Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Self-Care Comes In Many Different Forms
Yesterday when I was in town I went by Costco and bought one of those radiant space heaters that blasts warm air at you as you shop and also one of those blankets which are so soft that they may as well have been made by unnatural angel/demons weaving unnatural angel/demon fibers made of something completely unknown in nature.
When we were in Mexico, there was a blanket like that on the bed and although I have always made fun of these highly suspect blankets (what could possibly be that soft and how could it possibly be a good thing to sleep under?) I enjoyed it tremendously. And when I saw that I could buy a royal blue one for $18 I did it. Maurice and I cuddled under it all night long although this morning she has moved over to Mr. Moon's side of the bed where he sleeps under one thin flannel sheet-like thing and one thin white cotton blanket like the kind they have in hospitals.
I am not sure what happened in the cat kingdom while I was gone but somehow, Maurice has re-attained alpha cat status. Jack tried to come and sleep with us too last night but Maurice, already on the bed, let him know that he was not welcome and he slunk to the baby cradle in the corner of the room and slept there with the giant stuffed bear who spends his days there in this house of toys.
But back to the blanket- it is obscenely soft. It is so soft that I fear it is probably illegal to purchase or own one in at least twenty-four states. It is so soft that I believe that an unhappy wife, upon receiving one of these blankets, would realize that she had no need for a husband at all and the divorce rate would go up precipitously.
It is so soft that I dreamed of soft kisses.
Well. Moving on.
The gas log guy is going to come by today and see what he can to do repair the ones here which need repair. The one in the Glen Den works merrily for awhile and then begins to pop and hiss which is alarming and we rush to turn it off. I am going to stay home all day and do I am not sure what. Despite my new blanket and the soft kiss dreams, I woke up in a state of almost panic, anxiety-induced, but I took my meds and knew that I would be okay in a short while and now I am. Perhaps even a few months ago I would have felt guilty about this med-taking but I do not now. There is no reason in this world for me to be rendered non-functional by a mis-wiring in my brain when I can slowly and steadily recover from the panic to a place of acceptance and decent functioning. I am also working on doing a bit of breath meditation in my own way and I will continue that as well.
I am quite tired of suffering for no reason and of feeling as if I am unable to enjoy the beautiful and simple gifts of my life. The soft, cool air of the morning, the sleeping, blinking cat, the way Miss Butterscotch stays behind in the coop knowing that I will give her her own special sprinkle of corn, the sight of the garden which I know I will pick a delicious salad from for tonight, the glossy green magnolia leaves which hang on so jauntily through winter's cold.
I did not watch Obama's speech last night as I could not bear to say good-bye to that good man. I will watch it later via the miracle of the internet and I know I will cry. There is such unbearable pain associated with his leaving and the coming-in of what could possibly be the most insane president this country has ever elected.
Perhaps we should all go out and buy a cozy blanket. A blanket, meditation, medication, a cat, a walk, yoga, some chocolate, a martini, whatever it takes to get us through these next four years.
I think my newest mantra is "We go on."
And so we shall.