Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Self-Care Comes In Many Different Forms

Yesterday when I was in town I went by Costco and bought one of those radiant space heaters that blasts warm air at you as you shop and also one of those blankets which are so soft that they may as well have been made by unnatural angel/demons weaving unnatural angel/demon fibers made of something completely unknown in nature.
When we were in Mexico, there was a blanket like that on the bed and although I have always made fun of these highly suspect blankets (what could possibly be that soft and how could it possibly be a good thing to sleep under?) I enjoyed it tremendously. And when I saw that I could buy a royal blue one for $18 I did it. Maurice and I cuddled under it all night long although this morning she has moved over to Mr. Moon's side of the bed where he sleeps under one thin flannel sheet-like thing and one thin white cotton blanket like the kind they have in hospitals.

I am not sure what happened in the cat kingdom while I was gone but somehow, Maurice has re-attained alpha cat status. Jack tried to come and sleep with us too last night but Maurice, already on the bed, let him know that he was not welcome and he slunk to the baby cradle in the corner of the room and slept there with the giant stuffed bear who spends his days there in this house of toys.

But back to the blanket- it is obscenely soft. It is so soft that I fear it is probably illegal to purchase or own one in at least twenty-four states. It is so soft that I believe that an unhappy wife, upon receiving one of these blankets, would realize that she had no need for a husband at all and the divorce rate would go up precipitously.
It is so soft that I dreamed of soft kisses.

Well. Moving on.

The gas log guy is going to come by today and see what he can to do repair the ones here which need repair. The one in the Glen Den works merrily for awhile and then begins to pop and hiss which is alarming and we rush to turn it off. I am going to stay home all day and do I am not sure what. Despite my new blanket and the soft kiss dreams, I woke up in a state of almost panic, anxiety-induced, but I took my meds and knew that I would be okay in a short while and now I am. Perhaps even a few months ago I would have felt guilty about this med-taking but I do not now. There is no reason in this world for me to be rendered non-functional by a mis-wiring in my brain when I can slowly and steadily recover from the panic to a place of acceptance and decent functioning. I am also working on doing a bit of breath meditation in my own way and I will continue that as well.

I am quite tired of suffering for no reason and of feeling as if I am unable to enjoy the beautiful and simple gifts of my life. The soft, cool air of the morning, the sleeping, blinking cat, the way Miss Butterscotch stays behind in the coop knowing that I will give her her own special sprinkle of corn, the sight of the garden which I know I will pick a delicious salad from for tonight, the glossy green magnolia leaves which hang on so jauntily through winter's cold.

I did not watch Obama's speech last night as I could not bear to say good-bye to that good man. I will watch it later via the miracle of the internet and I know I will cry. There is such unbearable pain associated with his leaving and the coming-in of what could possibly be the most insane president this country has ever elected.

Perhaps we should all go out and buy a cozy blanket. A blanket, meditation, medication, a cat, a walk, yoga, some chocolate, a martini, whatever it takes to get us through these next four years.

I think my newest mantra is "We go on."

And so we shall.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Could not watch it, either. We will miss his measured reactions and though out decisions. And his wonderful family.
    Since the monster's election, though I have seen some incredible instances of goodwill, not by him or his party, of course. It is up to the rest of us to take care of each other, the repugnants are only in it for themselves.
    God Bless America

    1. Yes. May the worst bring out the best in us. May this happen.

  2. I couldn't watch, either. I know I will end up doing the ugly cry if I do. I cried when he won the first time, too, but those were tears of joy.

    1. So many tears of joy have I shed, watching Obama speak. My eyes are welling up right now, just thinking about it.

  3. Dear, dear Mary:
    I could not watch it either. It will be available when I am able to watch and listen.
    But, I wanted to chime in about your meds. My granddaughter had a total breakdown starting about this time last year. She was hospitalized for two months, and has been in group and individual therapy ever since. In the beginning I was OPPOSED to mood altering drugs. I didn't want to see her abilities compromised. Then, in the hospital, they said we need to give her meds, and explained them. No, she is not the same girl I signed into lock down. But, I enjoy every day of watching this child, who has no more demons in her head, grow into a lovely woman. She's not what I started with, and I don't care. She is who she is, and that is a an interesting person. People remark to me she is kind, sweet, caring, thoughtful. She's a good student. Has friends. I am grateful to the professional medical people who are guiding us through this.
    And, I'm grateful for your meds, too.

    1. I am far beyond not accepting the help I need to be the person I want to be. Or at least, MORE of that person than I am when I am crippled by anxiety. I am so glad to hear that your granddaughter is doing well. May this continue and may she be a happier and more productive soul because the world needs all of those people it can get. And because she is loved.

  4. I think we have down to love Obama, not in the abstract, but in the real. I watched him. And then this morning I watched a bit of Trump's press conference as he tried to approximate how a president should speak (truly, you could see him trying) and it was like a three year old pretending as hard as he could and failing, but nothing cute about it at all. Now that, I really couldn't watch. Maybe I need one of those blankets.

    1. Yes. We've come to absolutely adore and love him and his wife, too. In the realest real sense.
      I did not WATCH Trump speak, I listened on NPR as I did my chores. Now I feel sick to my stomach and my anxiety is peaking again. I must learn to either NOT listen or to be able to put what he says into a place which does not actually hurt me. And yes, you do need one of those blankets.

  5. I think we have grown... I really should reread my comments before pressing publish!

  6. I couldn't watch, either. I know I will end up doing the ugly cry if I do. I cried when he won the first time, too, but those were tears of joy.

  7. I keep wanting to buy one of those soft blankets, many of my clients have them. There is one in particular that I wrap up all snug before I leave. But, yes? What are they made of? Your description made me laugh.

    As for the state of the world, well, I don't know what to say. I guess I am just focusing on love.
    Whether it's the end of a day, at the end of a life, let's hope that is what we have. Angry politicians can do so much damage but can't take away our love. In fact, they make me more determined.

  8. I'm with Angella, I watched last night and cried, it was a very fine speech and I could not be prouder of that very fine man. My husband, who never cries, was also sniffling. I cannot bring myself to watch or listen to the orange bastard. The TV was on in our break room at work and I had to turn it off to eat lunch. Just cannot bear it.

  9. I didn't watch Obama's speech either. I'm in denial.

    This blanket sounds a bit out of hand! What could it possibly be made of? I still have a blanket that I brought back from Morocco when I returned to the states in 1994. It's pure polyester but I've slept under it nearly every night since then, and I love it!


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