Friday, August 20, 2010

There's Already Enough Shit To Go Around


My daughter, Lily, is an excellent gift-giver. She has the talent to find and give the perfect gift.
Last night she gave me my late-birthday present and you can see it above. That tiny charm with the teensiest picture of me and Owen back when he was a babe-in-arms. I am wearing it on a chain with another beautiful little charm that my daughter May gave me which is the smallest rosebud and pansy (I think it's a pansy) in the world, encased in polymer and silver.



I am well-gifted.
And content with the smallest of the small things today.
No. Not just content, overwhelmingly happy with them.
I'm tired today. My legs and hips have been keeping me awake at night, making it impossible to go to sleep. I suppose they go into spasms. I fall asleep and then jerk back awake with the pain and it gets so frustrating. I finally get up and go read and usually fall asleep in the guest room. And my every step, every day, hurts a lot.
I wonder if this is normal. It's normal for me.

I waited today until it was sufficiently warmed up and humid to make my walk an absolute misery and it was. I would have puked but I didn't want to stop. I wanted to get home.
I just can't stop walking. I can't. I have to stay strong for this life of mine. I refuse to be one of those old people who is crippled from a life of inactivity and bad eating. I have to keep going.
But what I am discovering is that I also have to rest. I've always been a napper. I've always said that sleep is my favorite activity and I'm not joking about that. And now I think I need to remember that it's a luxury I can't afford not to indulge in. I'm not saying I want to sleep my life away but I am saying that taking the time to sleep and to nap when I can might be the best thing I can do for myself. It's not laziness, it's a necessity.

There's so much I am learning I have to do and not do these days. I am trying to figure out the balance in it all and of course, that's an almost impossible task. It's all about priorities, as I said yesterday I think, and learning to let go of some things to make sure that the things which are most important get done and get done well.

My entire goal today is to mop the kitchen and one bathroom and to clean out the chicken coop. I have done neither of those things yet. I would love to get to town to go to the library for books on tape and to get to the grocery store. I am out of bananas and milk and tomatoes and apples and peaches and cucumbers. Mr. Moon can shop for those things on the way home but I know he hates it, shopping for groceries. And I can live without books on tape but honestly, I'm sick of listening to news, even on NPR. I think one of the things I am letting go of is worrying about the world. That mosque/community center thing? I just want to tell people to shut up and let it go. Could we quit acting like a bunch of street punks walking around saying, "You disrespectin' me? Huh?" and try to remember that we are adults here and are trying to live a noble experiment which involves religious freedom? Can we?
No.
There's a local election here next Tuesday and I'm going to be out of town and thank god. I get all those flyers in the mail and there are signs up everywhere, trashing the roadways. Every fucking candidate is so sure that he or she is the one we need to "get things done." They all hate big government, they all KNOW how "we" feel. They are all sincere and trustworthy and god-fearing members of the community. One candidate (a woman) even sent her family's recipe for blueberry cobbler.
What the fuck was that all about?
And you know what? I don't care. I hate the political system and the way it's evolved. It's a bunch of shit and I don't think you can be part of it without getting some on you.

Yeah, that's a pretty broad and cynical brush I'm painting things with but honestly- it's how I feel right now. Who in their right mind would WANT to run for anything? And the populace is no better. If a politician gets elected and doesn't create world peace, end global poverty and prevent all natural disasters, they're a failure and a hue and cry arise to vote the fucker out. Or to claim he's a Muslim which leads us back to religion.

Hell. I don't have the politics gene or the patriotism gene or the religion gene and I know that.
I also don't have the gift-giving gene and I know that too.
And there's part of me who wants to just let all of that shit go. Say what you want, do what you want, just keep the damn power working and the roads fixed and give us decent schools and shut up about all that other crap. Oh yeah, health care would be super nice. Take care of the vulnerable and the women and the babies and let people lead their own lives and keep your damn moral views out of it.

Well, that's me today.
I guess I'll go get into some actual shit and deal with that chicken coop. And mop my floors. And maybe go to town. I don't know. If I can find the energy to take a shower and put on a bra, I will. Otherwise, I'll just take a nap.

And that's okay. For me, Ms. Mary Moon at the age of fifty-six, that is just fucking fine.

Happy Friday, y'all.
Love...Ms. Moon

18 comments:

  1. I love you with all my heart. You were saying so much more eloquently the things I just typed in a rant I still have in draft. I'm just about ready to implode from anger at the us and them political squabbles that are accomplishing nothing. Damn. It is a shitty process these days, government of and by and for the people, as we get apparently collectively more ignorant and less thoughtful. Sigh.
    I adore your necklace. I almost bought it at a craft fair but chose the forget me not instead, which i wear in honor of my father.
    Keep writing, so I feel less crazy and know voices of reason still speak. Hugs.

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  2. I am so done with that mosque bullshit. You're exactly right. We're grownups, and part of that deal is putting up with a gym/community center/mosque four blocks away from the WTC complex. Which PS, you can't even see it from the building.

    Also, I have felt the same way as you all week. Overwhelmed. I'm letting go of so much stuff that really doesn't matter, getting my exercise, and writing.

    So much better already.

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  3. And to clarify, there's not a damn thing wrong with mosques.

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  4. Mel- If by "eloquent" you mean "with lots of the f-word". Ha! But thanks. I'm feeling so tired of certain aspects of society.

    Nancy C- EXACTLY! Thank-you!

    Ms. Fleur- Aren't they?

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  5. Yes, it is a pile of shit. I don't see the problem with the mosque. Oh, wait....I remember it is only Christian family values that matter and the right to bear arms. Give me a break from the right wingers.

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  6. I am glad other people think that about the mosque. Good grief. I have heard some ignorant statements lately.

    And, Ms. Moon, your fingernails are so nicely filed. :)

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  7. Gorgeous charms :)
    Happy weekend to you, Ms. Moon...

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  8. A colleague and I were discussing the petty state of political affairs today, and he nearly fell off his chair laughing when I said that I frankly don't give 2 shots of piss what religin the president is, or if they build a mosque anywhere. I don't think the people who openly frequent mosques are the ones we have to worry about blowing up our buildings. It's the fuckers hiding out in caves and basements we have to worry about. And they don't have to be any certain religion or race to do it. Ugh, society is a piece of work. Or a piece of shit. I don't know.

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  9. You SO have the gift-giving gene.

    xoxoxo

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  10. beautiful gifts.
    your children are so thoughtful and sweet.
    hey, i've been listening to the new Sue Miller: Lake Shore Limited on audio book. The author reads it really well. She sounds a little like you did in the chicken video, though less sexy. I think you'll like the writing and the story, a play is involved. Try to get it at the library?

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  11. your necklace is awesome. both of them are.

    your poor legs! i know you take a truckload of supps like i do, but do you take Magnesium and B vits? i've read those are crucial to Restless Leg.

    xo

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  12. Wow. Friday night sermon from the Church of the Batshit Crazy. I love it.

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  13. Naps are heavenly. I am on your side on this.

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  14. This is so sweet. I hope when my Daisy is older she'll be good at giving gifts, thoughtful like. I don't have much hope for my son though - I bet for my birthdays I'll be getting fake dog craps wrapped in cute giftwrap 'as a joke'.

    Call me psychic.

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  15. Syd- There is never a break from the right wingers. Ever.

    Nicol- I have a nail-file in my car and do them at red lights.

    Corinne- And to you, too, sweet lady.

    Rachel- I don't know either but the shit word does seem to keep coming up in my mind.

    Michelle- But not presents. I give lousy presents. Believe me.

    Bethany- Sue Miller scares me. Would this one? If you say no, I'll go find it.

    Maggie May- Yes. I take both of those. Sigh.

    Elizabeth- We get to decide when the Sabbath is for ourselves. It changes weekly.

    Mwa- Yes. And as a new mother, you should be napping whenever that precious Charlie does.

    Brooke Harper- Hey! I'm so glad you dropped by! Fake dog doo-doo. Well. Tell him now not to waste his money or the wrapping paper. RAISE THAT BOY UP RIGHT! TRAIN HIM!

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  16. Sue Miller scares you? In what sense? Are we talking about the same author? She is not scary in the least, just everyday people, wonderful , easy to read, but brilliant writing, lots of family, heart/life, relationship stuff.
    WV: scariar

    Boo!

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  17. I love to sleep and nap, too. I nap every weekend. What a damn luxury!

    I stopped watching the news eons ago, and I am much the happier for it.

    Love you, Mary Moon!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.