'm pretty sure it's just the lingering affect of living among all those attics on Short Street.

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  19. Big interesting houses do that. I have a small house; we can swap if it helps.
    I'm there for you, willing to take over in Lloyd and enjoy staircases, libraries, and property.
    Your dreams will shift to ghetto, garbage, and gunshot-the 3 g's of hood-livin'.

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  20. Cinda- Interesting. I wonder, too, if men have these house dreams. Well, I know my son does.
    I'm glad you found me! Come back anytime.

    Elizabeth- I have another friend who has talked to me about the Tibetan lucid deaming. Hmmm....

    Jo- I am searching.
    As are we all.

    TKW- I hope so.

    DTG- Could be.

    Magnum- Been there, done that. You can come visit but I don't want to trade. Sorry. And hey- we have random gunshots right here in Lloyd!

    Ms. Bastard- I love you.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.