Friday, August 20, 2021

The Sweetness of Long-Time Love


This is a picture of two hens and Liberace taking a dirt bath in the driveway with Fancy Pants looking on. Chickens love dirt baths and they get all down in that dirt, sifting and filtering it through their feathers. They look so funny when they do it, flattening their bodies into the soil, but it is one of their main pleasures. I wish I could say that Liberace had tasked Fancy Pants to take over the watch and keep an eye out while he was having a bit of a nap, but I am certain that did not happen. I do think, however, that Mr. Pants would alert the others if something did threaten them simply because he is a rooster and that's what roosters do. 
Roosters watch and protect the flock. They also fuck the flock. Or at least the female part of it. 
And speaking of which- it's just about time for us to do something about all the roosters that Darla hatched and when I say do something I feel certain that you are aware that I don't mean giving them a Bar Mitzvah because they are becoming men. 
Sigh.
I still have not yet determined exactly which are males but that may just be because they all are and I don't have anything to compare them with. Some of them are practicing their crowing and getting pretty good at it but I haven't caught any of them directly in the act. 
Poor Darla. All that work. 

Well, it's hot here in the Land of Lloyd. The kind of hot where if I go out to clean the hen house, I am sweating through my clothes in the fifteen minutes it takes me. I did clean out the hen house and I also hung sheets and another load of clothes on the line and I picked some okra and at that point I swore I wasn't going back out until it was time to get the laundry off the line. 
I was still feeling a bit funky this morning and I'm guessing it was because of the pneumonia vaccine and because of that I felt justified in taking it easy today. Which I mostly did. 

All right- here's a scene from a marriage:

I hung the first load of laundry out while Mr. Moon was down the street, talking to his friend Rob about going out on Lake Miccosukee tonight to do further investigation on the alligator situation in preparation for the season opening on Sunday. The "season" meaning alligator hunting season. 
Please. Don't ask me. 
Why anyone would want to go out on a boat to hunt alligators at night (which is what they do) is so far beyond my ken that I wonder if my husband and I even live in the same universe. However, it would appear that we do and it would also appear that he did not notice that I had hung our sheets on the line when he got back and he got on the lawn mower and began to mow the lawn. Mowing the lawn always causes dust to fly and flying dust is not a good thing for clean laundry hanging on a line. I was mystified as to why he'd done that. However, I proceeded to hang a second load of laundry out and he proceeded to continue mowing. 
A little while later he came in the house and said that he wouldn't mow right beside the clothes. I told him that even if he didn't mow right beside the clothes, the dust was going to get to them anyway. He asked me why I had hung clothes while he was mowing. I told him that I'd hung the first load before he started mowing. 
"Oh," he said. He had not noticed. 
I got a bit snippy about it. I read about the possible side-effects of the pneumonia vaccine last night and one of them, (and I am not making this up) was "irritability."
I wish I could claim that my snippiness was due to a vaccine reaction but I feel certain it was not. More likely it was the result of the heat and the fact that he had not noticed SHEETS HANGING ON THE LINE. 
He apologized. I said, "That's okay. I'll just go get everything off the line and finish it off in the dryer." To be completely honest, I am sure that he could tell from my tone of voice that I was not very happy about this.
He said, "No, no. I'll just stop mowing."
I said, "I have to go get them at some point. Might as well do it now."
And I did. I probably even flounced out to do it or at least as much as one can flounce wearing overalls. 

I think that things like this happen in all relationships. And it's so easy, whether because of simmering feelings being triggered or unreasonable heat or vaccine side-effects to let things escalate but I think as we get older and more seasoned in learning how to be a partner, we learn to step back and just...let...it...go.

Later, my husband thanked me for not getting too mad at him. I appreciated that. 

If there is one thing that I do appreciate about getting older, it is that we have learned to love better. Or at least I have. He's always been the sane one, the one least apt to turn little things into big things. Over the years we have learned exactly how precious a good marriage is. How very unimportant it is to win an argument, to make the scoring point, to come out "ahead." How silly it is so very often to even have an argument about something completely ridiculous. How sweet it is to hear an apology, to give an apology, to kiss without having to make up, but simply to reaffirm "I love you." 

And that's what I'm thinking about tonight. It's Friday. The man is off on a boat on Lake Miccosukee looking for alligators, I'm having a solo martini, there are line-dried AND dryer-dried sheets on the bed, the chickens have fresh straw in their nests, and there's a new Mormon Stories podcast for me to listen to.

Life is good. 

Happy Friday, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon

23 comments:

  1. Glad everything went well at the doctor's office and you got a lot done today! I do not know about roosters or alligators but would not want to mess with either. You and your husband seem to know how to work things out. You have had years to get to know each other and it sounds have if you have both done a good job of that.
    Happy Friday to you too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband DOES know how to work things out. That is one of his many skills. There is so much about him that one cannot learn in a school or a class but which comes naturally to him and he is smart and has learned to live in this world very well.

      Delete
  2. Thank you for sharing that scene from a marriage. It's a great story, well-told over that martini.

    I know that snippy feeling all too well, and you're right - it doesn't really get one very far. As our marriage ages (like a good bottle of wine, I hope), I'm learning to let that feeling come, and then let it go. I am (amazingly!) no more perfect than my Mike, and when I can remember that in the heat of the moment a little humbleness sometimes breaks into my self-righteous indignation.

    The first time I ever saw chickens in a dust-bathing trance, I hailed the farmer and blurted "Your chickens are dying!". Oops.

    Chris from Boise, just in from picking gallons of beans

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We all get snippy. The trick is to examine it within our hearts, figure out why, and then decide whether or not the reason is truly worth picking a fight over.
      I understand why you told that farmer his chickens were dying! Jessie's housesitter this summer texted her to describe the strange behavior of Jessie's chickens while dirt-bathing. "Are they sick?" she asked. They do look so weird.

      Delete
  3. this brought welcomed levity to my day......men ARE from Mars and women from Venus....anyway you look at it. Made me chuckle..... any marriage worth its salt will have these moments and good thing we can chuckle (afterwards!). and your hens dust-bathing reminded me of my very first flock 29 years ago.....the first time I ever saw a hen take a dust bath I was convinced she was having a horrible seizure! LOL. I learned quickly. and sorry Darla graced you with too many roos........ there is always Mr No Man Lord.....who I'm sure would (in his own way) bless, and appreciate them to sustain his body.
    Susan M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men and women are extremely different creatures and I believe that more every year of my life. And that is good. Mostly.
      Yes- dirt-bathing chickens do not look "right". But don't they luxuriate while doing it?

      Delete
  4. Never noticed sheets on a line. Would he have noticed alligators? Huh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES! He would have! He can spot hawks and eagles and deer in the woods that I would never see. Our vision differs greatly.

      Delete
  5. You accomplished quite a bit in all that heat (and lawnmower dust!). The lot of Darla's chicks probably are roosters, and one wonders why that is. You'd think any chicken that delights in a bath in the dust would be amiable enough to produce boy, girl, boy, girl. Better yet, girl, boy, girl, and stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No kidding. I wonder if chickens are like some other animals- gators for instance- who can control the sex of their offspring by varying the temperature of the nest. If so, Darla is a hot-mama.

      Delete
  6. My hubby is grumpy as hell. The heat, work, his dad in hospital, disrespect at work, his mom; he even hung up on his mom last night. I have to remind myself that he no longer drinks and he's still learning how to deal with his emotions. He can't drink himself into oblivion anymore, so I give him space and tell him I love him. He also knows that if he ever took another drink he would be out on his ass in no time flat.

    Marriage is hard and a good marriage is even harder I think, because you care. But really, how can you not see sheets hanging on the line?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriage can be very hard, can't it? I am vastly lucky in that my husband is a generally happy and well-adjusted and calm man. So very, very lucky.
      But yeah- the sheets. Don't ask me. He just wasn't thinking about that, I'm sure.

      Delete
  7. I too am completely mystified about going out on a boat at night to hunt alligators. There are, like, twenty things about that scenario that make it sound like Hell to me.

    As you said, I think all of us in relationships have our snippy moments. Fortunately Dave is like Mr. Moon in that he doesn't take anything too personally or too seriously for too long.

    So did you have to re-wash the clothes, or did you just decide to make do with mower dust? I'm sure if you shake 'em out they'll be fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always say that Glen is the rock and I am the roll. Makes sense to me.
      I'm going to post some pictures here in a minute that will show you one reason that Glen likes hunting alligators. But I'm with you. Totally. Why get the hunting involved? Just go out on a boat and enjoy the scenery.
      I did not have to wash the clothes again. He stayed pretty far away from them. And if there was dust on them, the dryer filtered it out. I guess.

      Delete
  8. we have those moments too. usually if i get real mad and feel the need for revenge i just leave more drawers or cupboards open then usual.

    pixie i feel you- we both stopped drinking around thanksgiving 2020 so it's been a journey for both of us learning better coping strategies.

    be well and i'm wondering what one does with roosters? will we hear a chapter about their trip to the butcher?

    xxalainaxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh- I could tell you stories of the revengeful (vengeful?) things I used to do in my first marriage. And I stand by the view that he deserved it.
      As to roosters. Well, we don't take them to a butcher and I don't cut their heads off but someone (guess who) does.

      Delete
  9. Ah, yes, snippy moments. I try hard to overlook issues that peeve me, but every once in a while, I don't just snip, I cut (figuratively, not literally). There is a reason I have a small plaque on my desk that reads "Sarcasm - One of the Free Services I Offer." Before I retired, that sign used to reside on the front of my desk at work as a fair warning for folks not to ask stupid questions when they came into my office. Not one of my nicer traits, but hell, I don't use it all the time. Think you were entirely justified to get a tad snippy with the lawn mowing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can be SO sarcastic. It is one of my super powers. But I try to use it in a non-hurtful way. There's a reason they say that some people have "a sharp tongue," isn't there?

      Delete
  10. omg! I thought you were showing us a picture of three dead chickens!

    oh Mary. the best therapist I ever went to called it 'falling into the pit'. all the reasons why we get mad or fight or snippy, the blaming, the selfishness, the inconsideration, the ned to be 'right' and having the last word. (not of course all the really important things that need to be addressed.) I learned to see the pit first, then how to walk around it. now when I see it in the distance, I fucking turn around and walk away. not worth the emotional disturbance.

    and so alligator season is just for kicks and grins of killing something or a necessary culling? I suppose some people eat alligator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. Chickens definitely not dead. They're in the driveway chicken spa.
      The pit. That is a good one. Yes.
      I don't really know if gators need culling or not but I know there sure are lots of them. It's a very restricted activity. You have to apply to a lottery to get tags to hunt and then you are assigned a place and a time. Some people do eat alligator. I don't think I ever have.

      Delete
  11. I saw you're entitled to flounce all you want because your being irritable was no side effect of your flu vaccine. I would have been pissed as hell and then instead of aligator hunting I would have been "Mr. Moon hunting" - well that is until I calmed down because I know you've got agood man there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, it wasn't that big of a deal. It was just that both of us wondered why the other one was doing what we were doing.

      Delete
  12. We do learn each other's foibles over time, and we also learn the sweetness of giving each other a little grace. The bedrock of long time love.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.