Just Call Me Roxanne

I found this badge on a blog of someone who follows my blog. I love her blog. The pictures are amazing. And I clicked on that badge and this is what it said:

By using this icon on my website I am stating...

1. That I am opposed to the use of corporate advertising on blogs.

2. That I feel the use of corporate advertising on blogs devalues the medium.

3. That I do not accept money in return for advertising space on my blog.

signed,

the author

I thought about that for awhile. I thought about stealing that badge for my website because obviously, I have no corporate advertising on my blog.

And then I thought- shit. If Target or Publix wanted to give me money I'd curtsy and say, "Thank-you most kindly. How much?"

But not Walmart. Definitely not Walmart. Or Burger King. Or Wendy's or McDonald's or Taco Bell.Or Luvs. Or some baby food or formula company. Or a vacuum cleaner company. (I hate vacuum cleaners. I once wrote a poem which went like this: Vacuum cleaners really suck, they make me say bad words like FUCK!) or Dell Computers or any sort of company which makes non-stick cookware. I would not have any business dealings with those sorts of companies.

So what sorts of companies would I accept advertising for? Oh well. The ones I already mentioned, Target and Publix. And Fabuloso. I definitely love Fabuloso. And Tito's Handmade Vodka. Yes. And a broom company. Are there any broom companies out there who would like to advertise on my site? And for sure the canning jar companies- Ball and Kerr. And Cotton- The Fabric of Our Lives. And let me think- oh yeah, Goodwill. Definitely Goodwill although they are hiking up their prices and I sort of hate them for that.

Bruce Springsteen could advertise his new albums on my site. So could Bob Dylan. And Loudon Wainwright III and his royal queen of a son, Rufus. I would happily host their ads.

Burpee Seed Company. I'd let them plaster my site with beautiful pictures of their tomatoes and peppers. And any heirloom seed companies. There's a place for them at my table. And businesses in Cozumel, Mexico- I'd love to have any of them put their products, services or places of businesses here. Well, except for those businesses which promote to the cruise-ship industries, especially anything to do with four-wheeling or swimming with dolphins or have "all-inclusive" in their titles.

The Sundance Catalog is welcome if I get a discount. So is J. Jill. Rayon-silk velvet. Mmmmmm....

And anyone who makes arts and crafts with their own two hands. Yes. Those would be especially appreciated.

Anne Tyler. Annie Proux, Larry McMurtry. Dorothy Allison, whoever handles Louisa May Alcott books. Come on. I'm ready. I'd say Tom Robbins but he's gotten way into too much young-girl-and-butt sex. So forget him.

The Innocence Project. Barack Obama. Any gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered rights groups.

No religious organizations unless they involve the words Batshit Crazy.

NPR. No reservations there.

Which reminds me- Anthony Bourdain. That man can advertise on my site any time he wants to.

Bottom line is this: If someone wanted to advertise on my site and didn't want to fuck with what I wrote and would pay me, I would love it. I sit here every day and write my little heart out and I do it for the joy and I do it because we've become a family here and I do it because I am writing the story of my life.

But still. If someone wanted to pay me for writing, I would jump up and down for joy.

But until then- hey:

Walmart- You can kiss my ass. In a million years, for a million dollars, I would not put your advertising on my site.

Wait. A million dollars? Let's not be hasty. Your Mexican produce section doesn't entirely suck.

E-mail me. We'll talk.