Come On, Helene, Let's Get This Shit Over With

All right. Now that my doctor's appointment is over, I can concentrate on storm anxiety. 
Jesus H. Christ but this has not been a good week. 

Dr. Zorn was as precious as ever. He has a new med tech working there who was also incredibly sweet and empathetic. I explained my extreme anxiety about doctor visits to him and told him, "I will probably cry. Don't worry." 
He tried his hardest to reassure me and was very kind and although this may be inappropriate, I have to say that he was a fine-looking young man and I was happy to hear that he has gotten into the FSU training program to become a P.A. I congratulated him on that. 
But yes, I was pretty much crying the whole time. 

Dr. Zorn buzzed in as he does. He approached me and put his hand out, grabbed mine, and sort of held it to his chest for a moment. I wonder if he has any idea how much that means to a patient like me? We got right into all the stuff- how I'd try to get off the HRT and how that really did not work at all and how I've been having days of fairly continual weeping and the feelings I've been having of uselessness and how reclusive I've become. He handed me the box of Kleenex and said, "Do you feel unappreciated?"
"NO!" I said without a second's thought because I most certainly do not. I know that my family appreciates me and that they love me too. It is not that. I have the most caring family I know of, from my husband on down to my grands. It's just... my stupid brain. And so he wants to increase one of my antidepressant meds and I agree with that. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, I'll stop doing it. He said my labs were fine and my blood pressure was...okay. And that's all the discussing we did on that. I asked him about his children and he told me the story of the birth of their last child which was one of the most frightening and traumatic experiences I could ever imagine. I mean seriously. And then we started talking about politics and I told him that had been a source of major anxiety for me. I will just say that he is aligned with me in that area. 
I sometimes wonder if he does not have these non-medical chats with me to make me feel less fearful at our appointments. Perhaps he just loves to talk. Whatever, it does help and I trust him with my care and I trust him with the care of my family. 

So I survived that but I feel wrung out. 

The storm is such a threat. The forecasts all still have it coming right here. It is a huge storm in terms of the area it takes up in the Gulf, which is just about all of it. It's been punishing Cozumel all day but I think it has finally passed them. It has just become an official hurricane but they're saying that by the time it travels the five hundred miles over the Gulf to get here, it will be a Cat 3, with some even saying a Cat 4. They have evacuated all the coastal areas west of here and there are far more people evacuating from Tallahassee than I think I've ever seen before. People are taking this seriously. Not only are schools closed tomorrow and Friday, but all of the Publixes are closing tomorrow which is a huge, big deal. We shall see what happens at the Waffle House. The hope is that the storm moves north quickly, thus having less time to strengthen even more over the warm waters and that when it gets here, it will hit and go. There are still variables that can absolutely change how things turn out. Rob Nucatola is saying that he thinks Helene will start affecting us tomorrow with winds and rain as the bands of the storm whirl and twirl around the eye and that it will make landfall in the early evening and hopefully, hopefully, be passing by midnight. 
A lot can happen between now and then. 
Glen is screwing plywood on the windows in the Glen Den as we speak so that we will have one room without danger of flying glass. 

It is raining now, just a slow drizzle. And this is how it starts. I am thinking that I will be able to post tomorrow although if I am able to post Friday, I will be very, very surprised. 

I'd ask for good thoughts and all that stuff but I don't believe in any of it so just get on with your lives and nature will takes its course. 

Big Love...Ms. Moon