Monday, January 2, 2023

Nature And Stuff


The weather just cannot make up its mind around here. Was it only a week ago that we had icicles on the garden fence? Today it got up to almost eighty and was humid as hell. It feels like spring and I even saw a bluebird on my walk this morning which always seems like a special blessing, getting a glimpse of what looks like a tiny, concentrated piece of the sky, so intensely blue, so quick, so pretty. 
Meanwhile, the Bradford pears in my backyard have finally and at last turned gold and are dropping off. They've been green as a grass snake up until about yesterday. 
That plant above with its glorious berries is known as pyracantha around here. Isn't it intense? Can you see the small magnolia growing up behind it to the left? 

So yes, I did take a walk today and by the time I got back I was sweaty and unhappy. Mr. Moon had made the mistake of putting on heavy overalls and a flannel shirt to go do some work outside and he had to come in and change. We have no idea how to dress right now. One day we're wearing wool and cashmere, and the next we're barefoot and panting like dogs under a porch. It should start cooling off again by Friday. 

Here's another picture I took on my walk. 


I've taken pictures of this house before. I do not want to go stand in front of it and take a picture straight on because someone lives there. Also they have a little yappy dog who is always on high alert who notifies the world when I deign to even walk by. But I love that house. I so want to go inside of it and see what it looks like, what it smells like. The trees over and around it make me swoon. I wish I knew its history. It sits on a tiny little road named Notre Dame which in and of itself is curious. There are only a few people who live on it and it dead-ends into a piece of property with a prefab house on it which is not very far from the convenience store, Subway, and the liquor store. That part of the road parallels the road that the Dollar General is on. A little hidden part of Lloyd. 

I went to Publix today. I was out of eggs, for one thing. Can you believe that after all these years of having bowls of eggs all over my kitchen, bountiful amounts of them, that suddenly, I have not a one and eggs cost six dollars a dozen! What the hell? We were so spoiled but I will say that I never, ever took those beautiful eggs for granted. Every day that I gathered eggs I was thrilled again at the miracle of them. 
I cannot think that I will go the rest of my life without having chickens again. It's just unimaginable. How I miss their constant presence, their soft communications, their busy scratching and examining of the dirt for the things they loved to eat. 
Anyway, Publix. 
Y'all- I have either got to get out more or else just throw in the towel and admit to being an agoraphobe and I do not want to do that. Shutting myself off from others is not a healthy way to live. This has gone far beyond me not wanting to do things like go to concerts or the mall. Even just being in Publix is overwhelming to me and it wasn't that crowded and there was not one situation or person who made me feel threatened. I cannot quite explain it. I do not even really want to talk about it because it makes me emotional. 
I think that at least a small part of it is that I find it hard to separate myself from those around me in the sense that I am constantly aware of their feelings. I had to pick up a prescription (Publix has a pharmacy) and because of a change in our insurance, things became complicated and people were lined up behind me and I hated being the cause of them having to wait and I hated the thought that the woman behind the counter helping me was stressed out because my situation was taking so much of her time. I apologized over and over. 
When I went to check out, the woman in front of me wrote a check for her groceries and yes, she was older although I doubt older than me. And she first wrote the wrong amount on her check so she had to tear that one up and start again and then she filled in something else incorrectly on the second one and it took a long time. I was not in a hurry but I have to admit that I was a bit annoyed and that fact made me feel bad about myself because who cared how long I had to wait? Not even me. 
And at the same time, I did not want the woman to know that I was annoyed. She was doing her best. 

These are the sorts of things that people who overthink everything and who do not have the necessary wall between themselves and others feel. And then of course we feel guilt and as if we are being ridiculous because we FEEL SO MUCH! 
Too much. 

Oh well. I will be Scarlett O'Hara and think about these things tomorrow when I am stronger. 

Meanwhile, here's what the trees in my backyard looked like tonight before the sun set. 



Can you see the Spanish Moss, Ms. Merlot? 

It is not a moss at all, really. It belongs in the bromeliad family. There is a very good article about it HERE

Be well, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon

42 comments:

  1. That second picture of the small cabin house under the great Floridian trees is a really good one and now I would like to step in there too. Meet the owner of the yappy little dog and observe the items within that speak of the life the resident lives and has lived. Tantalising.

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    1. Mr. Pudding, I would like to see inside that little house too, although I suspect it is more quaint than comfortable!

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    2. I think that Treaders is probably right. I myself have no real desire to meet the resident of the house as there have been Trump signs in front of it. But who knows? The woman used to live in a trailer right down the road. I do know she appears to love to read as she often sits out front with a book.

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  2. The pyra part of that berry name means fire. You can see how the name happened.

    Listen, agoraphobia is an aspect of anxiety. It's nothing to hide, "admit" like a bad deed, or feel wrong about. It's another aspect of the anxiety you feel in many situations. It's not about what exactly worries you. It's your hyperactive nervous system at it. Not a failing, not a character flaw. Just part of your neuro setup.

    I'm sure you know all this, but I felt like saying it again! I deal with it too, in my way. So I have standing! All that said, I wish I could run down there and grab hold of you and hug you.

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    1. I know- you are right. But I always have this false hope that if I understand a situation, I will be able to do overcome some of the difficulties of it.
      The thought of getting a hug from you absolutely cheers me though. How I would love that!

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  3. That first picture is just beautiful. Like strikingly so. And I'd love to live in that little house!!

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    1. I think that's why I want to see inside of it- to know if I would like to live there or not!

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  4. Hello Mary...i wonder what the speck of red is in front of that shanty. A flower or a solo cup. Do the birds eat those berries? I was told once if the birds dont eat them people dont either. Your blue skies are so lovely. In Ohio we are overcast almost all winter. I enjoy your travelogues.

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    1. The red was part of Christmas decorations and you have to give someone credit for decorating when there probably won't be half a dozen people who see them.
      I think the birds do eat pyracantha berries and humans can eat them too. One source said that a jelly made of them tastes like apple jelly.
      I would hate to have to look at gray skies all winter. Do you get SAD?

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  5. Birds love ripe pyracantha berries ... it makes them drunk if the berries have fermented! I believe they are poisonous to humans ... so, no berry pies!
    There has been a huge outbreak of the chicken virus or whatever it is where the poultry farmers have to burn their chickens ... that has put a big dent in the price of eggs! Fewer chickens = fewer eggs!

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    1. No, humans CAN eat pyracantha berries and like I said in my comment above, some say that a jelly made of them tastes like apple jelly. I've never seen birds drunk on pyracantha but I have seen them drunk on fermented palmetto berries. What a great fluttering din they made!
      Yes. I'd heard of the avian flu. What a mess.

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    2. I had to Google this and ... you are so right and I have been under the false belief they are poisonous!

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  6. Mary, I love the bottom two photographs of the (I think) live oak trees. Really wonderful. Trees are notoriously hard to photograph- your brother White

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    1. Thank you, White! That was so sweet of you to comment. Yes, those are the live oaks in the back yard which have split from age and storms so they are not nearly as big as when you were here last. I mourn their eventual passing.

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  7. $6 for a dozen eggs? 50 cents an egg? I thought that paying $4.11 a dozen was outrageous. I will shut up now.

    I rarely go out, and moreover, I rarely want to. I know that it is not healthy, but I've got plenty to keep me busy right now.

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    1. I feel exactly the same as you- I don't want to go out. Not usually. And I seem to stay pretty busy right here.

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  8. That cabin reminds me of a movie. It would be interesting to go inside for a tour.
    Those trees of yours are so beautiful. I went for a lovely walk today but it was 32F, warm for us and cold for you. It felt good to be out walking though. My foot continues to improve.
    I wish there was a cure for your anxiety. I can't imagine living like that. I have a friend in Australia who has terrible anxiety, she faints when out in public.

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    1. It does sort of look like the stereotypical cabin in the woods, doesn't it?
      I'm so glad your foot is healing or HAS healed! Wonderful.
      I've had...attacks...in public from panic. They're awful. But I've never fainted in my life. I've come close a time or two but didn't. I am grateful for that.

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  9. I think this damned C virus has done more permanent damage than the physical to be honest. I feel the same.
    Eggs are nuts here too but I'm thankful for a local source.

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    1. Yes. It is a fact that our mental health has deteriorated since the beginning of the pandemic. And I don't know what the answer is if indeed there is an answer.

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  10. I took a google earth trip over Lloyd a couple of days ago and saw where the Dollar General store is and Notre Dame road too. It's a very green area, so many trees! Like you, I'd love to wander inside that little cabin and get a feel for it. Eggs are expensive everywhere I think, with chicken feed being more expensive to buy and other chicken-care related things too.
    We have pyracantha in Australia too, the birds love the berries.

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    1. I find it so strange that a street in Lloyd (barely a street) would be named Notre Dame. Don't you? We do have a lot of trees. That is what I love about this area the most, I think.
      Keeping your own chickens is not a cheap alternative to buying eggs at the store. I know that for sure!
      That's nice to know that you have pyracantha too!

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  11. That Spanish Moss is beautiful and I found the article fascinating - not too sure about the chiggers and snakes (another google search)!
    Your walk looks very peaceful. The cabin is more appealing than some of the fancier homes I saw on google maps.
    I am with you on the crowded shops. Pure panic material.
    And as for overthinking things ... let's not go down that path!

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    1. Well, I've never seen snakes in moss and if you get your moss out of the trees instead of from the ground, you probably won't get chiggers. Or redbugs as we sometimes call them. They cause a nasty itching rash. My walks are generally peaceful although sometimes when I walk on the sidewalk, the cars on that road far exceed the speed limit and can be a little scary.
      What? You overthink things too! Why does this not surprise me?

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  12. I find as I get older, and since an involuntary retreat from the world with Covid, I get more sensitive too when I am out and about in the world. It is so reassuring to read that what I'm experiencing is shared !

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    1. Oh, honey. Your experience is common among us! You are not alone.

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  13. Those old cabins are curious. I imagine the inside looks the way the outside looks. I've been in some pretty old funky houses when my sister and I were going to estate sales and if they are funky on the outside, they are on the inside.

    I stay home more often than not. Well, I guess that's not really true, every week I go to the grocery store, SHARE, yoga though that's down to once a week instead of 3 right now, and usually at least one more errand/outing. This week I plan to take all the metal I've been collecting to the metal recyclers. But those are all just daily maintenance things. I don't socialize. Well, I socialize when I'm out but I don't go out to socialize.

    Eggs are so high because there was an avian flu that killed millions of hens.

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    1. Old houses definitely can be funky. They can smell of not-quite adequate plumbing, wood rot and rodents. To begin with!
      It seems to me that you have a reasonably busy schedule outside of the house but not one that is too outrageous in any way. I admire you for doing SHARE and going to yoga.

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  14. You still manage to get out a lot and you are loving and friendly to people you meet so you are conquering your fears and anxieties, I think. You must be as loving and accepting of yourself as you are of others. I think you are terrific, Mary!

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    1. People one-on-one are not my problem. It's just when there are a lot of them around me. I love making connections with employees at the places where I shop and sometimes even other customers.
      Thank you for your endless kindness, Ellen.

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  15. Mary, you are an empath, the world presses in. You sense everything, absorb everything, it can feel like having no skin. I am the same way, which means living in a big city can be a challenge. Many days, I stay in my house and watch the world from my window, imagining the stories of the people who pass by. The good thing about going out into the world though is I am always so insanely grateful to get back home. I appreciate my house most then. I do hope you get chickens again. They gave you so much joy, and society, too, I think. Hugs.

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    1. It does feel like having no skin, doesn't it? I think of you all the time and wonder how you manage living in the BIGGEST city. I, too, would stay home a lot. And I know you have trees and green things growing to look out on, thank goodness. It is my trees and the birds that keep me as sane as I am.
      Yes. I need chickens. Glen says the fox is still pooping over by the garage though so he is still here.

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  16. Eggs are SIX DOLLARS a dozen?! That seems insane to me. Although I have no idea how much we pay here -- could be just as much, I suppose. (Dave does the shopping!)

    I understand your agoraphobic tendencies. Crowds are unpleasant and being home is just so much more comfortable. As I age I am much less enthusiastic about things like going out to the theater or going to parties. As others have pointed out above, Covid did us all no favors in that regard.

    But I think you're right that we have to make ourselves get out there as best we can. The more we shelter ourselves, the less comfortable in public we become, and we HAVE to be social. It's important for our well-being.

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    1. I would be curious to know how much eggs are a dozen in London. Did the Avian Flu afffect y'all too?
      I've always had these tendencies and looking back now, I realize that they were probably worse than I realized. Perhaps it's good that I didn't know- I thought that it was only "sometimes" that being out made me very uncomfortable and maybe it was.
      But yes, we can't just become prisoners in our own homes. Well, I guess we can but what kind of life is that?

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  17. I felt by your statement " constantly aware of their feelings" that you are a woman with a lot of empathy. That is not a bad thing to have in this sometimes crazy world. We need more people who care what others are feeling, but it can make our life difficult. I enjoy your blog and love my time with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren as do you! Not sure how to not be anonymous, but my name is Pam.

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    1. Hello, Pam. I am glad you are here! And yes, I think that I, like many others (you?) are empathic. Perhaps to an unhealthy degree. I don't know.

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  18. Dearest Mary-what, no chickens? What happened?

    Really just here to let you know I love you to the moon and back.

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    1. A fox happened! It's been rather horrible.
      I love you too, woman. So much.

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  19. we are at almost $8.00 per dozen for eggs currently..... help me Hannah! (my Mom used to say that). I gulp every time I buy them...and price still going up. Love the little old house surrounded by majestic trees......and....I don't believe there is such a thing as *feeling too much*. I believe where one encounters problems is when so many others are NOT used to feeling so much....and one doing all the *feeling* has to learn to cope and compensate in order to even relate, at times. Does this even make sense?
    Susan M.
    PS I can't believe you almost hit 80. last week you were below freezing! Here.....whacky weather as well. Dry as a bone for so long....now not only cold, but inundated with water from the sky! Bring it on!

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    1. If you buy the most cage-free organic eggs here, they are eight dollars a dozen. But what can you do unless you want to become vegan? You can't even make cornbread without an egg!
      Yeah. It's okay to be considerate of the feelings of others'. There's no problems with that. Perhaps it's that feeling of needing to "fix" the problem if there is one or make everything all right. Which of course, we cannot do in most cases. We can be kind and we can pay attention but we really cannot go through life feeling responsible for everyone else's emotional wellbeing.
      I'm so glad you're getting rain. I know you need it!

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  20. That old house looks like it holds some stories. Such a poetic looking place is your Lloyd.

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  21. Love that Little Old House, I'm sure if the Walls could Talk and reveal all the History it's seen.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.