Monday, September 8, 2008

More Trashy Methaphors


Although I walk the same route almost every day here in Lloyd, it's always a different experience. Different things may be blooming, a tree may have fallen over, I might see a deer or a bunch of kids on horseback. One time I saw bear tracks and I have seen foxes and bobcats and there's the sweetest bulldog in the world who moseys down from her front porch to wiggle a greeting of affection some mornings and I stop and pet her and tell her she's the prettiest dog in Lloyd and really, that's not just cheap talk. Lucy is gorgeous.
As I've mentioned before, I frequently pick up trash on my walk. I have rules about this. I only pick up the trash on what we call Main Street here in Lloyd, which is a stretch of paved road about four blocks long. There are houses on it, some old and restored handsomely, some modular and tidy, some nothing but trashed out trailers. That old, old falling-down shack with the wallpaper in it is on the road and there are stretches that are nothing but woods, too. I don't discriminate. I pick up whatever I find whether its in someone's front yard or on the woody stretches with the exception of the stuff in the yard of the trailers where the trashy people live because they are young and as far as I can tell, don't do a damn thing but sit on their asses, smoke crack all day and throw their damn beer cans in their own damn yards.
So fuck them.
I have noticed that the main trash items I find are empty Steel Reserve Malt Liquor cans. I have never personally tried the beverage myself, but this is what Wikipedia has to say about it:
The manufacturer describes the taste as "exceptionally smooth," however it may be said that its appeal lies in its attractive price, high alcohol content, and stylish packaging.
Well, I don't know about that but I do know that some Lloyd resident finds their high alcohol content and attractive pricing to be something he relishes because I pick up at least a dozen of these tall-boy cans a week.
I have often wondered who it is throwing them from the window of his vehicle and today, my curiosity was satisfied. I met the man.
He and another man were on the road, talking, when I was headed out this morning at the end of Main Street and they were still there when I returned. We threw a few greetings back and forth and I said, "Well, now I'm going to pick up trash." I bent and picked up a Steel Reserve can at my feet and put it in the plastic bag I had stashed in my pocket for just that purpose.
"Someone," I said, as I put the can in the bag, "Sure does drink a lot of these."
"Oh, that's me," said one of the men.
"Really?" I asked. "Why do you throw your empties on the road?"
"'Cause I figured someone was picking them up and selling them. You can sell cans for money. Do you sell 'em?"
"No," I said. "I just pick 'em up and throw 'em away. I pick up the candy wrappers and other junk, too."
"Huh," he said. "Well, I don't throw those out. I just throw out things you can recycle and sell."
"Why don't you sell 'em?" I asked him.
"Ah, man. I don't wanna drive around with all those cans in my car. I live way up on Capitola Road." He was, let me say, driving a bicycle this morning. "There's more up that way," he said, pointing down the road as if doing me a favor.
He was completely unapologetic, this guy, about throwing his cans out the window and I certainly wasn't going to start any conversations about how it probably wasn't wise to be driving around drinking tall boys of Malt Liquor that are 8% alcohol so I just thanked him and then added that at least he was giving me something to do.
I suppose in his mind he is practicing a sort of environmental philanthropy which I am not prepared to try and dissuade him about. He can think and say what he wants and I'll continue to pick up his empties because really, who else is going to do it?
I was thinking about this in relation to all the speeches given at the Republican convention which were full of sentiments about throwing the liberal big-spending bums out of Washington and replacing them with...uh, those same (very questionably) liberal, big-spending bums there now and who have been there for the past eight years. In other words- themselves.
We humans are good at twisting things around to seem one way when in fact, they are honestly another.
The difference between these two situations, the guy on the bike who throws his beer cans and the Republicans is that the guy on the bike knew in his heart that he wasn't fooling me and that I was merely humoring him by accepting his explanation of his trashy behavior whereas the Republicans seem to be able to convince even themselves that they are speaking the truth and are whipping themselves up into a frenzy as they feed this bullshit to their constituents who instead of whipping out their plastic bags to empty this crap into, happily open their mouths, swallow, and then, fed on the lies they're being given, regurgitate it out in passionate chants to "Drill, baby, drill."
That takes some steel something. Not reserve, in this case.
I would say more like balls. Balls of steel.
Clank-clank.
I guess it's all about the stylish packaging.
It's sure not the smooth contents.

5 comments:

  1. Girl, how you tie things together is a gift from (supreme being of choice) and amen.

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  2. Steel Reserve is terrible stuff, let me say as a lover of cheap beer. At first you think it'll be okay, but the aftertaste is nothing but regret that you swallowed it.

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  3. Thank you, Brother B. I believe I have not tortured that particular metaphor to death and shall try not to repeat it.
    DTG- that could be a metaphor unto itself. I will take your word on the subject.

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  4. Incredible! All along this fella has been doing you a big favor throwing these cans along main street. That's some grownup restraint you showed. And a well written recount too.

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  5. Hey! I try to just keep the peace around here. And the road tidied up. Not my job to lecture. They already think I'm crazy just for walking.

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