Dear Former Sheik of Araby of Lloyd,
Thank you today for telling me that I have good legs, even if you only meant that in the fact that I don't need a cane to walk.
Thank you for pointing to my toenails and saying, "oooh," and not in a good way. I came home and cut them and at some point, I may actually paint them.
Love...Your grandmother, Mary
Thank you for brushing my hair. It was awesome.
Thank you for kissing me when I changed your diaper. It was like my favorite kiss I've ever received in the world.
Love...This Old Woman
Dear Sarcastic Bastard-Beloved,
Thank you for giving me the exact words I needed today. You have no idea.
Dear Woman In The Mall Who Was As Big Around As My Little Finger,
I just wanted to say that seeing you in the food court at the mall, sitting there with a table-full of food from Sabarro with everything from calzones to pizza to pasta, made me hate you. I was so hungry.
Dear Dudes Who Worked At Gap And Old Navy,
Thanks for being so sweet to this old woman and talking to her as if she were a real human being and not just one...more...damn customer.
Love...This Damn Customer.
Thank you so much for looking up shit about frogs on the internet. I know you love your mama and let me just say this- YOUR MAMA LOVES YOU!
Dear Woman Who Was Working At Old Navy Today,
Thank you for being one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. I wanted to be in your check-out line so I could tell you how beautiful you are with your skin, your smile, your eyes, your earrings. I was not but I am telling you here.
Dear Progress Energy,
Thanks for getting my power back on.
Love...A Customer Who Is Obviously In The Wrong Grid
Thank you for finally and at last, being happy. I am sorry I thought you were a dork when you demonstrated The Twist for me back in oh, 1962. Or so.
Thank you so much for creating such a beautiful place that my mother could move into. I am not kidding you.
Thank you for calling me.
You are my heart.
Thanks for making it rain.
Love...You must know who. You are god.
Thank you for shooting the frog.
Always loving you...M
Thank you for living and dying and giving me a pork chop.
Your carnivore worshipper,
Thank you for the gourd and cucumber and zinnia seeds. They are all blooming like crazy.
Dear John Gorrie,
Thanks for inventing the ice machine and air-conditioning.
Yours truly...M. G. Moon
Thanks for having a pharmacy which I can call and ask for refills for my antidepressant which works so well and easily. Also, for having those cooking demonstrations which allowed me to have a late-afternoon snack of a tiny bit of sausage sandwich with pickled onions. That was delicious!
Love...A Faithful Customer
Dear Bill Murray,
Thanks for letting someone take your picture and filming you.
Thanks for not leaving your keys somewhere in the mall which would have required you to go back and look for them. Good job!