Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hey. You Just Have To Laugh Sometimes.


I believe I have peroneal tendinitis. Now of course this is a self-diagnosis made with the aid of my many medical associates who live on the internet. Before I began to consult with them, I thought the only thing which had a name like "peroneal" on or in my body was something farther north of the foot and of course is not spelled the same but is spelled "perineum" and no, I will not be posting a picture here of THAT area because, well, I love you. I do.

And here's another thing I just learned on the internet- men have perineal areas too.

For all the good that four years of nursing school did me I might as well have spent the time waitressing in a truck stop.

Nah. They probably taught me all of this stuff. I just forgot it.

Anyway, yes, back to my foot.
I noticed in yoga one day that I had a strange and new pain in my foot during the triangle and warrior poses. Huh. I figured it would go away. I have been figuring this about the pain in my hip for approximately twenty years and so far it hasn't but I have not yet given up hope. I did go to several doctors about that twenty years ago and none of them could figure anything out so I have learned to live with it and when it gets bad, I admit I have an Ibuprofen deficiency and just take measures to fix that problem and that works quite well.

But this foot pain. Hmmmm....
It kept getting, oh, how you say?
Worse.

I knew I should be doing something like RICE. That's rest, ice, compression and elevation for those of you who are not in the know, who don't have your finger on the pulse of the medical world.
But did I?
Oh hell no.
I did things like go back to yoga, walk, and clean the porch for eight hours.
I did take the Ibuprofen, which helped tremendously.

So last night I got online and consulted with the experts and discovered that yes, I probably have this peroneal tendinitis and yes, treatment is RICE, not work-through-the-pain and take Ibuprofen and the occasional beer. It is more apt to happen in very active people, athletes, people with high arches and oh yes, the older person.
Okay. I'm pretty active, I am not an athlete but I do exercise, and I have high arches. And yes, yes, yes, I get a discount at Goodwill on Tuesdays.

So. Here I am. What do I do? I want to walk because dammit, I need to fit into my jeans by first frost. I really, really do. This is so damn frustrating.

Not as frustrating as what poor Lily is going through. She's taken the castor oil this morning. And as one web site I visited last night pointed out, DO NOT CONFUSE CASTOR OIL WITH CASTROL WHICH IS AN AUTOMOTIVE OIL AND NOT TO BE TAKEN INTERNALLY!!!!!
Phew. I sure hope Lily got that one right.
I feel certain she did. I mean, who in their right mind would go to an automotive store to buy something to drink to induce labor?
Oh wait. A woman who is 41 weeks pregnant is not, by definition, in her right mind.
But still.

So that's what's going on here. May is feeling better. We are hoping she does not have the H1N1 and I am gimpy and Lily is still pregnant but she will not be for long. Tomorrow is the day that if labor has not commenced, they in the REAL medical profession will begin to get more assertive and aggressive about getting things going.

Life is just so exciting right now! And I say that with not one shred of irony.

Here we go! Limping into the bright light of a new day with a new baby who will surely make his arrival soon!

Let us rejoice. Let us not google-image "Perineum" and let us all be happy and well.

You may wear whatever color you want today.

Love....Ms. Moon

30 comments:

  1. It's amazing what aches and pains one has to live with as we age. I've actually had docs just tell me I'm getting older and that's that.

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  2. My Dear Ms. Moon,
    I am sorry to hear that you are in pain. Getting older is not for pussys, is it?

    I am relieved that you said we could wear any color today. I am in black almost entirely.

    How is Mr. Moon's poison ivy? Poor thing.

    Tell May I send my love and at lunch I will do a sacred Indian dance to promote healing on her behalf. I am part Ojibwa, but I look like a damn albino (or albina as my southern grandma used to say). But I can still weave a basket like a motherfucker and do the sacred dance.

    Love you mas,

    SB

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  3. i am so sleepy, that i read this...

    'For all the good that four years of nursing school did me I might as well have spent the time waitressing in a truck stop.'

    ...and thought you learned about all things perineal at a truck stop.

    today i am wearing blue.

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  4. Marsha- And the damn thing is- sometimes that's just the fucking truth.

    Ms. Bastard- Really? You are an albino Ojibwa? Wow. I have to redo my mental photo of you. But this only makes me love you MORE! Now do a dance to get Lily to go into labor. Please? And if you don't know one, you can either make one up or else weave me a basket. I love baskets. I love you more though.

    Adrienne- Haha! When I wrote that, I realized I probably could have learned a lot about perineums at the truck stop if I had wanted to.
    And SB? Oh, how she enriches and educates us all. What would we do without her?
    Or you.
    I'm so glad I don't have to know.

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  5. Where now, dear, is the pain exactly? You're quite sure of your diagnosis? I am hoping it's plantar fascitis which might be easier to heal.

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  6. Ms. Lo- Well, it does hurt in a large area but the area I can pinpoint as the swollen, most painful part is right where that peroneus longus is. And my symptoms match up. I'm so glad you can comment again. I've missed you.

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  7. So sorry about your foot pain. Ya noticed it during the triangle and warrior pose, eh? :) Foot pain is the worst and I get it when my tennis shoes are on their last leg. Please take care of yourself, even with all the excitement happening around you. I just looked down and I am wearing all black today. That's just kinda dreary, isn't it?

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  8. Jason did think I said castrol oil when I told him about the castor oil. Needless to say he wasa little hesitant about me drinking motor oil, even if it may induce labor. He was releived when I told him what I truely said castor oil. Nothing too bad (or good) happening over here. I sure hope something happens today. Anyway I love you and thank all your readers for their thinking of me.

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  9. Ah, the power of the internet to self diagnose. I'd have spent a fortune on medical texts without it. I should have been a nurse like most the rest of my people. I'm on my 3rd self diagnosis, I got the first 2 right. It's all how I explain it to the docs, otherwise they think I'm a whiner, send me off with SSRI'a or worse and things just continue to fall apart. I'm adding Rheumatoid arthritis to my list. Or maybe Lyme disease, as they both fit. I'm kinda pissed.

    Oh well. Hope it's as simple for you as rice and ibuprofin. Was it Betty Davis who said Old Age ain't for Sissies? And another great quote - it takes guts to be happy, sad is easy. They kinda go together for me.

    But I feel your random pain in your foot, and you take these things much more in stride than I. In fact, your acceptance of things in general fills me with awe and I aspire to emulate you that way. You have every right to be a crazy lady, but you are, refreshingly, Ms. Moon, who waits for the new baby with a new pain, and writes it down to share.

    I love all your posts. They float around my kitchen like music.

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  10. And I SO love, Adrienne! It's a mutual fan club thang.

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  11. No, I'm not really a damned albina. I am just referring to the fact that I am so fucking pale skinned. I look like a damn goth or some shit.

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  12. Put that foot up with one icy cold beer on it, and another in your hand...

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  13. A good sweet life is a brand new crisp white long sleeved t-shirt, still with tags on, that I bought at the thrift store for $1.50 on Sunday, and new tennis shoes that Steve bought me because he was tired of me bitching (and I really honest to God only HAD one pair of shoes, so my bitching was necessary), it is waiting for a baby to be born and even yes foot pain; because it isn't always pretyy but it is still good.

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  14. Nicol- Black is the new black and nothing else is ever the new black and it is not dreary, it is just...sophisticated.

    Lily- That is hysterical! I love it! I had never even had that thought about the Castrol before I read that warning last night. Cracked me up.
    Well, here's hoping that pot boils. Are you massaging the backs of your heels? Love you dear....Mama

    Mel- What can you do? I am not one of those people who go to the doctor for every thing. First off, I can't afford it. Secondly, I am more afraid of doctors than of almost anything. So there you go.
    Thank you for your sweet words.
    I like to think I am floating around someone's kitchen.

    Ms. Bastard- She's family too. And no, I did not really think you were an albina, although that would be COOL! You and DTG can stay out of the sun together when you come visit. He is a paleface.

    Michelle- I can't! I am on call and must have all of my faculties. Well, at least the ones I can gather. So beer is out. Dammit. I shall have to use real ice for the foot and drink something boring.
    But that is SUCH a great idea.

    Kori- YOU ARE RIGHT! Ah. I do love the Goodwill treasure hunt when something lovely comes out of it.

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  15. What's funny is we, at the nursing school, are doing bed making, baths, and "oral and perineal care". And yes, the males are most certainly included in this activity. We have the simulation dummies that we practice on and it's kind of funny because the male parts on them are all circumcised, and since we need to know how to clean an unclipped wee-wee, my teacher added "foreskin". (But really it's just a condom with a hole in the end to pull it down.) Haha, did I go too far?

    I'm sorry about your foot Mama. Now you better start RICEing the hell out of it or else it will never feel better! I love you and I will see you soon!

    And I'm glad Lily didn't drink Castrol, she is wise!

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  16. DTG- Yeah. It's friendlier.

    Mwa- Don't we all?

    HoneyLuna- For some reason, we did not have anatomically correct dolls in our study of those practices. Why is this? We did practice on each other but hell, there were two men and five thousand women. Okay, maybe only five hundred or so. But that is most interesting!
    I will RICE later on. I promise.

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  17. Hi Ms. Moon,
    Just dropping a line to say that I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and I have SO enjoyed checking in each day.
    Thanks for being you.

    Love,
    ~Ash

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  18. Ashtree- Well howdy! And thank-you.

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  19. I think we are close enough so I can say:

    Tell Lily to pinch her nipples!! This is how I started labor with Lola. Nipple stimulation, for as long as you can bear it.

    I'm sorry about your foot. Bromelein is a natural and cheap antiinflammatory that really helps with things like that. I think I spelled it right. I take it when my back or knee hurts.

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  20. Love this post! Do not love that you are in pain and all the other stuff.

    I so look forward to reading your blog! It's a pleasurable part of my day (or night).

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  21. Maggie- Poor Lily. We are discussing all her private issues and parts. But I think she's already doing the nipple thing, yes.
    Bromelain, huh? I will look into that. Thank-you, dear.

    Joy- I appreciate that so much.

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  22. Is there a Guiness records for 'Baby who has stayed in the uterus the longest after Mom has had her membranes stripped?' If so, I think Owen knows about it and is trying to set a new record.
    For some reason I think something will happen at Equinox time - which has already passed.
    Hurry up little baby!

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  23. You were unaware of men's perineums? A humbly offered tip:

    I bet if you gave Mr Moon's some attention he wouldn't complain about the spider webs anymore.

    Perieums have a direct line to the prostate ;)

    Come on, Owen, baby. Come on out and see your momma.

    I can see you all circled around Lily and his dad, circled around him, in rings of warmth and light and love. He is such a lucky baby :)

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  24. ps Downtown Guy: I just learned gooch, too.

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  25. Ms. Lucy- Yes. Maybe the solstice will bring him here.
    As to stripping membranes- it only works if the cervix is ready.

    Ms. Jo- I learn so much from the blogosphere. But I am not going to google-image gooch either.

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  26. Lol... yes, I learned that recently too... though can't for the life of me remember where or why!
    You are not gimpy!!! You are a very busy lady and give of yourself to so many people. Be kind to yourself... and the RICE thing.... go do it.... if I'm not very much mistaken, you'll be doing far too much running around when Lily has her baby so rest now! x

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  27. Lilac- Well, we're never too old to learn. Or more likely, to relearn a few things we've forgotten!

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