Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I'm Really Tired

What you are looking at here is a boy bending a small cherry laurel sapling over for the goats to dine upon its leaves. And his young brother, holding a tiny branch of cherry laurel to feed the hungry goats as well. Owen has make-up on. He is currently intrigued by KISS and painted his face with a black and blue glittery eye-shadow which I sometimes use as an eyeliner when I am feeling especially sassy.
So. Not lately.

Anyway, I was just impressed as hell that the boy came up with the idea and all day I had a wonderful time with those two. Owen suddenly wants to hear stories. Real stories. Stories about when I had my babies for one thing. He actually asked me today what I had for dinner when my babies were born which is mighty random but to tell you the truth, I  DO remember what I had for dinner the night each of my babies was born except for Hank and as I recall, I was too excited to eat for about three days after his birth. So I told Owen the details of all of that- my post-birth culinary adventures and he also kept asking me how the Rolling Stones became the Rolling Stones and on about the third telling I started including accents and so forth and he told me he loved me about fifty times and he was wonderful.

And then.

That child. 

We were in the library and we were just having a fine time of it and I was reading Owen a funny Mother Goose poem and holding Gibson because he'd woken from a nap and didn't want me to put him down and Owen went behind the couch where I was sitting and stood there and I said, "Owen, are you peeing?"
"NO!" he shouted. "Don't look!" 
Well, of course he was. Peeing. On the air vent. 
It was the most bizarre thing. 
"Don't talk! Don't talk!" he kept screaming. He knew he'd screwed the pooch. 
I was so astounded that all I could do was say, "Why? Why in the world would you do that?" and of course there is no answer to why an almost-four-year-old boy would pee on the air vent behind the couch in the library and he dashed into the living room and hid behind his grandfather's chair and continued to scream, "Don't talk!" and Gibson was crying and it was just crazy. 
But the damn thing was, I couldn't help laughing and I just couldn't get mad at him.

I cleaned up the pee and went into where the child was hiding and he was quiet by then and I said, "Don't make your old grandmother crawl back there," but he didn't say anything and I did crawl back there and Gibson was crying because I'd set him down and Owen appeared to be asleep and I thought, well, that's it. He was so tired he just didn't know what he was doing, so I picked him up and put him gently on the couch and he laid there perfectly imitating sleep and I kissed him and told him I could never be mad at him and that little faker was wide awake and he deserves an Oscar for that performance. 

And that's what being a grandmother is all about. Jesus. I would have smacked my own kid on the butt. Or something. 

The men are back. I have chicken and dumplings simmering. I am so grateful to have my husband back. I'm grateful for a lot of things. And if Owen ever pees on the air vent again he IS IN SUCH DEEP TROUBLE!


Love...Ms. Moon


  1. That is hilarious - & there's no way he has any clue what he was thinking :)

    I'm remembering the antics of my brother - he never had a clue either. "Joe, why did you dip wads of toilet paper in the toilet & then fling them up onto the ceiling in the closet?" "I dunno..."

  2. Hi, Putting myself in his little shoes for a moment, I think he didn't want to miss the story so he figured, what could it hurt this once? Luckily it is probably warm enough not to need the furnace for a while! Also, if you haven't read it I highly recommend Silver Star by Jeannette Walls. Aunt Al in the story reminds me of you.

  3. If my brother and sons are in any way representative, boys don't seem to make the connection upfront between action and consequences nearly as well as girls do!!

  4. OMG, tiredness, not wanting to miss the story... ?? You are such a nice MerMer and when some day he reads this he will be mortified enough. And also after he said he loved you 50 times, how could you get mad at him? What a curious, imaginative little boy he is. He was probably distracted by Gibson's crying too. Can you tell I am sticking up for Owen?? I am glad Mr Moon is home. Sweet dreams. Sweet Jo

  5. I remember finding my son standing on the edge of the tub peeing into the sink I said WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT and he said Dad does it and then I got pissed but I finally figured out he thought the sink could serve as a urinal. At least that's their story and they're still sticking to it.


  6. Yes, not wanting to miss any of the story makes sense. At first I thought you meant you were in the public library. But hey, just at home... well... it doesn't sound as if a repeat performance is very likely.

  7. well, if it makes Owen feel any better I peed in my pants today. Enough to have to change them. When you have to go, you have to go.

  8. Ha! That is SO funny. And yes, bizarre. Kids do the strangest things.

  9. My brother peed on ME once. And a few weeks ago, my SIX year old peed in a toy doctor's box and left it in his room, where it spilled. I dunno. Kids need to do this illegal peeing for some reason. My daughter did it too, briefly.

  10. Ah Bless him. I wonder if it has anything to do with him (briefly)seeing urinals the other day . .
    maybe there were air vents in there? who knows.
    My daughter (6) did a poo in the cat litter a couple of weeks back, and buried it. I couldn't help laughing either. She just "wanted to know how it felt" fair enough.

  11. Screwed the pooch indeed. And "Don't talk!" that cracks me up.

  12. The Bug- Exactly. NO IDEA! He had an urge. And followed it without a glimmer of a thought.

    Anonymous- Ooh. No. I never read that. I just looked it up and I think I must read it. Thanks!

    Mama D- I believe you are correct in this although we could be accused of sexism in saying so. And I don't care. There are differences, dammit!

    Sweet Jo- I hesitated before posting this because I am very sensitive to what Owen may or may not read here when he is older but you know what? He DID that and it was hysterical and he's just a little boy and his grandmother loves him no matter what. I can't just write about all the sweet things he does or it wouldn't be real at all. Oh- and I forgot to mention that he picked me a flower yesterday and when I thanked him, he said, "No problem!"

    Rebecca- Boys (and men) simply do love to pee in unusual places don't they? And if I had their equipment I probably would too. Good story about your son. I feel certain that yes, he totally believed it was like a urinal. Uh-huh.

    A- I don't think the story thing was an excuse. It was just a very short poem and it was about a NAUGHTY puppy and he was barely listening.
    That naughty puppy.

    Birdie- This is so true.

    Elizabeth- You know from boys.

    Steve Reed- One is constantly amazed.

    Jo- I agree. They just NEED to.

    Bugerlugs- Oh my god. Well, that's a new one on me. At least she buried it.

    Jill- He did NOT want to hear what I had to say. At all.

  13. haha! What is it about men peeing every where?! I swear, Pat would pee off our balcony into another person's yard if he could. I guess if it was that easy to pee standing up, I might think about it... He also liked to write his name in the snow... so weird.

  14. For a second I thought that happened in the LIBRARY library. Like in town. Glad it was your house.

    Well, not really but you know what I mean :)

    Doesn't sound like he needed a smack on his butt based on his reaction.

  15. Rachel- Their peni are their first and favorite toys. Always. They never lose their appeal for them. Or something.

    Stephanie- Nah. He knew what he'd done. I wonder if part of it wasn't wondering just how far he could push MerMer without suffering consequences.

  16. I don't remember peeing in the house or on things. But I would pee in the woods and still do when I can. Owen yelling don't talk was funny. I suppose he didn't want to hear that he messed up. My ass would have been whacked if I had done that. You are a good grandmother.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.