It's been a little iffy today. I started out feeling pretty good except for lingering anxiety. I can't seem to shake it and everything seems so monumental to me, even the simplest of things.
Oh god how I wish I could logic my way out of this shit. But as I discovered a long time ago, the brain is what the brain is fighting and that does no good whatsoever. It's a no-win situation.
And then I figured that eating some pizza for lunch would be okay and turns out it wasn't. We were rushing to get out of the house to go pick up August and take him to gymnastics where we would meet up with Levon who had gone home from school with a buddy who also goes to that class and his mama was bringing our boy. I had no decent leftovers and there was a pizza in the freezer and well...
It was so precious to see August. Boppy "owed" him some ice cream because he'd taken Levon to get some a few months ago so we gave August the choice of going to an ice cream place for a cone OR to go to a convenience store and get an ice cream bar or ice cream sandwich or something of that ilk. He chose the convenience store. Good call! He got some sort of strawberry and graham cracker ice cream sandwich, picking it out immediately, and he loved it.
And then we went to gymnastics but we were very early so we explored a little holding pond and field behind the building. I can remember when an old man plowed those acres with a mule. I am not making this up. There are lovely little cypress trees growing up around the pond.
I agree. That cat is not going to make its way into this house with Jack and Maurice guarding the cat door with their malicious intensity.
But if I did name it, I think I would call it "Sheba."
Sheba is a good choice; my choice was Dahlia!ReplyDelete
Like Black Dahlia?Delete
Glad you're feeling a 'little' better. One day at a time, indeed. Is that a girl kittie? I always wanted a cat called 'Celeste'. We now have Eddie and Eddie ain't no Celeste...unless he's hiding something from us?? Feel better and enjoy those Florida, sunny days. I'm sure the heat will be cracking up down there soon. Hell, it was 80 in Ohio today. I fear that may be 'hint' of what's coming this summer. Feel fetter.ReplyDelete
I don't know if Black Kitty is male or female. It won't let me get close enough to find out. I have a female cat named Maurice. When she showed up, I assumed she was male because orange tabbies usually are. Haha! She's not.Delete
Getting up into the eighties here too. But so far, it's not intolerable.
So happy your world is looking up!ReplyDelete
I hope it is.Delete
Bit by bit, doing better.ReplyDelete
I'm trying to believe that.Delete
well....whatever is going on with your insides.......don't think pizza was a good idea....but you know this already. BRAT diet, you *know* it. Well.....with modifications, of course! Glad you saw the boys...... and keep at your calming..... Black cat.....may just be happy with food and water......and ease it's way into your life....outside only. Hugs to youReplyDelete
Yeah, I think the BRAT diet has been somewhat discounted these days. But I'm eating smaller amounts of whatever I eat and that seems to help.Delete
I can't foresee Black Kitty ever making herself at home in the house. She is very, very wary of us.
Thank you for the hugs!
You went through a lot of trauma as a child. Your body remembers that and acts accordingly. It's not your fault and you don't have to apologize, ever. What happened to you should never happen to anyone, and especially not a child. When have you felt safe?ReplyDelete
I was scrolling through Instagram today and came upon something about people who grow up abused or neglected, having exit strategies in the back of our head for a job, relationship or a living relationship. "We find security in the fantasy-or possibility- of escaping and disappearing at a moment's notice." I recognized myself and I didn't know that other people feel like this too, which made me cry. I always think about leaving, my husband, my job, my family, my life, even when things are good. I make sure I have enough money and clothes to be independent, apparently clothes are an issue for me (not sure why). Anyway, my point, and I do have one, is that you are not alone, you are not the only person to feel as you do. I don't feel that way, but there are many other people in the world who react just the same way as you do.
In fact, I have a friend in Australia who was raped when she was three years old and you two have a lot of similarities.
I'm sorry you're suffering Mary, but you're not alone. You are loved.
Pixie- reading this makes me cry. I guess it's struck a chord in me as it did with you.Delete
As to your friend in Australia, I remember when I went to a sexual abuse survivors' group for quite some time, it was shocking to me how we all shared so many traits and coping methods. Not all the same, of course, but so many similarities.
I know I am not alone and I am so grateful to be loved.
Ah, Sheba. Good call (for a cat who won't be named, of course)!ReplyDelete
I once knew a dog called Sheba...it was a German shepherd ( alsatian) so doesn't seem like a cat name to me! Glad that you are feeling a bit better.ReplyDelete
That's funny. I can see how you would feel that way.Delete
Sheba is a lovely name for a cat.ReplyDelete
I am sure that the cat could not care less.Delete
ha ha ha. that cat will be in the house before you know it.ReplyDelete
Not if Maurice and Jack have anything to say about it.Delete
Hope you continue to feel better each day, Mary.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Ellen.Delete
I'm glad you are doing better- health is a worrying issue.Enjoy your days! My long departed black cat was called Magnolia- a beautiful,gentle soul. -Wendy SAReplyDelete
I had a black cat I named Gardenia. I loved that cat.Delete
Well, I think you've named it. :)ReplyDelete
Yes, but that's meaningless. Right?Delete