So after writing so blithely last Sunday about how that particular day of the week no longer has the power over me that it used to, I woke up today to find that I was in the depths of Sunday despair.
I just felt hopeless. And helpless.
Isn't it funny, though, how some days almost everything is wiped of all joy and color? How things that normally wouldn't register as sad or difficult, as filled with dread portent just do? What usually seems fine or even cheerful can appear annoying or worrying and even the smallest negative events can feel overwhelming.
Like that. And its been gray all day long with only a drop of rain here and there. The entire atmosphere feels full of heaviness and I guess in a way it is. I don't think that either Fred or Grace are going to affect us very much but somehow their very presence, however distant it may be, seems palpable.
When I went to let the chickens out this morning this little cat was outside, as if waiting for me.
The little cat talked to me some and then it ran away and I went in to tell Mr. Moon about it and about the weevils and I sent my kids a picture of the cat and before I knew it, they were all excited and suggesting names. The very idea of one more creature around here for me to take care of holds absolutely NO appeal to me at all and besides that, Jack and Maurice already wake us up almost every night fighting and the thought of throwing that poor little thing into the mix is just a big fat FUCK THAT!
And usually this would at least give me a sense of accomplishment but today it was just a big ol' meh.
Anyone want to adopt a very cute doggo?
Unless he tells me I'm dying.