All of a sudden, it seems like I have no time for the blog. Or very little, at least.
And you know what? This place, this space, this part of myself is so incredibly important to me that I'm panicking a little bit.
I know that eventually, things will balance out. But isn't life a constant battle for balance?
I am determined, at the moment, to reclaim my body and that requires some time and effort both in exercise and in cooking. I am (supposedly) co-directing a play. Owen's other grandma has a blown knee and can't chase that crazy-running boy on weekends the way she has been and so I will probably have him more too.
And all of this is nothing more than more blessings. I feel like I've been sitting on the high dive for a long, long time, waiting for my courage to rise, waiting for my heartbeat to steady and now it has and I am diving, diving, diving deep into the waters of this life.
But.
This place, blessourhearts, is so important to me that I can't possibly live without it.
And thus- the panic.
What if? What if people get tired of my blah, blah, blah and go away because I can't spend the time it takes to stitch up the words that make up the tent that covers this place where I find solace, find comfort? Where I can stick my head out and see the stars and moon and dawning light filtering through the oak trees?
What if?
Well. I don't know.
All I know is that I'm going to do the best I can while still trying to be the best I can here in this house, on this tiny spot of land with this family that I have brought into creation.
I am diving into the love of it all and I am going to try and let my fingers fly my brain-thoughts and heart-feelings, still, here.
Be patient with me, please.
I don't want to lose you.
But I have this life.
I'm doing the best I can. I am in deep water. I am trying to pay attention. I am rising up and I am trying to ration my breath, my energy, my soul.
It's odd. I never expected this at the age of fifty-six. But here I am.
Here I am.
I swear.
You can't lose me, I'll just keep checking back to see when you have something else to say. I hear you about the busy and the life and the deep water. You are doing the best you can, which, as I've mentioned before is a lot. Don't let anyone here make you feel guilty. You just do what you can, when you can. We'll still be here, bless your heart.
ReplyDeleteNot to worry--we're patient. And sometimes I wonder about so much time spent sitting in front of screens...
ReplyDeleteI am very patient for you. As long as you blahblah I'll be here to read it.
ReplyDeleteSo I am not alone either...I have had zip time to write. Full days of getting back to taking care of me..making jam...keeping up with my family and the house...wow!
ReplyDeleteSo Ms. Moon be kind and we will follow you..all will slow down (it will!) and you will be tapping away with so much to tell us! I know...I have faith...so for now...do what you need to do.
Ms. Moon,
ReplyDeletedo what you can.
you have a full full life.
If you share mere snippets of your incredible writing it will bless us.
And hopefully give you that writing buzz or whatever.
I can barely get on the computer lately.
And it's going to get worse in the next few days for a few weeks.
sleep well,
deb
Sweet Ms Moon, don't you fret. Your writing is wonderful and clear and true whether you're trying or not. Honestly at this point I love you so much you could just log on for a week and tell me about your or Owen's or the dogs bowel movements and I would keep coming back.
ReplyDeleteWe know you're here. We know you're busy, your life full. You will balance it all out. You can't help writing. Sitting here with us. It's part of your life and creation. It won't go away.
We won't go away.
I know I never will.
You have all the patience you need with me Ms. Moon. I will gladly and dutifully return to visit your wonderful words of wisdom. Keep rising up and take care. Always love stopping by and visiting your special little place on the Internet.
ReplyDeleteDon't fret, darling.......we will all wait patiently.....no fear that you will lose us. Live your life and learn the lesson of Blogging Without Obligation. (I just learned it last week).
ReplyDeleteOh Mary. I think you say this every time you have a play.
ReplyDeleteDont' worry, nobody's going anywhere.
you know, I feel the same when I'm busy, as sitting around at home is my default behaviour, but that's not really the way it's meant to be, is it? It's not really the deep water, it just feels that way at first.
Have fun, keep breathing.
no worries. the balance thing is hard for me too. you will find your balance. i have faith in you.
ReplyDeletebtw i really enjoy reading your blog because it describes what i think family is. sometimes it's cake and smiles and then other times it's chicken shit. you continue to be an inspiration from afar for many people, me included.
xxalainaxx
Ah, Ms. Moon - snap! I have the same feeling with this baby coming. Family comes first, but the blog has become SO important.
ReplyDelete(I'm not going anywhere, but I may be more intermittent for a little while.)
Me too. I am busier than ever and not feeling the urgency as I once did. But I will keep on writing what comes to mind. And I will continue to read you.
ReplyDeleteMel- What would I do without you?
ReplyDeleteA- Well, if you're sitting on the porch...Maybe not so bad?
Maggie May- I need to include more dialogue for you.
Ellen- I am. Oh lord, I am. What sort of jam are you making?
deb- The writing buzz is what makes me keep going forward. I swear.
Bethany- What I wouldn't give to hug you.
Mr. Shife- You are so faithful, so sweet.
Lo- Really? You can do that? Oh my.
Jo- It's more than the play this time. I promise you. But thank-you. I will keep breathing.
Mrs. A- You make me want to do my best.
Mwa- I can't wait to see the pictures. I am breathing in and out with you. I promise I am.
Syd- You have become, as Ms. Beloved-Bastard says, A Brother.
Why is this summer so busy?!?
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat. But I won't leave you. Never fear.
xoxoxo
I'll be here. I'll always be here. Take your time.
ReplyDeleteI love you.