Letting Go Of Perceptions, Learning Forbearance

I seem to have a routine now. I get up in the morning, pee, feel an ache in my side, and I know it has begun. I have enough time to drink a bunch of water, maybe a cup of coffee too (life goes on, you know), read a blog or two, and then things ramp up, I get completely dry-mouthed and then I begin to walk around the yard. I have no idea if this stomp-walking works and I don't really stomp, I just walk HARD, and eventually, the pain stops and in a little while I pee out something smaller than a grain of salt and I feel as if my work for the day has been done. I am still straining my pee although I do not know why except to validate the fact that there is still grit that I'm passing. I am not sure why this happens regularly in the morning but I'm guessing because I'm just lying there at night and when I get up, things get moving. 
But really- who knows? Not me.

I have to say that the weather has been gorgeous for this daily activity. I took the picture up top there because it was so beautiful that despite my fierce concentration on breathing and walking, I was not unaware of what the new green leaves of that old, old oak tree looked like against that blue sky. 
I was thinking of Ross, of course. 

There was a new feature in today's walk. Well, two. One was that the guys that mow the yard across the street pulled up their truck and trailer on the sidewalk and strip of land in front of our house and as I walked towards that part of the yard, I knew that they probably thought I was going to complain so I paused and said, "Hey! No problem! I have a kidney stone and I'm just trying to walk it off." 
No need to say anything about grit, right?
The older guy looked at me in a puzzled fashion and said, "Okay. Well, have a blessed day."
"Thanks," I said, and stomped off around the house. 
I must be a sight. 

The other thing that was different today is that instead of popping a Toradol when the pain started getting bad, I just took two Ibuprofen. I've been taking one Toradol for the pain but it seemed to me that after the pain had passed I was having to deal with the exhaustion and weird-headedness of the drug for the rest of the day. However, what I discovered today is that no, the exhaustion and muddled mind were not a side effect of the drug but of the pain experience itself. This is becoming almost interesting. Well, it IS interesting but definitely not in a good way. 

This has to end eventually, right? All things must pass, as George Harrison so eloquently reminded us all those years ago. Even kidney stones and their lithotripsed grit. 

I didn't have the energy today that I had yesterday. I honestly thought that I'd get out and weed a little today. But I just did not have it in me. So I puttered about, doing a little potting of plants I'd rooted and watering the front porch plants and some other potted plants, cleaning out Sheba's water bowl, laundry (yes, again), and I made a recipe I'd seen in the NYT's cooking app that caught my attention. I'm not convinced it's going to be great but I felt compelled to make it. 

It's a lemon-coconut snacking cake which makes me laugh. What the hell is a snacking cake? Does this imply that there are entree cakes? Side dish cakes? Serious REAL dessert cakes? 

Whatever. I hope it's good. I sure did grate a lot of lemon zest. Mr. Moon loves coconut and even though the combination of lemon and coconut is not one that I'm really familiar with, it might be good. 

I hope so. 

Mostly what I've done today is just be thankful beyond anything that it's been so pretty and so relatively cool and taking in all that I can of what nature is offering up so gloriously right now in my own yard. 

Here's another picture I took later in the day of the pecan trees' new leaves along with some other sister-trees. 

Brand new green petticoats for all of them! And oh, how they love to show them off. Wouldn't you? I would. 

Mr. Moon's been over at Tom's again, working on my folding table. I think he's getting close to finishing it. No pun intended. I'm sure he will finish it and then it will be finished. 

He is loving doing this so much and I am glad. He is happiest when he has a project and this is something he's always wanted to have time to do. And since Tom's house is only about fifteen minutes away, he is close enough for me to feel comfortable with him being gone. God knows he doesn't need to have to deal with me every second of every day. 

As shitty and awful as this whole kidney stone experience has been, it has once again slowed me down and made me appreciate the beauty and sweetness of the life I live right here on these two acres in this tiny almost-a-village, Lloyd, just as it has allowed me to appreciate my husband even more and I thought that was not possible. He has put his whole life on hold, just to make me feel safe, to be here when I'm having my morning attacks, to hold me, to listen to me, to love me. When he gets into the bed at night where I've probably already been reading for an hour with Jack beside me, I feel as if my heart could not be more at peace. I love to hear his breath slow as he drifts into sleep, to know that he is there beside me. Jack settles down by my hip, knowing that I'm done petting him for the time being, and I, too, begin to fall into dreams. This is when I think that if this isn't heaven, I do not know what heaven is. 

To be at peace, to be at ease, to be without pain, to be with my love. These are the simplest things. 

These are the greatest miracles of all.

Love...Ms. Moon