If You Are Offended By Blasphemy Do Not Read This. You Have Been Warned

Lloyd Post Office Boxes

So I hit my limit today when it comes to shopping. You may ask, "Ms. Moon, how much shopping have you actually done?" and I would have to reply, "Up until today, very little." Especially when it comes to Christmas shopping. I know that there are people on this earth who love nothing more than strolling the aisles of stores, searching for the perfect Christmas gifts and/or Christmas decor items while bouncy Christmas carols flood their eardrums and the air smells of cinnamon potpourri. 

I have nothing in common with those people. I imagine them as folks for whom the acquisition of things is a major joy in their lives. I think they are probably the same people who have those horrifyingly idiotic blow-up snowmen and Santas and reindeer on their lawns that sag and die during the daytime. The same people who have an entire garage or storeroom or rented storage unit or attic filled with garlands and tinsel and lights and Santa Clauses and Mrs. Clauses and elves and sleds and whatever-the-fuck people decorate with. 

If you are one of these people, please forgive me. Or don't. I have severe emotional issues when it comes to Christmas which do not allow me to enjoy it in the least and to look at people who do enjoy it with absolutely no understanding whatsoever. 
In fact, I'm not sure anyone really enjoys it except for little children who love presents and sugar. It's like everyone has to fake it because we've been so brain-washed and gas-lighted by the endless carols and religions and TV ads that we just go along with it all so that no one calls us a GRINCH which doesn't even begin to describe the way I personally feel about all of it. Ask any mother if Christmas is the hap-happiest time of the year for her and she may well begin to sob, especially if she's had an eggnog or two and feels that she's in a safe enough space to admit the truth which is that she is so tired and stressed out and resentful that she's not sure how she's going to make it through the next week.  

Okay. Okay. I didn't mean to do that and yet I did. You knew I would. I always do. And I am certain that there are people, including mothers, who get a whole lot of joy out of Christmas. 
Bless them. I know that Baby Jesus loves them to pieces. 

I did a few, uh, holiday-related things this morning and early afternoon that were not nearly as stressful as they could have been. I do not feel free to discuss them here at this time. 

And then, because I am a selfish old bitch, I went shoe shopping for myself which is something I have not done in a coon's age (translation: a very long time). I recently decided that what I need is a pair of Birkenstocks, the Arizona style. 
Alla-y'all know these shoes.

They've been around so long that I'm pretty sure Jesus was wearing them as he walked on the water and drove the demon-infested pigs off a cliff. He may have been wearing another style of Birks when he changed the water into wine because that was a wedding and thus, a more formal activity and requiring a more sturdy shoe appropriate to wine-inspired dancing. 

Those would go well with a robe, right? 

I had decided that the Birks would work for me as well as they worked for Jesus. For some bizarre reason, they are experiencing a comeback and are quite trendy and you know I do like to stay "with it" and "hep". I may be old but I can still be groovy! 

Also, I could wear socks with the Arizona style which is major because I don't really have shoes that you can also wear socks with and sometimes it gets cold enough here in Florida that socks are necessary. Honestly, the only shoes I wear these days are flip flops of one type or another and the "classic" lined Croc. I can and do wear socks with the Crocs but sometimes they just make me feel a little dowdy. Ya' know?

So I went to Shoe Station where I knew they carried Birkenstocks and I bet I spent an hour there looking at shoes and trying a few pairs on. Okay, maybe three pairs. Or maybe just two. I found the Birk Arizonas and I tried them on but they don't work for my feet and I think this is what happens every time I decide I need a pair of them. They have quite an arch support and I have a very high arch so that bugs me, plus that strap right over the arch just hurts. Also, since I never wear real shoes, they just hurt in general. 
Shall we say they rub me the wrong way?

But I got into one of those dead zones of the mind while I was in the giant shoe store, going up and down aisles and pondering different styles that I thought might work for me and then deciding that no, they would not. It was so fucking depressing. 
I finally snapped out of it and left. I passed one of the cashiers on my way out who said, "Have a nice rest of your day!" and I did say thank-you but what I wanted to say is, "That ship sailed the minute I walked in here."

Then I did about the stupidest thing I've ever done which was to walk to the Home Goods store which was just a short distance away. Ever been to a Home Goods store? No? Well, they have home goods. All kinds of home goods. Pots, pans, sheets, towels, quilts, rugs, weird food products, cooking utensils, eating utensils, some toys, lamps, decorative pillows, knick-knacks, cheap furniture! Decorative everything plus this time of year, aisles of Christmas crap. 

Oh god, oh god, oh god. 
I felt myself dying. The music, the people walking around throwing random things in their carts, their shoulders so slumped they were barely able to keep their heads in the right place, the looks of desperation and whatever the opposite of joy is on their faces. 
But I couldn't get out of there. I kept thinking that there had to be something that someone I love would love even though I knew that was not true and so what if it was? I still had to get out of there. I began to tear up, I swear to you I felt like I was hallucinating. Finally, and at last, I stumbled out. 

But the travails had not ended! No, no, no. I got in my car and headed towards the interstate because I wanted to get back home as soon as humanly possible but the traffic in that particularly over-populated and traveled part of town was backed up and seeing this, I took a side road that I had no idea as to where it led and I soon discovered that where it led was to one of Tallahassee's oldest and biggest subdivisions with roads that wander and meander and I sort of had no idea where I was and got stuck for at least fifteen minutes behind a truck trying to turn left from one meandering road to another and finally, when I got back to the SAME ROAD I'd been on when I decided to take the side road, I sort of lost whatever shred of mind I had left. A tiny shred, like you'd find in a carrot salad, maybe. The tiniest, smallest, micro carrot shred in the salad. 

Got on the interstate and came home. 
I am never leaving Lloyd again. 
Nope, nope, not going to happen. 

All right. This made me happy.

Maggie's Christmas gift arrived! I think she will love it. Thanks, Debby, for the idea. 

And also- this is what I needed. This soothes my soul. 

Another camellia has begun to bloom. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. Let it all go. 

Love...Ms. Moon