Saturday, September 17, 2016

Hurricane Lily Time



Gray and muggy and the mosquitoes still swarming and I have to use the nasty spray and that doesn't really keep them away completely and a whole bunch of chicken feed has gone moldy and I open the plastic garbage can we keep the fresh feed in and there are approximately four thousand roaches in it and the nests need cleaning out and also, there is cat puke in my kitchen.

All right. There is still cat puke in my kitchen but now it's in the trash instead of on the floor.

This is progress.

Yes. Yes it is.




Friday, September 16, 2016

Things I Learned Today


As you can see, today had some very, very terrific moments in it. Jason got to join us for lunch and so did Michael.


Gibson was digging the lemon smile. I love how he posed, wrapping his arm around Michael's leg. That gorgeous couple! They are still newlyweds, you know. 
May they be so forever. 
I was SO glad to see May. She works too much and is too much like her mama in that when she doesn't HAVE to be somewhere (work), she wants to be at home. 
I completely understand. And relate.



Can I tell you how much I respect and love Jason Hartmann? This man. Dang. He's just the best daddy that Owen and Gibson and Maggie could ever have. He's so comfortable with all aspects of parenting. Quite frankly, I've never seen a man who can take over the child-and-baby care the way he does when Lily's at work. And he's so responsible. I know I mentioned it, but I'd like to reiterate that on the morning following Hermine, when the wind was still blowing, when lines were down and roads were blocked, that man made it to work at six a.m. All of the Publixes had huge generators and didn't miss a beat in serving their customers. And Jason was right there. 
And as a husband, he is respectful and loving and well, he's just everything you'd want in a son-in-law. Plus, he is funny. 
I am blessed in sons-in-law. I truly am. And I know it. 

So we had a very nice lunch and then I went and bought a pattern and some pretty flannel to make Maggie a winter outfit and also, some very soft wool that I'd like to make her a little lightweight blanket out of. We shall see. 

Joanne's Fabrics was hopping, as it generally is. There were two women buying up all of the pink tulle in the store to decorate for a wedding. Seventy-something yards of it and and I am not shitting you. The ladies told me that they were using it to decorate a pergola which had been built in a cow field where the wedding was to be held. There was also an old man there with his wife who annoyed the snot out of me. He was one of those old guys who think they are hysterical and he kept cracking these stupid jokes in a voice directed to everyone in the vicinity that weren't in the least bit funny and if I had been his wife, I'd have killed him long ago. I'm sure he thought he was doing a store-full of women a favor with his grand and clever bon mots but it was just painful. Most of the women just ignored him which of course only drove him to try harder. He was also one of those old geezers who like to tell you how incredibly old they are. "Well, past my three-score and ten," he announced. "So I won't be around much longer."
Were we all supposed to tell him that no, he didn't look that old and that he'd be around forever? 
No one did. His wife was probably thinking, your lips to god's ear.
And I kept thinking, Oh please god, don't let my husband become one of those men. 
I'm serious. I've seen Orange Is The New Black and prison is not kind to elderly women. 
Okay. I'm being mean and maybe he has dementia but whatever, I'd have left him in the car if I'd been his wife. 

Got home just before four o'clock because the 8 a.m. robocall had told me that the repair person from Turners Fine Furniture would be here between four and six. However, I found the repairman in his van and when I apologized for not being here upon his arrival and asked him how long he'd been waiting he said, "Oh, about an hour and a half. I tried to call you but no one answered."
He only had my landline number. 
Which is, you know- in my house?
Turns out he was serious. He really HAD been here for an hour and a half but he didn't mind. He just sat in the van and watched the chickens and the squirrels and it was peaceful. At least that's what he said. 
He was a character. 
He fell in love with my house. Just flat fell in love with it. He lives in Tifton, Georgia way out in the country and if the government comes after him, well, he knows those woods and he can disappear.
This was an actual part of our conversation. 
Yes, somehow, I really liked the guy and by the time we got to discussing the election and he dissed Hilary, I felt quite comfortable in raising up my hand like a traffic cop and saying, "Whoa now! Hilary's my girl!" 
And we talked gun rights and it turns out that he believes that background checks should be more thorough and I told him that that's what I think too and that I'm sure that's what Hilary thinks as well and he listened to me and at one point I said, "You know, I think we've made a connection here and I just want to tell you that Hillary is extremely qualified to be the president and Donald Trump is not," and I told him a few things about Trump that he didn't know (how is this even possible?) and he listened to me and said, "I had no idea!" 
So it was an interesting meeting with Eddy, the repairman, and on some level, I really do feel like we DID make a connection and although I know he's not going to vote for Hillary, I'm pretty sure he's not going to vote at all which is better than voting for Donald, I guess, and we parted on very friendly terms and he talked to my chickens like he was one of them and they perked up and listened to whatever it was he said. And who knows? Maybe he'll go home and look some of this stuff up if he does indeed have the internet out there in the woods in Georgia. Although he'll probably just go home and watch Fox News. 

And I'm just in a good mood and looking forward to doing some knitting and then getting in my bed and reading some more "Arcadia" and I read a beautiful, beautiful article online about Larry McMurtry which made me want to go back and re-read and in some cases, re-re-read some of the books he's written. What an amazing mind he has, what an amazing life he's led, and I'm so glad to hear that he's working on one, maybe two novels, as we speak. 

Writers write. That is what they do. 
Writers write and your kids can grow up and marry amazing people and kids are beautiful and babies are too. 
You can meet someone you would never imagine you have one damn thing in common with and yet, find a connection which allows you to communicate. You can listen and you can be listened to. Respect can be earned and respect can be given. McCall's still makes patterns and you can still buy them if you get past the fucking cinnamon stench of the fall decorations at Joanne's fabrics without passing out. Brides still and will probably always like pink tulle. Old men can be annoying as fuck. 

I think I'm going to cook some pasta for my supper. I had a huge salad at lunch so my vegetable requirements have been met. 

I have a good life. This may be the truest thing I know.

Love...Ms. Moon





Thank-You Notes, Part 1

Dear Turner Fine Furniture,
Thanks for robo-calling me at 8:00 to inform me that your service representative will be at my address between 4:00 and 6:00 pm today to either repair or pick up for repair the furniture which we have requested to be repaired. I pressed one to agree, as instructed. Since you have my address listed as my PO box, I feel there may be another call before the day is out.
Hopefully.

Yours truly...Mrs. Moon

*************

Dear Maurice,
Thank you for coming in when you heard the phone and injecting me with allergens which I am sure will help my immune system combat whatever problems I may have with cat allergies. My wrist where you grabbed me with your saber-like claws and then bit me, not quite breaking the skin but almost! is still itchy and red. I am sure my body is working like crazy to defend itself which will end up being to my benefit the next time you do this. I hope you had a lovely night of full-moon hunting and I'll let you sleep as long as you like today on the bed where you bit me, because I love you and respect your role in my life as nurse-cat and defender against any and all threatening wildlife, up to and including Jr. High school age squirrels.

Always...Mommy

***************

Dear Lauren Groff,
Thanks for writing the novel "Arcadia." I have spent the last few nights staying up way too late, reading it in my bed and your way with words is absolutely splendid and often mind-blowing.
I have a question for you though- why did you choose to set your novel in a commune which is so completely and obviously ripped off from Stephen Gaskin's Farm? Why did you use so much actual information, physical descriptions of people both living and dead, and even names of events and places? I understand that the concept for this book and it is powerful and unique and I do like the novel very much but it disturbs me that you would rub up so close to the veil of illusion that at times you broke through it. What's the deal with all of this?  
Real? Not real?
I mean, I'm totally okay with you revealing(?) the Gaskin character to be a serial adulterer and drug user and even if in real life, he was, I can live with that. I don't "do" hero worship, per se, when it comes to thinking that certain people are holier than thou, thee or me. I like my spiritual totems to have feet as clay-caked as my own and never did really buy into the whole guru thing although I think that Stephen had some pretty fine insights. And I never would have hooked my wagon to that star and moved up to The Farm to live on soybeans and attend his church services so...okay, whatever. However, if he wasn't a serial groupie-fucker and drug user, you have probably convinced many people that he was. Sure, yeah, your character's name was Handy and not Stephen, but he sure did look and sound like Stepehen.
BUT. Ina May IS a sort of hero to me and did you really have to bring attention to her teeth? That woman did in fact change my life and the lives of my children with her powerful example and writings on women reclaiming their own births. I'd even say that she's changed the world for the better with her belief in, education, and promoting of midwives. Am I being touchy?
And what's the legality of all of that?
I have just googled this situation and see that you do, in fact, cite The Farm as the inspiration for your Arcadia commune. Here's an interesting interview.
I am still a little confused, even though in the interview you say that you love The Farm and after having visited it, would live there if you could.
Overall though, I commend you for this book and I am excited to finish the journey you have set me on with your words.

Thanks for making me think...Mary Moon

**************

Dear y'all,
Happy Friday.
Love...Ms. Moon

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Longing For What Used To Taste Like Love

I knew I had to get out of the house today and so I texted Jessie and Lily to see if they wanted to go see May where she works for lunch and figured I'd ask Hank, too, if they could go but Lily had to be at work at two and between picking up Gibson at noon and getting ready to go in for her shift, she didn't have time, so Jessie and I met up at her house and we did go to lunch, but not to where May works, although I think that tomorrow Lily and I will do that and so hey- Hank! you wanna go too? 

For once, when Jessie said, "Where do you want to eat?" I knew exactly where I wanted to go which was a local restaurant which has Greek and middle-eastern food and so that's where we went. I've been thinking lately about a restaurant that used to be in downtown Tallahassee one million years ago, and I do mean one million years ago. I first went to it when I came to Tallahassee with my Girl Scout troop in 1968, I think, although it could have been earlier. Angelo's was the name of the place, and my best friend Mary Lane and I split a plate of spaghetti, probably the cheapest thing on the menu.
I remember.

When I moved to Tallahassee in 1974, Angelo's was still exactly right where I'd left it and I ate there sometimes when I felt flush enough to go out. Angelo was Greek and his menu reflected that. There were some seafood dishes and some meat dishes, the side salad always came with the "Greek Trim" which was feta cheese (and plenty of it), peperoncini's, Greek olives. Angelo made the best blue cheese dressing in the world if you wanted to deviate from the Greek dressing which was mighty fine too. There was always what was referred to as the businessman's luncheon which was available all day and all night and varied day-to-day. There were steaks and chops and shish-ka-bobs and stuffed grape leaves and grouper Greek style and half a baked chicken and the very, very best thing ever- snapper flakes au gratin.
At some point, Angelo moved his restaurant down and over a block and the place grew a bit fancier. No longer just a cafe but a full-blown restaurant with blue upholstered seats and booths, real napkins, tablecloths, finer glass and table-ware, but Angelo's wife, Margarette (and I could be spelling her name incorrectly, I probably am) still ran the register when his son or daughter weren't and he himself was usually to be found sitting at a booth right near the door, reading the newspaper with his glasses down on his nose. He'd look up and greet you with a grunt. I never really saw Angelo smile, to tell you the truth, but Margarette more than made up for it with her graciousness, her friendly smile. The new place may have been a fancier restaurant but the menu stayed essentially the same and the businessman's luncheon was still there, every day except for Saturday. And Sunday, when they were closed.
You could keep a tab there. We did.
After Angelo got sick and then died, they closed the restaurant and I'm still heartbroken. Margarette and her son opened a place on the north side of town and we went there sometimes, but it wasn't the same. It just wasn't.
But I've been thinking about Angelo's and how lovely it was to walk into a restaurant and be greeted by name and with hugs, with smiles and with servers who knew us, who would spread out a tablecloth underneath the babies' highchairs, who would sometimes snatch up the babies themselves and carry them off to the kitchen to show them off. Who knew what we wanted on our salads, what we wanted to drink, our names, the names of our children.

And the food. The falling-off-the-bone baked chicken with the delicious rice, the tender rib-eye when that was on the menu. The pastitsio, the eggplant cooked with tomatoes and onions and olive oil, the grape leaves, the perfect grouper, the bacon wrapped, crab-stuffed shrimp, and as I said- the very, very best- the snapper flakes au gratin which was thick with white chunks of fish in a sauce made rich with cream and eggs and wine and blanketed with cheese and baked to a sort of perfection that I, as a cook, would be thrilled to achieve just once in my life and yet, which was served at Angelo's day in and day out for decades as if it were a grilled cheese sandwich or a hamburger or a side order of green beans.
And if you were feeling under the weather, there was always Margarette's chicken avogolemano soup which was healing in every sort of way imaginable.
And for dessert- her rice pudding which I have tried a thousand times to replicate and simply cannot.

Ah...

Angelo's was the restaurant where a server once took a look at me coming out of the lady's room when I was hugely pregnant with Lily, wearing an almost pop-art black and white dress, and said, "Mrs. Moon, you have eaten entirely too much."
Thirty-something years later and I am still laughing.

Angelo's was the restaurant where I ate with two different husbands, where I ate with my ever-expanding tribe of children, where I ate with friends from nursing school, but where I mostly ate with my friend Sue who worked downtown, a block away.
Her favorite was the bacon wrapped shrimp.

And so. Back to lunch today. Jessie and I went to Sahara's and the special was baked chicken with rice and I ordered that with my side of a Greek salad and Jessie got the stuffed grape leaves with pita and hummus and her side of Greek salad and we shared and it was delicious.


But I tell you- the baked chicken, even with it's lemon and oregano spiced skin couldn't begin to compare with Angelo's baked chicken which was presented as a tiny half of a bird, so small and tender that I used to accuse him of actually baking the pigeons that took up residence on the roof of his building instead of actual chickens.
We gave August a leg bone and he loved it and he shared it with his mama.
And the salad had feta on it but not one olive, not one peperoncini. Still, the dressing was pleasingly vinegary and the slice of tomato was perfect and the white ring of onion was sweet.
I am not complaining and I'm not even really comparing.
This is just the way it is.

But oh, what I wouldn't give to go back one more time to eat a lunch with Sue at Angelo's. I would get the snapper flakes and she would get the shrimp and we would drink our iced tea and cackle over our salads with the Greek trim, always served with an assortment of crackers. Maybe our server would be Glenn from the Virgin Islands with his dark, dark face and his white, white smile, his deceptively slow, deliberately artful way, or maybe we would have Ena who tall and regal and who was from Sweden, bringing our salads and bread. We would be surrounded by lawyers and politicians eating their own businessman's luncheons, all of us wiping our chins with the blue cloth napkins as we sat in the blue upholstered seats.
Who knows how much of Florida law got written in Angelo's?
I do not know. But I am sure that some of it did.
And that deals got done which affect me and my family to this day, most likely.

Well. There you go. That's what I'm thinking about tonight. How food is life and how our nostalgia for the food we loved which was good and which nourished us at some important part of our life will be with us forever.

Angelo may not have been the most personable of people. He may not have given his smiles freely or glad-handed his customers glibly but he provided a place where we could all come- hippies and musicians and politicians and governors and law-office employees and yes, thirteen-year old Girl Scouts- and be fed and treated equally.
And his wife took care of all the rest and the flowers she grew at home always graced the cashier's desk and I remember burying my nose in her gardenias, I remember how I always felt loved when I ate there.

And it was good. And I miss it.

It was a million years ago and if I close my eyes and blink, it was right this second.

I swear to you.

Love...Ms. Moon







Who AM I?


Besides the mosquitoes, I've never seen a summer quite so filled with spiders. I can't tell you how many times I've bounced off a golden orb weaver's web in the last few days. They are that strong. And of course, there are other varieties of spider whose webs are not as strong and which I do not realize are there until I feel the almost weightless strands of them on my shoulders as I walk through them.

It's so odd to me that I have all of this free time and yet, the very idea that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, is making me a bit crazy. Hell, I could drive down to Apalachicola for the day, buy myself lunch, do a little shopping, even go to the beach...
There is nothing holding me here, not even the thinnest wisp of web.

And yet, as always, I feel unequal to the act of getting in the car and...leaving.
Going.

So many choices of what I could do, probably should do.
Like standing in the grocery store in the cereal aisle, overwhelmed by the choices and finally just leaving without one box of the stuff.
Too much.

Why does everything feel like too much to me?
When did I become so afraid of everything? When did I stop being the sort of woman who made friends and tended to the sick and injured and sat down to write and took care of four children and a husband and pets and went out every Friday night?

It was a process.
And I don't know that I'm truly afraid of doing things. Just...so easily overwhelmed.
But not by spiders. One of which (and I am not making this up) just tried to anchor a web on my elbow.

Yeah. I need to get out of the house.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Yes. That Is What My Kitchen Looks Like


The high point of my day- I finally mopped the kitchen. Twice. It was so nasty. Not that you can tell, really, because that soft pine floor is so stained from our dirty feet and all the things I drop on it. But it will feel good to walk on and that's a fact.
When I was sweeping a corner before I mopped, I found a perfect squirrel tail and one organ which I assume came from the same squirrel who lost it's tail. I did not look at the organ directly so I don't know what it was. I just swept it and the tail into the dust pan and took them, averting my eyes the entire time, outside to the yard and tossed them into the bushes so, as if by magic, I could not be named as an accomplice to yet another squirrel murder, which of course I am, seeing as how Maurice is my cat.
Although an argument could be made that Maurice just allows me to let her sleep and eat cat food in my house, no ownership implied.

I am feeling pissy tonight. Probably because I didn't do much today. I did take a walk which was a poorly thought-out situation. I waited until noon when it was hot and the humidity was overbearing. I sprayed myself with repellent but when I had to duck into the woods off the path to pee, I was so swarmed that I thought that perhaps they'd find my dead, blood-drained body, shorts around my ankles in a day or two.
Because you know- I forgot to spray my butt. 
This mosquito thing is not funny. It's actually scary.

So. Mosquitoes, floor mopping.

Oh yeah. I'm having fun now.

Also:
The new editor of Esquire magazine is not making me happy.
And?
The article about Bruce Springsteen and his soon-to-be-coming-out autobiography in Vanity Fair sucked in my opinion. The writer inserted himself inappropriately and ended with a stupid personal "insight" that he had about the song "Born To Run."
But I must admit that this picture did not suck.


Annie Leibovitz couldn't piss me off if she tried.

Let's see how tomorrow goes.

Love...Ms. Moon

P.S. Maurice is belled already so don't suggest that. It would just piss me off even more.
Thank you.


How Can You Stop Rock and Roll? Plus, New Chickens: Life In Lloyd


Three new chicks.
Our friend Kelly borrowed our old incubator and is hatching eggs at a furious pace and brought me these little ones today. I don't have names for them but I do have a place for them and I'd be outside hanging out with them but the mosquitoes are so bad that I can't even imagine going outside, even after spraying myself with The Real Deal repellant unless it is absolutely necessary.

Good god, y'all. I've never seen mosquitoes this bad in my entire life and I've lived in Florida since I was five years old.

Anyway, it's not quite ten-thirty and I've accomplished most of my goals for today and I need to come up with some new ones. Watching this again may be one of them.



Yeah. I'm obsessed. I'd say don't you judge me but I don't care if you do or not.

Love...Ms. Moon

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Ommmmm...

Ah...
Breathe in, breathe out.
All is well.

Mr. Moon is safely to his destination and I am now realizing that so much of my anxiety before he leaves is because I worry that I can't take the sort of care of him which I feel I must take when he is so far away but when he finally leaves I just have to let it go, trust in his strength (which is mighty) and his abilities and let him have his fun and know that he and I both will be perfectly okay.

I got a text from him a little after noon which said, "Made it to Toronto and have a 2 hour layover. It's time to eat. I am feeling loved, fortunate, and blessed. You and our family is what I have always wanted. We are a strong tribe. My love to all."

This is why I love this man. He is simply good.

So it's been a fine day. I went to the grocery store where I ran into an old friend who told me a horrifying tale of his hurricane experience- his wife had a heart attack DURING THE STORM and he could not take her to the hospital nor could EMS get to their house because of the wind and rain and falling trees. He gave her aspirin and kept her still and before it even started getting light the next morning, he loaded her and a chain saw in the truck and cut and hacked his way out to the hospital where they were the first patients through the door after the storm had passed.
She is fine. She is just fine.
But. Can you imagine?
I am so grateful for them that all is now well and that is wife is well on the road to recovery. Life is so tenuous.

I went to Costco and got a few things for me and for Lily and met her at the bus stop to give her what I'd bought for her and then came on home and actually cleaned out my refrigerator. What a glorious feeling to take jars of turned-to-sugar jellies and throw them away along with crap I know we'll never eat. I took the resulting trash to the garbage place and cleaned up the kitchen and finished the laundry and then the guy came to fix my internet.
I was his favorite customer of the day.


First thing he did was to check the router where he discovered that I had the phone line plugged into the wrong port. I had plugged it into the port marked "phone" when obviously, green should have gone into the green port, which is clearly labeled DSL. 
Haha! 
That took about one second but he spent some time telling me about the horrors of what it had been like for him and his coworkers after the storm. One has no idea of what all goes into the functioning of phone and internet lines! 
Well. Now I have a bit more of an idea. 
I told him that I was sorry I was such an idiot but that I'm old and so I simply admit that I'm an idiot and am not too worried about it. He reassured me that no, he sees plenty of things that make me look like not such an idiot and that was gracious and kind of him. 

And oh! When I got home from the store, I noticed that my kitchen door was shut, which is most unusual. It's a spring-loaded door and we almost never close it and I knew that when I left, it was wide open as always. I gingerly opened it and checked to see if things looked to be normal and they did, but then I noticed that on the floor of the hallway there was a very dead, very young squirrel. 
Oh Maurice. 
I suppose there was a battle in which the door got sprung shut. 
I know she was bringing me a gift. Besides the mortal chest wound there were no marks whatsoever on the poor creature. Does she know that my man has gone and does she feel the need to provide for me in his absence? 

I have no idea. 

But whatever, I feel amply provided for and have a little pot on the stove with what HAS to be the last of the zipper cream peas and green beans along with onions and brown rice and have I a chicken pot pie in the freezer and all is well and I am content and happy and relaxed and tomorrow I'm getting my three new baby chickens. I have books to read and magazines, too. 

My husband is happy and safe and he will be coming home eventually and if history tells me anything, it's that after two weeks of hunting in Canada, he'll be mighty glad to be back in the arms of his tribe and in his own bed. 

Sweet dreams, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon




Still



Yesterday was insane and a bit blurry, like that picture which I love, despite the blurriness. I took it in the kid reading room at the library where Gibson was not reading, as you can see, but was racing around that table at full super-speed.

Gibson is a hoot. While we were at lunch he asked me what color my hair is.
"Brown and gray," I told him.
"Gray's not a color," he said.
"Yes it is. Gray's a color."
"What shape is gray?" he asked.
"Shape? Colors don't come in shapes," I told him with the confidence born of being an adult.
"Yes they do," he said.
"What shape is red?" I asked him.
"Heart," he said immediately.

Oh my.

Later on, when we were at the library, we went into the Friendship Shop which is the little area where they sell books and things. The lady who seems to volunteer there (I think she's a volunteer) is absolutely beautiful. She seems ageless and has an accent not native to this country but it's beautiful and she is animated with a spark that has a lot to do with her beauty, her agelessness. She was kneeling on the floor looking for something when Gibson went up to her and tapped her on the knee.
"Yes?" she asked him, giving him her full attention, as she would for an adult.
"Can I ring that bell?" he asked, pointing to the little service bell on the desk.
"Yes!" she said. "Hit it hard!"
"Will you stand there?" he asked, pointing again to the desk.
"Of course," she said. She got up and went behind her desk.
"Will you go down behind the desk?" he asked.
By now, Lily and I were suffering from a bit of embarrassment. He was being a bit...bossy? Impolite? Rude?
But the lady took all of this in stride, and she was beaming with pleasure.
"Of course!" she said again, and she ducked down behind the desk.
Gibson, with great solemnity, hit the bell, twice, making it ring loud and clear and she popped up and said, "Can I help you?"
Oh. He was so delighted! And the lady seemed to be delighted too.
"You are so darling! Please come visit me again soon!" she said. "You have made my day!"
Lily told Gibson to thank her for playing with him and he did and we left the library on a stream of the lady's sweet silvery laughter.

And that was a good part of the day, for sure, although I felt jangly and weird all day long. I found a newish book about the Rolling Stones at the library which I checked out. Of course. "The Sun and the Moon and The Rolling Stones" written by Rich Cohen, a journalist who covered them on a tour in 1994. A film made about their tour in Latin America last year is being premiered at the Toronto Film Festival on Friday. It's strange how fascinating the Stones still are to people. I mean, it's not just me. Obviously. But I am certainly glad to partake of the results of the fascinations.
And of course I can't wait to see the movie.

But that's not what I was talking about which was how weird yesterday was, this sadness which overtook me probably because my man was leaving and it got weirder as he realized that the case he'd bought to take his hunting bow in with him did not fit the bow and he'd ordered it specially because it fit the airlines' criteria for safe hunting bow regulations and so, at the last minute last night he had to run back to Tallahassee where he did indeed find another case that fit but it had no key for the lock and so he had to go buy a chain and a lock and then he spent the rest of the evening packing everything, everything, everything except for me, I do believe.

I didn't sleep well because I knew he was getting up at four something to get to Jason's house because Jason was going to take him to the airport for his 7:30 flight. Jason had to be at work at six or something crazy like that anyway.

We had discussed this drop-off and pick-up at lunch and I flat-out told him that I wasn't going to take him to the airport at five-thirty in the morning and I probably wasn't going to be picking him up when he returns at 11:00 at night either and then I felt terribly guilty.
I asked Lily later if that made me the worst wife in the world.
"Mom," she said. "There are women who cut off their husband's penises and then kill them, so no."
"Thanks for perspective," I said.
"Anytime," she answered.

So it was a day like that and a night of little sleep and I did get up to tell him good-bye when he left. He must have been carrying at last four hundred pounds of stuff with him and I was scared he'd have a heart-attack just getting those bags into his car before the whole trip even began but he didn't and he texted me that he got exit-row seats for his entire flight and that's wonderful. He really is a giant, this man and sitting in a regular airplane seat for any amount of time is simply excruciating for him.
But after he left I got back in bed and read for a little while and then turned the light out and went back to sleep and when I woke up, the house was empty but for me and so it will be for almost two weeks.

And so what am I doing for the time he will be gone?
I am not sure.
Today I need to go back to town to get a few things that I didn't have time to get yesterday and I am doing laundry and so very little is different so far. Tomorrow I am getting my three new chicks and also the guy from the telephone company is coming to fix the line problem which is vexing my internet. These are not big things and my life is not made of big things. Right this second, I am content to sit on my back porch with the fan on me, watching the way the shadows and light change and play in the back yard, the way one elephant ear is tossing itself over and over in the breeze, the way the birds come and go, flying from feeder to branch and back again. It's so quiet and still that sound of one dropping magnolia leaf gets my attention.
I am pondering.
What shape is gray? What shape is green or yellow or blue?

The first firespike is blooming. Can red be the shape of the firespike bloom as well as a heart?

I need to ask Gibson who knows these things.

Love...Ms. Moon








Monday, September 12, 2016

Cousins


Although it looks as if Maggie is trying to hold hands with August, she's really only interested in stealing the lemon slice which August is holding.

As you can see, he's not quite sure what to think about this.

Mind Ramble



Mr. Moon might as well already be gone. In his head, I am sure he is and when he gets on the plane tomorrow, it will just be his body catching up with his consciousness and that's how it goes when he takes these trips. I understand that.
Meanwhile, I'm firmly still here in Lloyd and will be for quite some time and that's okay too. There will be jaunts to Tallahassee and I think I'll hit the library today and maybe have lunch with some of my kids.
I don't know.
It rained half a Rubbermaid cart last night, full on downpour, scary almost and the mosquitoes are as bad as I've ever seen them. Get in the car and they come with you, swarming about as you try to drive.
It's insane.
Well, what isn't?

Monday.  A perfect day to fall apart/come together, fall apart/come together.
Be here now or be elsewhere.

Let's go.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

And Then...


I've felt better today and realized when I woke up that truly, I've only had this cold thing for a week, which is not so long for a virus to hang on. I didn't even try, though, to do much of anything. My husband is busy enough for both of us, getting his things ready to go to Canada and when I tell you that I got up at three-thirty this morning to pee and found hunting clothes running in the washing machine, you may as well believe me because it is the truth.

Lily and the children came over and we drove to Monticello. I wanted to go to the Tractor Supply there to get chick starter feed for the wee ones coming this week and the boys have been wanting overalls and I thought they would have them. They did not, though, not that would fit the boys. We did, however, get Maggie June a pair of very pink baby girl Carhartt overalls which are going to be darling on her this winter. I love the Tractor Supply. It has EVERYTHING and as Lily pointed out, would be an excellent place to go should the Zombie Apocalypse happen. They have weapons and dirt and seeds and all of the things you'd need to survive. Even food, of a sort. Mostly the snacky sort, but still.
We paid for our purchases and drove the back way to the Wacissa. While we drove, I put the annual Oxford American CD in for us to listen to. We heard this song, among others.




What a perfect song to drive past fields and cows and horses and little houses and tiny crossroad villages listening to! "Why does something so simple make me so happy?" I asked Lily.
She did not know.
But it does. It did.

There were lots of people at the river and among them, a woman that I knew so many years ago and haven't seen in over a decade. We had an odd and strange and beautiful and amazing and painful relationship. I look back at it and wonder how in the world it came to be. But it did. And it was an incredibly strong relationship and it occurred at a time in this woman's life when almost everything had been taken from her, including her life. We took her in for awhile and she became one of mine and that was good, it was fine, but we became too immeshed for our own good and that was mostly my fault. Mine entirely, most likely. We split apart and then came back together when another tragedy befell her and in fact, that was close to fourteen years ago, right now.
Again, we fell apart after that.
I was not always grace-full but it's as if my part in her life was absolutely delineated to specific times and places and I recognize that now and I know I played my part when it was mine to play and I did it as best I could and I do not regret any of it, and wish I could say that I was still the sort of woman who would do it all over again. I think I would.
And she has come so far. She got all kinds of degrees and runs her own business now and has moved back to Tallahassee and travels far and wide and does good works. She looks wonderful, seems at peace, and I am so glad for her.
It was mighty fine to see her and I was happy for her to get to meet Owen and Gibson and Magnolia, to see Lily all grown up from the little girl she used to know to the mother and woman Lily is now.

Mr. Moon came down to the river to join us as he had worked in the yard some and needed to cool down and it was good. It was a simple, easy time at the river with children playing and perhaps a bit of healing, too.
A day of the most prosaic familiars as well as the completely unexpected.

I came home and tackled the cabinet where the leftover containers live and threw away so many old empty containers and lids without bottoms and bottoms without lids and that felt fitting and good, such a small chore, but one that will make my life less frustrating.
Simple. Simple things that make us happy, like listening to a man singing about building a stone fence, a sweet potata, a guy named Raggy Levy, ragged as a jay bird while a baby drowses in the back seat, two boys chatter softly, and the roads unfold before us, leading us straight to the river where we never know who we'll see, who we'll meet, but knowing almost for certain that the river will welcome us into itself and allow us clarity and coolness and to arise from it somehow different and perhaps even better, than we were before we gave ourselves to it and it accepted us.

While we were talking to Jennifer at the river, she told us about a video that had been recorded of her speaking of the accident which led her to my home. I'd embed it but somehow, I feel shy to.
But you can find the link here, if you want to see it.
It's powerful.

Love...Ms. Moon


Strength, Faith, Hope, Love

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Let It Be/The Screen Door Slams



Fucking super hero despite what he says but I love him anyway.

I'm just in the worst mood and I'm tired of being sick and goddammit, I am not going outside to work again until it cools down. I'm just sick of this heat and I'm sick of feeling like I'm failing at life.
I went out and did a little chick-coop clean-up and then picked up a few cartloads of branches, slowly, slowly, and the sweat poured off of me and I had to stop frequently and come in and drink water in front of the fan and then I just said fuck the branches, let them lie, I can't do this, and I went and laid down on my bed and finished reading a book and it was so sad but with some hope at the end and I tried to sleep for a little while, to at least drift down to that place like drug-land where everything is floaty and okay, okay, okay, but it didn't really work out that way and I just felt mean and mad and achey and like someone had put lead slugs in my eyeballs, screwed them in like we put those dimes in our little cards, collecting for the March of Dimes back when we were kids.

Failing at life, flailing at life, maybe I'm just about to break on through to the other side, as Jim Morrison said, oh wait. That didn't work out so well for him although I suppose that strictly speaking, he did break on through to the other side, as we all will, eventually.

Wow! Hope you didn't come by here to get cheered up tonight!

And I must admit that in a crazy silly bit of synchronicity there is a male cardinal at the feeder right now who is chanting CHEER, CHEER, CHEER, CHEER! or something very like that, with another male answering back from a nearby tree. His call is two syllables and unintelligible to me and for all I know, it's a mockingbird, not another cardinal at all.
I actually know less about wild birds than I do about human beings although this whole Trump thing makes me doubt that too.

I'm so scared. Are you?

Well, let us keep doing our best and when we've picked up all the branches we can, stop and go in the house and let them fall where they may, just like the chips, like the dice, like even the roses which are blooming their late-summer blooms, I saw the first stalk of a hurricane lily coming up today (you're late, bitch!) and the Confederate roses are budding up too. I think of Bruce Springsteen who has a new book coming out soon and he talks about his depression in it, he's suffered too, and if he can, who can't? and I think how he's currently doing concerts that last four hours plus some seconds and I want to say, BRUCE! STOP IT! YOU'RE SIXTY-SIX YEARS OLD AND YOU'RE MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK SO BAD AND BESIDES THAT, THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO FOR FOUR HOURS IN A ROW IS TO SLEEP, okay? okay? okay?

God, I need a shower.

Tomorrow's Sunday. I can't wait.





Is It All Just A Dream?

We're both snot-filled and not-happy over here today. This is ridiculous. And Mr. Moon can't sleep, probably for worrying about how he's going to hunt while coughing although his sinus drainage isn't helping with the sleep thing either.
I had the weirdest worst dreams. I mean, crazy. Like, I had a huge, beautiful wedding and no one stuck around after the ceremony and NO ONE TOASTED ME and even my mother disappeared.
Seriously?
I've been married twice. Once in Bainbridge, Georgia in City Hall and once in a park in downtown Tallahassee and that was a very sweet wedding but small as could be and everyone definitely stuck around for the reception and we were toasted lovingly and well.
So. Why that dream?
I dreamed I was teaching elementary school next. I had NO teacher manuals, no idea how to access the surely-needed school website, and other things occurred which I'm not even going to discuss although they did involve poop.
That's two of the dreams I had.
I had another one where access to a house that wasn't mine seemed to be of utmost importance. I'd been entrusted with a key in one case which would not work to lock the house back up and I couldn't just leave the door open which caused me a great deal of worry. The other house had a window that I couldn't fasten and a cat was involved in that one.
I mean, WTF?
Why am I concerned about someone else's home's safety? Or is all of this just symbolic for something else? Am I breeching someone's privacy somehow? I don't think so.
Whatever. I'm exhausted from so much stress and worry and to tell you the truth, when I wasn't dreaming I was having a hard time sleeping too.

Okay, okay. Gotta get off my butt and clean up the chick cage and maybe pick up some branches and I don't even know what. I don't know shit today which is actually no different than any other day although my head feels sort of dreamy and floaty but not in a good way.

Lord. Fuck this virus.

Please.

(That was like a prayer, right?)

Love...Ms. Moon

Friday, September 9, 2016

Despite And Then, Because


Despite a delicious lunch at El Patron with that little peach dumpling and her mama and her brother and her Uncle Hank,


and despite the fact that I went to the Dollar Store and bought four nylon scrubbers that I like for one dollar along with a spatter screen for cooking bacon for one dollar and despite seeing Togi and getting three beautiful hugs and despite the fact that I have everything in the world I could want up to and including over four months of sweet and delicious anticipation of a trip to Cozumel and despite the fact that I am the luckiest woman in the world...
I am sad.
I have the saddies, as my Sue used to say and I think it's because my sweetheart, my husband, is about to leave for two weeks in Canada which is so very far away and I will miss him.
Oh, y'all. It never occurred to me as a child that I'd one day be married to such a good man and for so long. My own papa was such an evil drunk, although when he was sober he was nice, I guess. I hardly have any memories of him at all and most of them are not something one really cares to revisit. My stepfather was just a human being that quite frankly, the world would have been better off without except that he fathered two sons whom I love but between him and my real father, I didn't grow up with a very positive attitude about marriage or husbands or families, either, to tell you the truth. Sort of a torture chamber where the young were kept imprisoned until the holy high day when they could step outside into the real world and make their own sins and mistakes.

But. Here I am, almost thirty-two years married to this man who sometimes drives me insane, as I am sure I drive him insane, but he is, at the heart and soul of it all, well- he is my heart and soul.

And hell. I'll just miss him when he's gone. And let's face it- we are coming to an age where one of us will be leaving for forever at some point and if you think that age makes you somehow more able to conceive of that, to be more accepting of it, well then, just go ahead and live about twenty or thirty more years and get back to me on the subject.

He's just such a good man. And I can live without him for two weeks, without a doubt. I've done it many times before and it's not so bad. I like my solitude and I have all my young-'uns to keep me from isolating myself too much and I don't feel afraid to be alone at all and it's an easy time of it to cook and take care of only me but still. I will just miss him.

Simply miss him.

It occurred to me today as I wondered why I can't kick this virus, that every time that he goes out of town for awhile I get sick. This is just the way of it. I am not quite myself if he is not around.

Well. I'm going to get three or four new baby chicks next week and that will give me something to look forward to, to tend and take care of. And maybe I'll have the boys over for a night or two while their grandfather is gone and spoil them a little bit. Give me an excuse to make pancakes.

There are lots of things I could do and maybe I will and it will all be fine.
And maybe acknowledging all of this will help me feel better.
We shall see.

We're going to finish up the soup tonight and I'll heat up the bread I made too. He will ask me, as he always does when I'm getting supper ready and on the table, if he can help me. I never need help but I appreciate his offer every time he makes it. And he'll thank me for whatever I serve him because he always does that too. And frequently, he cleans up the kitchen when we're done.

A good man is hard to find, they say.
Well. I found one. And I've held on to him as best I could and I know that sometimes I have to let him go off to do what he does because that's part of him knowing that I love him.
Which I do. So very, very much.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon

Going Heart-Home

Sitting here this morning, still feeling about halfway shitty, I got a text from my husband with the confirmation of a reservation he printed out for the trip we'll be taking over Christmas and New Year's.

We are going back to Cozumel.

I am crying.


Twenty-nine years of visits.
My heart is bursting. I have missed it so.


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Two Tears In A Bucket


I saw so many butterflies on my walk this morning but none of them would stay still long enough for me to take their pictures but this little moth (I think!) posed prettily for me when I went to hang some things on the line.

I was feeling so much better today so of course I went out and did stuff and that's fine. I needed to. The hen house was a poopy mess but we were out of hay until yesterday when Mr. Moon brought some home so I have an excuse but still...
And the poor chickens are molting like little demons. Their nests and the floor of the hen house looks like a murder scene.


Mick has no long tail feathers left but he'll grow new ones. Egg production is way down too. Today was a big day in that I got two eggs. Again, it'll pick back up. 

The last of my own personal friends who were without electricity got hooked back up again today. I guess the governor really did show them how to do the job right. Uh-huh. So far he hasn't shown up here to help with the downed limbs. I would have even given him some soup and I had another bowl of it for lunch and I have to say that there is nothing wrong with that soup and it was pretty darn good. Anyway, since my friends all have power now, I'm going to go ahead and whine about my internet which has been a bit slow since the storm. 
Wah-wah-wah.

That's enough. Done.

So have any of y'all read this book?


It is not a novel that I would have probably picked out of the library to read with my eyes but the selection of audio books is such that I'll try things I normally wouldn't and that's turned out to be a good thing. I really enjoyed this one and have discovered that Ang Lee made a movie out of it which is funny because part of the plot of the novel is that a producer is trying to get a movie made out of a battle that Billy Lynn and his company in Iraq were in. I'd like to see the movie. Steve Martin's in it, among others. Didn't even know he was still acting.

Gotta give a shout-out to Lady Chablis, the real true star of both the book and the movie of "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil." Her NYT obit can be found HERE. 
She was a local girl in that she was born just down the road in Quincy, Florida and let me tell you something- for a little boy to grow up in that tiny backwoods town and become transgendered back when she did and to become famous and to be the woman she was is nothing short of an example of the incredible richness of the human spirit. 

So. Here's to you, Lady Chablis. Ain't no one ever been like you and ain't likely to be and you probably changed the lives of a great many people whom you never even met or considered and I thank you. The New York Times called you "eccentric" but I think you were electric and absolutely divine. 


You made the world a richer and prettier place and damn, you're going to be missed. 

All love...Ms. Moon

Moving On, Sort Of

Everything still seems so jackie dip around here. Mr. Moon hasn't gone to work yet. He got hardly any sleep last night and throat is very sore. I took a walk and now I'm going to clean the hen house and then I'm going to have to go to Publix because I put all of our food in that soup and frankly, it was okay, not horrendous, but I think one bowl was about enough for me.
I don't know. It's like Hermine roiled the waters of our life and even though ostensibly, everything is back to normal, it just doesn't feel like it.
And I know it doesn't feel like it to the people who STILL don't have power.
Yesterday Prick Scott put on a pair of jeans and a work shirt and some gloves and blocked up a bunch of roads with press crews and had pictures taken of him "helping" clean up fallen branch debris.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
After a fucking week of doing nothing but issuing press releases about how poorly our mayor was handling the actual, you know- job of it, he showed him how it was done.


Dude. Owen could have handled that branch. 

Anyway, life does go on no matter how it "feels" and that's just the way it is. 

Onward.

Love...Ms. Moon

P.S. Note to Governor Voldemort: We still have lots of branches down in our yard. If you want to bring those strong guys in the fatigues over to help clean them up, we'd appreciate it. I mean, we don't really NEED you to or anything but I'll take your picture and post it here. I promise. 
Okay?
Okay. 

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Regional And Medicinal Cooking

I think I might be making the strangest soup I've ever made.
And that's saying something.
I started out by cooking the carcass of a rotisserie chicken we had last week along with one frozen chicken breast. To the broth I used, I added half a huge Vidallia onion with a softball-sized head of elephant garlic which I had peeled and run through the food processor until it was a lovely white, creamy mess of anti-oxidant or whatever-the-hell-onions-and-garlic-have-in-them slush of beauty.
Also, some sun-dried tomatoes that have been in the refrigerator forever.
After the chicken cooked and the onion/garlic slush had turned translucent, I added a bunch of celery and carrots and a can of diced tomatoes and then...
leftover coleslaw.
What you say?
Coleslaw?
Yes. Coleslaw. Which is basically cabbage and mayonnaise and mayonnaise is basically fat so there you go.
Wine, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, Bragg's seasoning.
Since it was now a big ol' mishegoss, I added chopped spinach, some arugula that was about to go yellow, a handful of the last green beans on the vines and some green peas which were languishing in the freezer.
On a roll now.
I decided that I would be adding last night's shrimp and tomato pasta so I went ahead and have added more noodles, broken up into smaller pieces and a little seashell pasta.
This is going to either be the best fucking soup ever or a dismal failure.
I do not care. We're going to eat it and in making the soup, I have taken most of the leftovers in the refrigerator and condensed them all together in one big pot and it has been simmering for hours. And it WILL have healing properties.
Because I say so.
And hey- give me credit- I did not add the leftover baked beans.

This is the virus that keeps on giving. August is now running a fever again and Jessie and Lily and my husband all have sore throats. Mr. Moon reports that every muscle in his body aches.

Yes. I know how that feels.

Jesus. He's NEVER sick.

He's supposed to leave for Canada in six days to hunt for two weeks. And trust me- he will.

Well, what are you going to do? Take Ibuprofen, eat soup, rest, be grateful we have air-conditioning.

And that's the way it is tonight right here in Lloyd, Florida.

Love...Ms. Moon