A Bath Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

Do you see that woman in the picture? If you study her carefully, you will be able to ascertain certain things about her. There are hints there, some subtle and some less so.

First off, as you can see, she is wearing her big, white, comfortable linen shirt which is excellent at absorbing perspiration and is supposed to be wrinkled, thus negating the necessity for ironing. She wears this shirt when she needs to feel comforted and when she is afraid she might sweat profusely. This shirt has good connotations for the woman in the picture. Once she wore it to get coffee with her friend Billy and being a fool, she began to sip her coffee, not realizing the top was not on properly until Billy pointed out that the entire front of her shirt was drenched in dark, damp, caffeine goodness. And she loves Billy so much that her foolishness did not extend to embarrassment because Billy knows what a clumsy being she is and loves her anyway.

She had to wash the shirt at least five times with bleach and Oxyclean to completely remove the coffee stain and thus, it has become even more valuable to her. It is a shirt with a story, a history, and every time she wears it, she knows she is vulnerable, a goof, and yet loved.

So there is that.

Do you see the stringy flatness of her hair? That is because it is wet. She has just washed it and it is clean. What you can't see is that she has washed her entire body too, and shaved her legs. She has applied lotion (with SPF 15 because she is smart that way) and she has even put on lipstick.

Study the small details. The woman is wearing a necklace with a heart her husband gave her on their wedding day, as well as a Virgin of Guadalupe charm that her daughter gave her. She is also wearing, on the lapel of the big white shirt, a red rhinestone heart pin belonging to her dear Lis. These pieces of jewelry are totemic and they represent love and supernatural powers of protection.

Now. On to the body language and facial expression. The woman appears to be...perturbed. Her fingers are pointing to her temples as if she is miming shooting herself, or perhaps pointing out something that has gone wrong with her brain.

What is this woman's story?

Why is she wearing lipstick and her comforting garment and her totemic, protective jewelry? Why did she wash her hair and shave her legs and why is she so confused?

Because she thought she had a doctor's appointment this morning at ten. But no, upon checking the appointment card in her wallet before she left, she realized she has a doctor's appointment at ten on the first Thursday of the TENTH month, which means October here in the United States of America in 2008.

The woman feels at once foolish and relieved.
Also filled with the anxiety that has been rising in her blood and brain since yesterday when she realized that the comet would probably not be hitting the earth and destroying all life forms before the appointment time, meaning she would have to actually go to the doctor, get weighed, have her blood pressure checked, undress, put on the GOWN, wait on the paper-covered table for the nurse practitioner to come into the room, discuss current concerns, lie down upon the paper-covered table and allow the nurse practitioner to do rather unspeakable things to her person. Some of them involving metal instruments. Some of them involving little scrapey things. Some of them involving touching her in ways she'd rather not be touched by anyone except for perhaps Mr. Moon.

Is this too much information?

Not for you women. You know what I'm talking about.

When the woman saw the NP three weeks ago, she noted that it had been two years since her last Pap and Pelvic.

"NO!" the woman cried. "It's only been one year."
"It says right here," the nurse said, studying the woman's chart through her glasses, "it was in 2006."
"How can that be?" the woman wailed.

And the appointment was made to rectify this situation.

And the woman thought that appointment was for today.

So here is a woman. All clean from her head to her toes, from stem to stern. She is wearing her going-to-the-doctor clothes. She is wearing her help-me-get-through-this-with-grace jewelry.
She is all dressed up.
She has no where to go.
Her mind is failing her but she already knew that.
She is calming down.
She is thinking that comet has an entire month to hit the earth.

She is thinking she might go to the mall.

Why not? She is already wearing lipstick and she is very, very clean.