Today has been a bit of a tough one for me. This morning's dream had dragged on and on and it was the worst sort of dream. I had lost my child. In this case, Jessie. In the dream she was still just a very young child, maybe two or three, and tiny, as she was in real life until her genes took over and she turned into the tall, beautiful woman she is now. The child weighed twenty-seven pounds for a year, I swear, which meant that I could carry her in a sling for a long, long time and I did.
In the dream we were in a huge mall or building. Many stores, and there were hiking trails and waterfalls too. Parts of this behemoth structure have been in my dreams before but I don't think I'd ever lost a child in any of those. It was one of those situations where I turned my back and she was gone and I had to climb and pull myself up cliffs and go from space to place calling her name, panicking and begging for help. Finally, I did find her and I held her and would not let her go.
Just writing this, all these hours later, brings tears to my eyes. Isn't losing a child every mother's worst nightmare? And haven't we all lost a child for at least a moment or two? I guess it is such a visceral thing that even when children are grown and parents themselves, that fear is tattooed to our bones.
I just couldn't make myself do anything this morning, so I sat and worked on the current jigsaw puzzle I've been doing and waited for Mr. Moon to finish mowing because he had asked me to go to the coast with him for lunch. He needed to pick up a boat at a marina where he'd gotten some work done on it and I decided that I would go and I did and I was okay, mostly quiet but fine, really. I asked him on the way if the restaurant at St. Mark's was even open on Monday and he told me that he'd called and yes, they were. We were hungry by the time we got there so we ate our lunch first at a place on the river which is really quite beautiful. The structure over the open-to-the air dining area is a huge palapa, the kind built in Mexico, and it was gorgeous.
We sat overlooking a little piece of the river and a dock and the grackles amused us as we ate. There was a male who was trying his best to woo a lady.
There are not open on Mondays!
We had to laugh and as he put the truck in reverse he said, "I guess I'll be eating fried shrimp again soon." And we laughed some more.
St. Mark's is a tiny town not so far from here, near the coast. You can put into the river there and boat down to the Gulf which we have done before.
And that made him laugh.
Well, except for the bamboo and croscomia, etc.
I had planned on doing more mulberry picking and jam making today but obviously did neither. I did check on the berry status.
Well, whatever gets you through the night.
It's all right. It's all right.
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Spring brings it's own fresh beautiful for us. Glad you had a bit of a day out with Mr Moon.ReplyDelete
Me too! It was good for me.Delete
those sugar snap peas will be heaven! Sounds like good day once you were able to slough off that unpleasant dream and enjoy the *adventure* with Mr Moon! Grackles are rare here.....I've only seen 2 in the last 20 years but they are interesting birds, very rare here. Did you make the 2nd batch of mulberry jam and did it *set*? Curious........ReplyDelete
Made more jam today. And no, I do not think it will set. Dammit. I am too timid with the pectin, I believe.Delete
Great day out. Maybe it healed the upset from the dream. That kind of dream is familiar to me. Very funny that Mr m overlooked the possibility that the marina would be closed, even when surprisingly the restaurant was open!ReplyDelete
Well, he knew that the marina was closed at least part of the day on Saturday and figured that they were also closed Sunday and so why wouldn't they be open on Monday?Delete
"Because they don't have to be," I suggested. He agreed this was true.
My sweetie and i have been vacationing at fish camps for years. Lots of them tucked away down lonely dirt roads up here in the Canadian woods. We just like to get away from the rat race and throw hooks in the lake or river.ReplyDelete
I think that staying at fish camps sounds like a pretty delightful thing to do. They have such a nostalgic draw to them. I looked at the little general store and wondered what it would be like if we stayed at that camp and I went into the store every day for ice or coffee or whatever. It would be like becoming part of a little community.Delete
How lovely. You get to go out for lunch again, soon. Thank goodness Mr Moon has a bright sunny outlook. I know many men would have chucked a massive tanty at finding the boat place closed.ReplyDelete
Glen is a pretty even-tempered guy. I honestly cannot recall him every getting crazy angry. It's just not how he operates and now that I think about it- I may have taken this trait of his for granted, having become so used to it over the years. He has never made me feel afraid with anger.Delete
I would love to see that fishing village. I wouldn't mind a plate of fried shrimp either.ReplyDelete
I kept thinking I should take pictures but I just didn't have the motivation. It was one of those very low-energy days.Delete
I've definitely had the lost child dreams, although thankfully never actually lost one. Years ago when I was with my sister in Copenhagen, we went shopping and her three year old disappeared in the blink of an eye. She ran out of the shop (leaving me with the baby) and could either go left or right. She chose right and luckily that was the way he went too. I don't think I've ever been more frightened in my life! And reading the horrific Jamie Bulger story is the only time I've ever had a panic attack. It can all happen so quick, can't it!ReplyDelete
Oh god. Isn't it the worst? You truly can turn your back for one second and they're gone. I am so glad that your sister found her boy.Delete
Isn't it weird how our brains revisit imaginary structures in dreams? I've had multiple dreams about an apartment/condo that never existed in real life. No idea where in my mind that comes from! I can only imagine how scary it would be to lose a child.ReplyDelete
Your excursion to St. Marks sounds fun. Bummer the marina was closed, though. That IS an impressive canopy!
My brain just does love to create huge houses that morph into malls or something mall-like. Sometimes they are more like cruise liner ships which are huge, of course. It's crazy.Delete
I told Glen that there was no doubt in my mind that a crew from Mexico had built that structure in St. Mark's. I bet you that thing would withstand a hurricane.
Once my toddler was briefly lost in a supermarket and since then I often dream of not finding her again.ReplyDelete
A community of golf carts sounds like a zombie movie script.
Supermarkets are indeed where we are most likely to temporarily lose a child. I can remember losing my mother in one!Delete
Actually, I only saw one golf cart in St. Mark's and it was parked and had what looked like road-work equipment in it. Apalachicola has many, many golf carts. A lot of them are decorated with...American Flags! Because of course. And there is usually at least one dog riding along with the driver.
I love jigsaw puzzles so it's a good thing I don't have one out because it would be all I would do all day.ReplyDelete
I've been chasing off grackles for weeks. Usually just two or three but then they invited all their friends to dine at the bird feeder. No, no, no! I'm not feeding grackles.
We don't get many grackles here in the yard. I think they're all down at the coast, eating leftovers from seafood platters.Delete
I've started spending time every evening after dinner working on jigsaw puzzles.
Sounds like a very pleasant day out with Mr. Moon. You are lucky that you can still make each other laugh!ReplyDelete
I think we laugh together more now than we ever have.Delete