Thursday, September 14, 2023

A Lot

I got a call this morning from a friend who is way up north, being with his brother who is in his last days. My friend, we shall call him J., has been holding his hand, singing him Beatles' songs and talking to him, even though he is not responsive. He is in hospice care and is not eating and is drinking very little. They are keeping him comfortable.

I'm not sure why J. called me. We are not close. I think he sees me as a motherly type who would never judge him for being gay. I can't remember how we met but I think my reputation as being Hank's mom preceded my actual introduction into his life. Hank is sort of a hometown hero and celebrity because of his early coming-out, back in high school, the first openly queer kid who'd ever attended that school. Also, Hank is just very cool and quite beloved.

Anyway, J. knows he can talk to me about shit- any shit- and I'm going to do my best to understand and to tell him that he is loved, that he is doing a beautiful thing. 

He was able to make the trip to be with his brother because of a program called "Give a Mile."
I'd never heard of this organization nor had J. but his boyfriend found it online. They are dedicated to helping people get flights to see their distant loved ones who are dying. Check out that link. And according to J., within the matter of a few days of his applying to qualify, he was indeed on a plane, headed to be with his brother. They made arrangements to help him schedule and have a wheelchair at each airport he flew into. J. has had health problems for years, one of them being diabetes which has claimed one of his feet. So this was not an easy thing for him. I am so glad that this organization exists, that J.'s boyfriend found it, that J. qualified. 

What a beautiful, beautiful program. 

So I mostly listened to J. and told him I understood so much of what he was going through, has gone through, with family, with pain, and now with this holy and hard work and gift of being with his brother when he dies. 
I feel honored. He was so very close to his mother, J. was, and she died a few years ago and he misses her. It's funny that he has another extremely maternal friend whom I have known since Hank was a baby and I have no idea how she and J. met and formed a friendship but here we are. I am sure he has called her too. 

Yesterday when I was talking to May, she mentioned how coworkers come to her with their problems and I told her that this is how it is for people like us. We are motherly and non-judgemental. It's amazing how so many people just want someone to listen to them, to tell them that they are good people, that they deserve to be loved. 
Such a simple thing. Although, in real life it can sometimes become complicated, especially when it comes to boundaries. But in situations like the one I had today with J., that just isn't really part of it, is it? 

It's been a productive day for me and it's not over yet. I took a walk, and it was fine. Quite warm but not hot-like-the-breath-of-Satan hot. 

For months now I've been looking out the back door of the laundry room to see a whole patch of those damn glory bower plants. The ones that have beautiful blooms, stink like hell, and reproduce like, well, Satan's spawn. 


They're not that hard to pull but like the crocosmia, their root system is never entirely eliminated and they do come back. Still, every day for months I've looked out there and seen those devil plants and thought, "Oh god, Mary. Get rid of them NOW." 
But it's been so hot and any energy I've had to work outside has been mostly spent in the garden. Today, however, I decided to pull those fuckers which I did, and I also picked up sticks and limbs and branches and pulled more of the glory bower and other invasives in the old kitchen garden and in the camellia bed. I got nowhere near done getting it all in order but it was a start. 
Because you cannot just leave these invasive plants in a heap to rot because they will take root and spread all over that area too, I put them on the burn pile to dry up a little so that we can incinerate them. 
Would you look at the size of this thing?


That is going to be a serious fire.

I roasted peanuts for my sweetie who was mowing and picking up sticks all over the yard as he went. I did laundry. And then, I felt compelled to tackle the cabinet under the sink. 


And I did. I threw away a bunch of stuff and I cleaned the cabinet and I put down some of Ree Drummond's fancy liner in place of the ancient newspaper that had been there. 


It is not perfect but it is better. And more cheerful! Thanks, Pioneer Lady!

We're having fish again tonight and I've had a very small head of cabbage in the refrigerator for days and decided that coleslaw would be good to go with the fish and so I've made that. I got out the grating blades for the food processor and they make the job so fast and easy that I did the whole head of cabbage and a good amount of carrots and some onion and now I have a bowl of the stuff that would be big enough to be appropriate to take to a covered dish dinner. 
Sigh. 
I really miss having chickens and one of the reasons is that they would always eat the dregs of things like coleslaw that we just could not finish. 

And that is that for today. I better get in that kitchen. Coleslaw does not a fish dinner make. 

Oh! I read a review of the Stones' new album, Hackney Diamonds, in the NYT's today and the critic loved it. LOVED IT!
One of the quotes was this:

"The result is “Hackney Diamonds,” a loud, cantankerous, unrepentant collection of new songs from a band that refuses to mellow with age."

And here's the final paragraph of the review:

"But then there’s an epilogue: a Jagger-Richards duet on the Muddy Waters blues that gave the band its name: “Rolling Stone Blues.” It’s just Jagger’s voice and harmonica and Richards’s guitar, unadorned in real time, circling back to the love of the blues that brought them together as teenagers. It could be a career postscript or a reaffirmation.

“There were six takes total,” Watt said. “The one that made the record is take four. And as they went through each take, they moved closer and closer together. Closer and closer.”


Makes me want to cry.

And oh, yeah- they're going to tour after its release. 


The old boys. 


Time to cook! 


Love...Ms. Moon









30 comments:

  1. Yes, you are the kind if person who listens, doesn't jump in, doesn't turn it back to yourself. I can see why J called you.

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    1. I just hope that I gave him a little comfort.

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  2. Actually, cole slaw does make a fantastic fish dinner and throw in some French or steak fries to go with and you do have supper! Yum!!

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    1. That would have been a fine dinner but NO! I had to make about four other things. Why do I do this?

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    2. I do not know, Ms. Mary! You are an enigma!!!

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    3. I think I mostly just really love to cook. And eat.

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  3. I read that review, too. It was fine.
    Yes, that's a burn pile. What's the plan for keeping it under control?

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    1. Glen standing there with a hose, I imagine. Sigh.

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  4. well, being open and non judgemental is such an asset to a friendship. Glad you are there for your friend J........ he needed you....and needs you. Bless your heart for being the friend he needs now. Clean cabinets are nice.......but your most important role was of nurturer/carer..........that is what you are SO good at. I lift my glass to you
    Susan M

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    1. I used to be a major hands-on carer. I mean, I took care of so many people. Some of that was co-dependence, some was simply the fact that people I loved needed real help.
      I do not do that anymore. I'm glad I did, but now I just can't.

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  5. You exude kindness and compassion. No wonder people gravitate towards you.
    That burn pile will be visible from the moon.

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    1. Haha! You made me laugh, Ms. Merlot. You are probably right.

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  6. How funny. While my spaghetti sauce was saucing, I cleaned out the cabinets in the bathroom, washed everything down and organized it and threw a bunch of stuff away, and gathered up even more to donate to the 50 cent store, a local thrift store where everything is (you guessed it!) 50 cents.

    And PS. I think the world could use a lot more motherly mother type people.

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    1. Oh my, Debby! You really never do stop! You're amazing. Truly.
      And yes, the world could certainly use a few more folks whom people can go to for comfort when they truly need it. And we all need it at one time or another.

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  7. I'm so glad you are there for the people who need you.

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    1. I am really not that good at it anymore. I used to be better.

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  8. I feel so sorry for J but I understand. How is Magnolia June since the rodent incident??

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  9. What a fantastic organization that is. I'm so glad your friend got help from them in order to be with his brother in his last days!

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    1. Isn't that just an amazing program? Who thought of that? And we know that they do what they say they do because J. was with his brother less than a week after he applied. Amazing.

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  10. I wonder if Ree Drummond (I never knew that was her name!) even LOOKED at the pattern for that shelf paper. Or does she just license her name out to some company that manufactures it? It does make the cabinet look more colorful and cheerful, that's true!

    I bet I could grow glory bower here, in this northern clime, and it wouldn't go nuts. Like the crocosmia! In fact I'd probably have to coddle it and bring it inside for the winter.

    It's great that J has you to talk to and what an amazing organization! I've never heard of it before.

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    1. Yeah, I can't see Ms. Drummond sitting down at night with pastels and paper to create her drawer liner patterns. Or her cookware patterns. But yes- it makes me happy when I open that cabinet now.
      The Gee Dee glory bower dies back in the winter even here so I doubt you'd have to overwinter it inside. Probably would not know the difference.
      Isn't that a beautiful organization? How very, very compassionate it is.

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  11. I'm glad you are there for J as he goes through this sad time with his brother. I'm glad he is able to be with him and that he has people like you to reach out to for support.
    I'm worried about that burn pile! How will you keep it from scorching the trees and those vehicles?! I'm sure Mr. Moon knows, tho.

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    1. I hope that I helped J. just a little bit, at least. Someone to listen, to say, yes, you are doing the right thing.
      Glen always manages to keep those fires from getting out of control. He stands there with a running hose.

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  12. I saw some absorbent mats for the bottom of the drawers in the refrigerator at the grocery store but I did not buy them...yet. right now I'm using old kitchen towels.

    your burn pile is as big as mine though I think mine is wider but just as tall. and still the yard is full of branches I haven't picked up. burn ban here though.

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    1. Those mats would be a good idea. Things in my refrigerator get tumped over regularly. Kitchen towels work too.
      We're waiting for some of this stuff on our pile to dry out a little bit. But yes- I would imagine that you're definitely under a no burn order there.

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  13. Oh how I wished we could burn things when we lived in the mountains and had such messes all the time. But the only time you could burn was when there was at least five inches of snow on the ground and you were way away from overhanging trees.
    I got both of my children a thing-a-ma-gig that goes under the sink and makes a shelf to make room for more things and makes the things that are there easier to find. On Amazon, I think. They both love it!

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    1. Wow! That's an awesome idea! I should look into that.
      I'd never heard of a burn ban unless there was snow on the ground! Obviously, that will never happen here!

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    2. We in NJ have been permanently banned from burning outdoors, for many years now. It's about air quality. Like my little annual bonfire would change the earth's magnetic polarity..

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  14. That is a wonderful Program. If the Brother isn't eating or drinking it's close to the End, when my Dad was in Hospice they explained that part of the Dying Process to us, the Body knows it's shutting down and it's job is done. The Hospice Programs are wonderful too, I was so Grateful for them. Listening and giving people our full Attention and knowing they are Heard is a Gift, a Rare one unfortunately these days.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.