If you look carefully at that blurry picture, you can see two pileated woodpeckers. Those two showed up this morning with a third. They are not completely rare around here but we don't see them every day. I think that this may have been a mated couple and their juvenile child, out for a lesson in finding bugs in hollow trees and branches.
They are splendid birds, very large and dramatically marked. Here's a better picture that I got off the internet.
They are not as large as the magnificent and probably-extinct Ivory Billed Woodpecker (aka the Lord God Bird) but they are gorgeous creatures and I feel that I have had a holy visitation every time I see one.
So that was a fine way to start out my day.
Next week is the beginning of the mass family birthdays around here. Tuesday is Owen's birthday, Wednesday is Lily and Vergil's birthday, and Friday is August's birthday. Shayla's birthday is on Monday, and Billy's on Thursday.
I think I got that right.
I think I got that right.
Anyway, on Saturday we're having a little gathering for those who can come, over at Lily and Lauren's for Owen. Just a snack and cake thing. So I asked Lily what I should bring for the snacking portion of the event. I offered to make the ever-popular and delicious slow-cooker meatballs with the grape jelly and Heinz Chili Sauce sauce. Do not laugh. Or gag. You cannot believe how amazing these damn things are. And if you google it, you will see that yes, it is a real thing.
Are they good for you?
Oh hell no.
Will they be the first thing eaten at a party?
Oh hell no.
Will they be the first thing eaten at a party?
Oh hell yes.
Lily said that would be fine and that actually, Owen had wanted some cocktail wieners in that same sauce so I decided to do both together which means that I will be taking a crockpot full of BALLS AND WIENERS to a fourteen-year old boy's birthday party.
Is that completely inappropriate or completely appropriate?
I do not know but it is making me chuckle. All of the grown-ups have already laughed about this via the text circle this morning and we will not be bringing it up again at the party. At least while any of the children are around.
Is that completely inappropriate or completely appropriate?
I do not know but it is making me chuckle. All of the grown-ups have already laughed about this via the text circle this morning and we will not be bringing it up again at the party. At least while any of the children are around.
So what all of this is leading to is the fact that I needed to go back to town to buy balls and wieners and grape jelly and Heinz Chili Sauce and some other stuff like toilet paper and the things I need to make a lunch for Mr. Moon, Maggie, and me who will be eating together tomorrow at Maggie's school for yet another annual Grandparent's Day luncheon. They were offering Chick-fil-A lunches for those who wanted them but I refuse to pay those homophobic fuckers one red cent. So I got thin white bread to make fancy sandwiches, cut-up watermelon (Maggie's favorite fruit), Pringles (Maggie's favorite chips) and two slices of some sort of very elegant-looking bakery cake with raspberry filling. Also, sparkling Martinelli's apple juice for the darling girl.
Maggie is going to a different school now than the one where Glen and I have attended so many grandparent lunches so this will be an adventure.
Maggie is going to a different school now than the one where Glen and I have attended so many grandparent lunches so this will be an adventure.
Lily and Jessie both have been going through some tearful times lately. Stuff that isn't mine to talk about and they will be fine but it's been HARD for them. So we met for lunch and Lauren was able to come too. We went to a Cuban restaurant and had the best time. We dined. As I have so often said, no one can make me laugh like Lily and that proved true again today. To poor Lauren's embarrassment, Lily, Jessie, and I discussed some rather raunchy topics as well as serious topics. I realize that not every family is able to discuss things that can make others blush but we are one that can and does. Nothing very personal, just...well, we can be salty as the kids are saying these days.
Much laughing was involved.
So that was wonderful and then Lily and I went to the Indian grocery store in the same little strip mall where we both bought fun things and I despaired at the realization that there are so many foods and so many spices that I know nothing about and never use, making me an incredibly white-bread, boring American person. Lily has experimented far more than me with Indian cooking and some of their different vegetables. I am proud of her for that.
And then I came home to find Mr. Moon finishing up his rock garden.
That is a lot of rocks. And there were a lot of baby trees and weeds to pull up. That man is determined. When he starts a job, he finishes it. Okay, sometimes it takes a few years but he gets it done.
I have thought a great deal more about the whole body issue thing. My thoughts are still being processed for sure and this may be one of those circumstances wherein I have to think and write and write and think to get to any real understanding of such an incredibly complex issue.
I so appreciate all of your comments on yesterday's post. One of the reasons I love blogging is that it can be a conversation. A discussion. Anyone who wants to can offer input from their own experience, their own observations, their own cultural and familial influences in this matter which helps us all in our own understanding.
It is so easy to point to our culture, our society, and blame our inability to love and accept ourselves as we are on them. And you know what? A not insignificant part of of the problem does arise from our culture and society. And it did not start with Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton and yes, Joni Mitchell and the way we idolized not only her incredible songwriting and performing, but her perfect image as having the body and hair we all wanted. Actors and performers have always influenced what we see as desirable. I think of Marilyn Monroe here. No, she was not stick-thin like the pin-up girls of the sixties but it was her body that garnered the attention, the adoration.
36-24-36.
How many of you remember when a woman's breast, waist, and hip measurement was a thing that was regularly posted in magazine articles? How many of you had your own tape measure and obsessively exercised and measured yourself over and over again, hoping for something close to that magical 36-24-36?
I so appreciate all of your comments on yesterday's post. One of the reasons I love blogging is that it can be a conversation. A discussion. Anyone who wants to can offer input from their own experience, their own observations, their own cultural and familial influences in this matter which helps us all in our own understanding.
It is so easy to point to our culture, our society, and blame our inability to love and accept ourselves as we are on them. And you know what? A not insignificant part of of the problem does arise from our culture and society. And it did not start with Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton and yes, Joni Mitchell and the way we idolized not only her incredible songwriting and performing, but her perfect image as having the body and hair we all wanted. Actors and performers have always influenced what we see as desirable. I think of Marilyn Monroe here. No, she was not stick-thin like the pin-up girls of the sixties but it was her body that garnered the attention, the adoration.
36-24-36.
How many of you remember when a woman's breast, waist, and hip measurement was a thing that was regularly posted in magazine articles? How many of you had your own tape measure and obsessively exercised and measured yourself over and over again, hoping for something close to that magical 36-24-36?
Or how about this? Doing exercises to supposedly enlarge our breasts while chanting
We must! We must!
We must increase our bust!
The bigger the better,
The tighter the sweater,
The boys depend on us!
Can you imagine a group of girls saying those words now while vigorously pumping their fisted, crooked arms back and forth?
Or what kind of hell there would be to pay if someone asked a movie star or performer or athlete what her measurements were?
Or what kind of hell there would be to pay if someone asked a movie star or performer or athlete what her measurements were?
But you know what? I don't think that things have gotten any better. We may be less overt with some of it but it's all still here.
We'll talk about this more.
And I also want to talk about how families can shame their daughters about what they consider to be too much padding or, too little, as many of you pointed out. I will discuss what I now think about the message I gave my own children about body image.
I ain't proud of it. I fucked up.
I ain't proud of it. I fucked up.
I know it.
And there is so much more to dig up and uncover and expose. There are religious beliefs about modesty which can cause lifetime shame about our bodies. There is sexual abuse and assault which can absolutely destroy a girl's or a woman's feelings about her body.
I saw this picture of Serena Williams today on Facebook.
Look at that beautiful, powerful, amazing woman! And yes, the pictures were accompanied by comments about how big women can be beautiful.
Big women can be beautiful. But only if they're world champion tennis players? If only they're rich and famous?
You tell me.
Big women can be beautiful. But only if they're world champion tennis players? If only they're rich and famous?
You tell me.
I also saw this.
So yes. Women over fifty can also be beautiful.
If they're thin as a rail and their graying hair is long and thick and luxurious and styled and they are wearing incredibly cool outfits and jewelry, influenced by indigenous people.
If they're thin as a rail and their graying hair is long and thick and luxurious and styled and they are wearing incredibly cool outfits and jewelry, influenced by indigenous people.
Ain't no winning this game.
More later. Tell me what you're thinking.
And if you do not regularly read comments on posts, you're missing out. This community has a lot to say about this topic. Lots of wisdom. Lots of insight. I welcome all of it.
Love...Ms. Moon
Seems like it was JUST grandparents lunch. Jeez. Owen's birthday means I've now been a groupie for 14 years I guess. Around here we call those wieners little dinks - I believe all adults worth knowing giggle about those things. My gma always had a spoon of grape jelly on her plate whenever she ate roast beef. I love this community of readers and commenters.
ReplyDeleteDang, Jill! You have been here almost as long as I have! Thank you for being such a good and faithful part of this community.
Delete"Little dinks," huh? I've never heard that one! Nor have I heard of eating grape jelly with roast beef. Worth a try.
How about we just forget about being beautiful?
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that all the old strictures on what is beautiful are just being replaced by broadening the conventions, but not losing the obsession.
Physical beauty is simply the icing on the cake--pleasing but not vital. Some cakes are better without icing. And sometimes bread is better than cake anyway.
and your woodpeckers are amazing! Never seen one of those....we have TONS of acorn woodpeckers, and ladderbacked peckers.......TONS.....but never seen a Pileated and may not ever? What we have is enough to keep me enthralled! Love them! Susan M
DeleteAnd honestly, "beautiful" is as definitive and helpful as the word "nice". It means something different to everyone. There are so many types of beauty, aren't there?
DeleteYep. Those woodpeckers are thrilling to me when I see them.
can't comment on the beauty of women's bodies and outward *expectations* now....but am pondering....as requested😝 you will have a VERY busy birthday/cooking/social week with all those Birthdays! And...I haven't had those heinz sauce/grape jelly meatballs in about 10 years....but they are to die for, truly. never thought anything with those ingredients could taste THAT good! And....your blog and comments are always healing and eye opening....and growth experiences (for me)
ReplyDeleteSusan M
One time I made vegetarian meatballs with that recipe for a party and I should have made about four dozen more. You could probably put plain tofu chunks in that sauce and people would eat it.
DeleteThank you for pondering, Susan.
When I was soooo much younger, taller, prettier, I was 36-26-36! I was 5'9.5", 130 lbs., a mother to 2 boys and a hysterectomy at 24!
ReplyDeleteMarriage, too much prime rib and good bourbon took care of that! Now, I can't lose the weight and he is married to a skinny gal with big eyes and he has had triple bypass surgery because of too much of the same! SMH LOL I have no sympathy for him ... he left me because I weighed more then him!
TMI ... sorry!!
No. That is not TMI. That is the way it goes sometimes. More often than it should. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteOh those meatballs! The recipe sounded ludicrous but they were the first to go at any event.
ReplyDeleteI had a girl crush on Jean Shrimpton. Seventeen Magazine was what i aspired to but i was chubby. The girls nowadays have impossible photoshopped idols and surgically enhanced billion dollars babies to make them feel inferior. The game has always been rigged.
Carol
I always wonder what those surgically enhanced babies will think when they are 90.
DeleteCarol- you're right. The game is rigged and always has been. No matter what the style, women will punish themselves with garments (from girdles to Spanx) and diets and insane exercise and expensive and often dangerous surgery to achieve it.
DeleteBut wait- what are surgically enhanced babies?
Meant to be women, sorry.
Deletemy mother was flat chested like me and so when 'boob enhancement' first became available in the mid 60s, developed for reconstruction for women who had to have them removed because of cancer, she marched herself down and got her a pair of humongous boobs though she would tell you that she only got the 'small' size. I was 15. back then they put a huge x shaped bandage over them until it all healed. this was in the summer and she would still wear her bathing suit which did nothing to hide it all. all the teenage boys snickered. anyway, you asked what they would think when they got old. well, my mother got old and they never sagged like real boobs would have, still big and round but they slowly sank down to about the bottom of her ribs. it may be different now. my sister who was also flat chested eventually succumbed and got implants as did one of her daughters.
DeleteI made those exact grape-jelly-chili-sauce meatballs for my book club get together last night and all the ladies practically INHALED them and there were hardly any left even though I made a big crock pot full. They are delicious and super easy.
ReplyDeleteBody image? I struggle so much with it and remember counting calories and dieting when I was eight and nine years old. That is so fucked up, isn't it?
I love that you make those meatballs too, Jennifer! And god yes- could anything be easier to make? Or more tasty? NO!
DeleteWhen I was in high school, I started counting calories. Eight or nine is incredibly young and yes, fucked up. I can remember listing the number of calories in every stick of gum I chose.
Mary, this is a hard conversation for me to enter cloaked in shame as it is as it always was in my family of origin. I felt like such a freak my entire life because my breasts were so large, even as an adult until I got my breast reduction surgery when I was already 42 years old. No matter how much weight I lost my breasts were still very very large. Did it make a difference to get the breast reduction surgery? Absolutely. Was I able to remove my family. of origin? Oh hell yes recommended! Thinking all this through with you you’re so brave. Rebecca
ReplyDeleteBreast reduction and family removal! Woman- you did it right!
DeleteYOU are the brave one, dearest Rebecca.
When my sister and I wove clothing and sold it at art fairs, I set size small at 12. Women loved it. "The only booth where I wear a size small." Why did I do that? Marilyn Monroe wore size 12. All those movie stars the GI's were in love with were at least a size 12. It was a real person size.
ReplyDeleteI think though, that a size 12 in Marilyn's day was a lot smaller than what we label as size 12. Check this out: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/fashion-beauty/a556302/chart-shows-shocking-change-in-clothing-sizes/
DeleteClothing manufacturers are as savvy as you were in labeling.
I hadn't read yesterday's post - not sure how I missed, so just went back to read the blog and the comments.
ReplyDeleteUntil I was a young teenager, I had no body issues that I can recall. I did, once, remove my t-shirt at school (Grade 2?) when it was really hot because we ran around topless at home as young kids, and I remember being teased for that for a bit.
My body issues became a real problem when I started to develop breasts. Would that I could have had "only a mouthful" but instead I was blessed/cursed with my paternal aunties melons, which are now watermelons. By the time I was 13, they were attracting far too much attention and I was far too young to understand why or how to deal with the attention. It has take many years to come to realize it messed me up for a long time and only since I reached my 40's and 50's, did I come to terms with that period of my life.
Good luck to Mr. Moon with his rock garden. That looks like heavy work to me!
You've reminded me of a few weeks ago when I got August and Levon and school and brought them home and Levon immediately stripped off his shirt. I said, "I wish I could do that. I am so hot!" And he said, "Why don't you?"
DeleteIt's not fair, is it?
On a more serious note, I have been thinking about girls who develop young and how grown men then start to look at them. It's like the men have this idea that a girl's maturity is connected to her breast size. It's so gross and disgusting and as you said- a girl that age has no idea how to handle that sort of attention nor should she have to. I've heard the phrase, "But she had a woman's body." No. No she didn't. If she was a girl, she had a girl's body, no matter what it looked like. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know there must have been so much trauma connected with that.
Mr. Moon's rock gardening IS indeed heavy work.
I was very skinny and my boobs were more like pimples, that 'mouthful' if that, a charter member of the itty bitty titty committee. I got teased plenty for being so flat chested and I would have loved some of that boob attention from boys. until I grew up anyway and found that there were plenty of boys that weren't obsessed with boob size. now at 73 after putting on about 25 pounds my boobs are the biggest they've ever been, a handful as long as your hands aren't very big. one of the perks of very small boobs is that I have never had to wear a bra.
DeleteMy grands (now adults) always wanted my meatballs when we got together for Christmas Eve. I used the grape jelly/chili sauce recipe, then one year added some sweet ‘n sour sauce and a little ginger….and the crowd went wild! It became MawMaw’s Balls.
ReplyDelete"MawMaw's Balls!" Yes! I love that!
DeleteI remember my aunt swinging these heavy dam things like bowling pins and reciting that little ditty. Unlike her flat chested sisters, she had huge bozooms! This was in the late 50s.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say about that is GAWD. Well, sounds like she was proud of her bozooms!
DeleteI think the most beautiful woman ever is Queen Latifa! Big, marvellous, proud.
ReplyDeleteBody issues are so fraught I hesitate to say much, since I've always been a kind of medium person, height, weight, looks, just acceptable in a way.
I loved my big curly bushy hair and was indignant when people tried to bully me into straightening it, in the 70s when straight was a requirement or something. They didn't get to me.
You're right- Queen Latifa is a goddess. So are the Williams sisters.
DeleteIt is a sort of blessing that you had a body that did not cause you anguish. And I'm proud of you for not straightening your hair! Good for you! You've always known your own mind, haven't you?
The pot of balls and weiners is completely appropriate. Any party food is appropriate.
ReplyDeleteI agree that bodies of any size are beautiful and amazing but here in my hot sun skin cancer country I don't think I would expose as much skin as Serena Williams. Not even as a teenager although I did wear bikinis then.
Serena has a lot more melatonin in her skin to protect from skin cancer than us pasty white sorts.
DeleteIronically, the only time I've ever felt beautiful in a bikini was when I was pregnant. And Debby's right- Serena is somewhat protected from the sun and I bet she was wearing sunscreen too.
DeleteI think melatonin protects from sunburn, not from skin cancer, I shall have to look that up. I'm happy to say that I am not one of the pasty-white brigade. I have light olive skin that tans easily.
DeleteSomething that I was thinking about after your last post is that the work our parents begin in building our self confidence and feelings of worth is continued by the world. The cosmetic industry will tell us how to fix ourselves, various weigh loss agencies want us to fix ourselves, even other people will judge, and I hate to say it, women are pretty damn good at cutting each other down. I remember once listening to a sister in law talk about someone, and laughing because they were U.G.L.Y. (as if spelling the word somehow made it not as bad.) And I remember being shocked about that, that a 30 year old woman would be looking at another woman and judging her like a mean girl in high school. Pretty is an adjective. What makes that particular adjective any more important than say, smart. Or fun. Or nice. or loyal, or any other adjective you can think of. At what point do we begin looking at each other without condescension? And I don't have all these wonderings because I am a plain woman of a certain age. I really do think that people need to be nicer to each other.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right Debby. And I overheard a conversation in the post office a few days ago that I've been meaning to write about that involved one woman criticizing another.
DeleteI remember my mother used a saying which was, "Ugly as homemade sin." I don't recall what she used it to describe but I think a few times it may have been directed at a woman.
But men are no slouches at making it clear what they think about a woman's looks. I guess we're so obsessed with looks because that is what you see and it's so much easier than getting to actually know someone and finding out how beautiful they truly are in so many other ways.
I'll add a male perspective here -- albeit a gay male perspective. I wasn't too conscious of body image growing up, because the cultural emphasis wasn't there for boys when I was young. I had a few friends who lifted weights sort of casually, but no one went to the gym the way they do these days. I think boys now face almost (but not quite) as much pressure as girls when it comes to their bodies.
ReplyDeleteI was never overweight as a kid but I also wasn't particularly fit, not being very athletic. Soon after college I went vegetarian and started bicycling and got lots of compliments on my newly slender physique, so much so that I took it to an extreme and flirted with an eating disorder. Fortunately it didn't go too far and the Peace Corps saved me by giving me new challenges to focus on rather than fitness and eating.
I've been lucky in the body department, overall, but I'm glad I grew up when I did and didn't feel the relentless push for physical perfection that many young people feel nowadays.
I think that more and more men are suffering from disorderly eating these days. I am so glad that you didn't get to a serious point with it yourself. I guess the Peace Corp would definitely be one way to nip that in the bud.
DeleteI know that there is a great deal of pressure on gay men, just as there is on women, to achieve a sort of idealized body image. I wonder if it's because the people they are looking to please with how their bodies look are men, albeit other gay men, who may be just as judgmental and picky as straight men are about a woman's looks. Is this a reasonable observation, do you think?
I think so. A lot of gay men are definitely fixated on appearance and physical beauty. But I think even straight guys now feel more pressure to be attractive. Our culture continues to expand objectification at the same time that we're becoming aware of how dangerous it is!
DeleteBoobs! Oh, I was always unhappy with the size of my boobs when I was young as I was so flat. My uncle would say that rhyme to my cousin and me when we had family get-togethers. Ugh! Now, after breastfeeding 5 children, my boobs are bigger but so saggy! I am never happy with them!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that I don't have to worry about my looks anymore. No one is looking at me so I can wear what I want and look how I want to look.
Your uncle should have been shot. So damn inappropriate and cruel. But men have always, it seems to me, felt the right to judge and comment on women's bodies. They probably don't get away with it as much as they used to but hell- look at Trump. He has said so many ugly things about women's looks and his minions adore him.
DeleteMy best friend's (Jr. High) father once looked at me and said, "Kandy, your friend and her boobs are here!" I must have been 13, my new boobs hurt like hell and I was extremely self-conscious. His comment horrified me.
DeleteWeiners and balls seems like the perfect meal for a teenage boy:)
ReplyDeleteI imagine there have always been issues with bodies, although these issues are much more pronounced now. We are all different, built differently because of genes, race and the environment. Advertisers prey upon our vulnerabilities because they want our money, not because they want us to look better. In the long run, if we're lucky enough to get old, all people look the same, male, female, rich and poor. Age is the great equalizer:)
Age should be the great equalizer but with older models who look like the ones I posted, it is obviously not always true. And I am sure those women's hair is not real and that they've had "procedures" galore. The cosmetic industry from make-up to surgery does indeed prey on our vulnerabilities. And incredibly successfully, too.
DeleteIn our Family the Young Women, including myself, had the opposite problem of being considered too Skinny by Society and the Idealistic version of what a Girl or Woman should look like. People seemed not to think it rude at all to say the most offensive things to a Thin person that they would at least have known was inappropriate to stay to an Overweight one out loud or loudly in Public. I still remember being at a Bowling Alley as a 20-something Young Adult, a complete Stranger came up with his group of Friends and just put his Hands around my Waist and said, "Boy are you Skinny!!!" Before Kiddos I weighed 93-98 lbs. and ate Healthy, my Mom was nicknamed Olive Oyl, The Daughter is still Skinny after having had 5 Kiddos, and Princess T the Grandchild I'm raising is very thin. My Dad was Thin his whole life, so I thin Genetics may also play a part in how many of us turn out regardless of our relationship with Food? After a Hysterectomy I gained 60 lbs. and have now struggled with being Overweight... so, I was pondering which is more Body Shamed by Society? I came to the conclusion that it depends on Culture a LOT, we've been to Countries where the Ideal is different than here in America and different attributes are celebrated or are just not so superficial as how you Weigh at all.
ReplyDeletethat boho style for women over 50...oh please. who wears that shit? uber rich women who don't have anything to do but play bridge or mahjong all day or lunch at high end restaurants or stroll through expensive stores?
ReplyDeleteoh yes, gym class in middle school. we had one gym teacher and I think now in retrospect that she might have been gay but anyway, she loved having us girls do that 'exercise' when we were all outside and the boys could see us. she got a big kick out of our embarrassment.
I wear boho at 66 years old. But then again, I was a California hippie for most of my life.
Delete