Saturday, June 11, 2011

Does This Make Any Sense To You?

Last night Mr. Moon grilled us two lovely steaks. Now we don't eat a lot of beef. Maybe once a month. If that. And it's not that I don't like beef. I do. It's just that since we're not dying for lack of fat and protein, we don't really need beef in our diet. Ya know? And since when I sin by eating meat, I do it with a product of the pig for the most part.

Yes, Lord, I do love a pork chop.

But anyway, he grilled these steaks and we split one and so we have another and tonight we're going to have steak and tomato sandwiches and leftover green beans and potatoes. Oh man. I'm excited. I have like four different kinds of bread to choose from, including the bread I made myself last night. Oh bread. How DO people give it up? Staff of life, my friends. Staff of life. When I love you, I make you bread. When I dreamed that Arnold Scharzenegger was courting me the other night, I dreamed I gave him some good old American loaf white bread. The kind we used to ball up and catch bream with on tiny hooks. "Eat this," I told him. "It'll be good for your Aryan bones."
Even in my dreams I'm hysterical.
But Arnold is a Republican and so that's what I gave him to eat. Store-bought white bread and that just goes to show how much I appreciated his courtship. I tell you this- if Johnny Depp had been dream-courting me, I would have MADE him bread.

When my kids were little I used to make most of our bread. It was good, sturdy, healthy, whole wheat bread and when I didn't make our bread, I bought the really healthy kind of whole-grain bread and wouldn't you know that when we went to visit my mother the kids would open the drawer where she kept her store-brand white bread and ripped into that stuff like it was crack?
They did. I will not lie.
"Mmmm," they would moan, their mouths stuffed full of the soft white-bread goodness. And they'd look at me with eyes of accusation. How DARE I deny them the joy of eating this sort of bread all the time?

Another hippie food I made myself was sprouts. Oh sure, yeah, I did. I had my sprouting jars and my sprouting lids and I'd soak and rinse those seeds and then let them sprout and I'd rinse them many times a day and then keep them in the refrigerator and serve them on salads. I guess. And get this- I HATED sprouts. I even admitted I hated them. But I ate them because THEY WERE GOOD FOR ME!

I heard a guy on the NPR yesterday saying that sprouts are like the number one carrier of the E.Coli bacteria. And it's not just in how the sprouts are grown. Not sloppy practices there. No, the bacteria actually resides in the seed!
Okay. No more sprouts for me. Ever.
Well, maybe in Pho and stir fry. But not raw. No, no, no. Done eatin' the sprouts. Okay, radish sprouts are pretty good. BUT NO MORE RAW ALFALFA SPROUTS!
I have scientific logic to back up this decision and I'm going to stick by it.

Jeez. The things we do because it's trendy AND good for us.

I am so over that. This year it's flax seed and last year it was walnuts and back a few decades it was wheat germ and now no one eats wheat germ because it has gluten in it and gluten is the enemy and everyone's allergic to it and fuck it. I'm going to stick with what mostly grows out of the ground and what Mr. Moon brings home in the back of a pick-up truck after he shot it and yogurt. Yogurt is good and good for you. I'm sticking to that belief. And fish. Especially if Mr. Moon caught it. Maybe tomorrow when we go out in the boat we'll get into some mullet and Mr. Moon can catch some in his net and they'll be flopping all over the boat and Owen will be yelling and we'll all be laughing hysterically and we'll bring 'em home and fry 'em up.
Oh. That would be so nice.

Mullet and cheese grits and sliced tomatoes. That's a MEAL, baby. Pass the hot sauce.

Eat locally, eat sensibly, eat close-to-the-ground. Every now and then eat a steak or a pork chop if you eat meat. If you don't, that's okay. Beans rock.

And bacon. Don't forget to eat some bacon now and then. The vegetarian's favorite meat, as I always say.

But forget the sprouts.

Michael Pollan says a good rule of thumb is not to eat anything your grandparents wouldn't recognize as food. Well my grandparents wouldn't have know what a sprout was if it bit them on the butt. But they sure as hell would recognize steak and tomatoes and green beans and potatoes and bread.

Raisin bread was their favorite.

Of course they occasionally ate Spam too so that's not probably always a good rule to follow. But you know what I'm saying.

And if you do, please explain it to me. It's Saturday night, I'm drinking beer, it's been hot as hell all day long and my lower back is a bit complainy. No organs have dropped out but I've felt a bit strange all day long. All I know for sure is the menu for tonight's supper and that I'm overdue turning on Prairie Home Companion.
So if you have any insight on what the HELL I'm saying here, please don't be shy- tell me.

I adore you. I would make you bread. I swear.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I think you're going to put a loaf out on a stick and a trigger wire attached to a great big cage, and hopefully in the morning you'll have caught yourself a Johnny Depp?

    Oh, I just bought alfalfa sprouts. I can't be the only person in Ireland eating them... can I? Now I'm scared, even though the last lot I got didn't do me any harm.

    My mother was also a bean sprout hippy, and as a small child, alfalfa with soya sauce was a TREAT. A treat, I tell you. And when I go to California and have sandwiches with sprouts and avocado and cheese and cucumber and lettuce and mustard and mayo... ughghghgh, eyes rolling*


    Scary. Beansprouts. Who would have thought. Poor Danielle has not eaten salad in a month.

  2. And Key Lime Piw? Say yes?

    You, too, are loved. Younlive your life with such zeal. Even when it involves leftovers.

  3. Jo- If you love them, eat them. If you don't, don't. I don't blame Danielle at all.

    Gradydoctor- I have two key lime pies in my refrigerator in the garage AS WE SPEAK! because that's what Hank wants for his family birthday party tomorrow. And I will whip cream to go on top of them when we come back from our river trip.
    And of course, I would make key lime pie for you.

  4. I can't believe all this bread talk, and you don't even mention how I asked you how to make it out of the blue the other night :)

    Kidding. No bread-making for me for awhile, I assume.

  5. I used to grind the wheat berries to make bread!!!! Jeez!!!! Dude!!!! I did. And I made yogurt.

    I still make bread because it is the most delicious food in the world and fresh bread in the oven smells better than cinnamon or baked beans in molasses or baby breath.

    I would make ANYTHING for Johnny Depp, anything. I would lick his toes. (if he let me) And I'm a lesbian.

  6. SJ- Oh honey. Just go for it. It'll be wonderful.

    Beth Coyote- Well, some humans are just yummalicious. Johnny Depp is one of those people. I would lick Wanda Sykes's toes. And I'm "straight." I used to make yogurt too! Of course I did.

  7. Oh Miss Moon, my contented "I'm reading Miss Moon's blog" smile broke into an out-right guffaw when I read "No organs have dropped out..."

    Have a blessed, bitchin' evening. Thanks for making mine brighter. :D

  8. So... where's my bread? :-P tee hee! I have just finished the last of the killer tomatoes (You know they made a movie about those beauties!) and we are still working on the beans. Savoring every luscious morsel.

    I think what you're trying to say is to not follow fad when it comes to food. Eat good solid foods... eat what's in season, because it's probably what your body fact you have reminded me of Dr. Dennis Leary's "No Cure for Cancer" bit! Anyway, it was and is hot and you drink that beer and babble away.

    I'm so sorry you were courted by that asshole in your dream as opposed to Mr. Dreamboat Depp. Bread is life. Ask any Catholic, they'll tell ya. (couldn't resist that one!)

    Ok, I smell and need a shower.

  9. All this e coli news is very disconcerting. I don't grow enough lettuce to meet my own needs, just enough to feel a little smug!
    They better not find out anything bad about flax seed and I still put wheat germ and wheat bran in my pancakes, it makes me feel a little smug too!
    It scares the shit out of me to think of all the fake foods and artificial flavors and colors I ate as a better living through chemistry child of the 60's. Hoping for lucky health, I am. As are we all.
    I would make bread for you too, but I think best of all would be to make bread with you.

  10. I had a creeptastic dream about Arnold once too, and woke up thinking "WTF?"--but then, he probably seemed better than the toad I was married to at the time.

    And I remember when wheat grass juice was the trend. Ever drink that stuff? I might as well puree the lawn clippings--and having seen what my dogs do after eating grass, I should have known what I'd do immediately. And yet, because some earnest kid at the health food store promised its graces, I tried it a few more times.

    And when my mom was here she bought Jonah Wonder Bread and it is like crack to him. Well, better than real crack, I suppose. And bread and tomatoes and grits sound awfully good. Happy Saturday, Ms. Moon.

  11. I've decided bread is over my head :) I'm planning my meals for the week though -- tonight I made baked fish, mac and cheese (two percent) and snapped green beans. Done. It's all I can do.

  12. Yeah, I used to make bread, yogurt, granola, sprouts. And cowboy shirts.
    And crocheted hats. And macrame. And embroidered patches. And quilts and jams and tortillas, and I had a garden. And I had all the time in the world for rock and roll and reading and walks on the beach and riding horses. Shit. Where did that go?

  13. I wonder what rat, racoon, bear, etc. crapped to cause the E. coli outbreak. I have some natural defenses against human E. coli, but not that of other mammals.

  14. First of all, I think there is something about homemade bread. Something in the way the yeast makes it rise and the way it smells when you pull it out of the oven and something about that first slice with melted butter and homemade blackberry jam (which is the way I like it) that is akin to a boost in endorphins. I wish that instead of prescribing anti-depressants, doctors could prescribe hot, fresh homemade bread because I swear it would have the same effect. This coming from someone who loves homemade bread and has taken anti-depressants.

    Secondly, I read a book in which the author said that you shouldn't eat anything that has ingredients you can't pronounce, and I've been trying to follow that rule the best I can. But every once in a while I need s'mores, and what can you do.

  15. Once I dreamed my mother was trying to drown me in a swimming pool and Arnold saved me. This was years ago. Who knew he had this Republican superpower to appear to us in dreams?

    I make almost all my own bread and the rest of the stuff called bread I can't eat. After spending some time at the food bank I equate store bought bread with SOMETHINGS SMELLS LIKE MOLD.

    I have eaten at least a city full of sprouts in my day and never got Ecoli. I don't eat them much any more. I used to grow them too until they started carrying them in the store.

    There's nothing like a tomato sandwich on home made bread.


  16. i have some insight...

    when we were kids, we'd squirt close-up into that store-bought white bread, roll it up, and pretend it was a jelly doughnut. no lie. don't let michelle or any of my 6 million sisters tell you otherwise.

    i make ho-made, organic, whole wheat bread for my kids. they LOVE it, but if i eat it i feel full for a week and get all swimmy in my head like i've been sucking up nitrous or something. but i'd make it for johnny depp...better yet, ryan gossling. arnold would get the close-up dumplings. definitely.

    hot sauce? yes! but not on a mullet. the only mullet in my life is that on my child's head, which is transitioning to a faux-hawk for summer.

    i adore michael pollan, but i would not eat the spaghetti and ketchup which granny served her kids. blech.

    does THIS make any sense to YOU?


  17. The Spam made me chuckle.

    Jo's description of a sandwich in California is right on, and sounds like it would hit the spot right now.

    If I had the money to do so, I would hope on a plane and steal a slice of Hank's Key Lime Pie.

  18. I watched the Food Network's Unwrapped the other day, and Wonder Bread was featured in part of a segment. Wonder bread the first bread to come sliced, and it was such a big deal...and hence, the saying "better than sliced bread," came about. And it got me thinking...

    Today, almost all of our bread comes sliced...and now, the bread that does not come sliced is the special bread. My grandmother's sweet sour dough never came sliced. Leidenheimer's french bread in New Orleans is never sliced, and you tear that crispy outside, to reveal the softest inside, scattering the nice white table cloth with crumbs of various weight and density. Tiny little brown loaves, and big white loaves, dotted with asiago and fresh herbs. Pumpkin bread and banana bread. I think about how things have changed...and today, if we are talking purely bread...there are many breads MUCH better than sliced!

    I also love bread. And I think I would seriously DIE if I gave it up. The soft inside of a great bread is so wonderful...

  19. See Kate Run- Organs still intact. Glad I could make you laugh. Come back soon!

    Ms. Fleur- Exactly right on the food thing. And honey, in LLoyd we ALL need a shower. All the time.

    Mel- I still make plenty of bread. I do. As to lettuce- too hot in Florida to grow it in the summer. We can only grow in fall and winter and spring. We can never make salad with our own tomatoes and lettuce because they just don't grow at the same time. Weird, huh?

    Sara- Ha! That's funny about your mother. I tried wheat grass juice once. ONCE. Done.

    SJ- Sounds very, very good to me.

    A- I don't know but it's all gone for me too. We were busy little hippies, weren't we?

    Syd- I don't know but something sure crapped somewhere.

    G- Hello, hello! I'm glad you're here! I, too, believe in bread from the oven and especially with blackberry jam. Come back soon. Anytime!

    Madame Radish King- Maybe in a parallel universe Arnold really is a good guy. Who knows? Not me. Yeah, I've eaten my share of sprouts. Someone else can have them now. I'd love to trade bread with you. That would be awesome.

    Adrienne- YES! That made a lot of sense to me. Your "6 million sisters" cracked me up. My granny was big on the bottled French dressing. Maybe we should go back to our great grandparents for the food thing.
    Love you, dear.
    And no, don't put hot sauce on a child's head. Bad idea.

    Stephanie- I, too, love those California sandwiches. Who wouldn't?

    BMelons- Sigh. I so agree.

  20. ahrh ahrg ahrg...i LOVE sprouds..and salads...:-(((((( since i was a baby i havent had salad in such a long time..usually i eat it every day...for the first time in my life now i eat veggys and tomatos out of cans..sigh*

    for salad i totally would hunt you down johnny deep AND vanessa paradise as free extra..i swear...especially if you put some home made bread on teh side^^

  21. I loved this. I would so make you bread, Ms. Moon! :)

  22. Your kids and I have something in common - my mom made bread as we were growing up. And goodness what I would have done to have a loaf of wonder bread in our house just one time. We didn't get orange cheese either - even our cheddar was white. Thought I was deprived at the time too!

  23. Pieces of me- Danielle, I would make you bread ANY TIME!

    Nicol- And I would eat it.
    With great joy.

    Jill- Funny. Just today I told May that I love Cheez Whiz. She said, "Really?" Which just goes to show how I've hid my basest desires so well.

  24. I made most of our bread when the kids were little. It's the smell when it's baking in the oven that does it for me and the crunch of the crust (once I figured out how to do it right) when it first comes out of the oven. They scarfed it down at home, but longed for "ordinary bread" for their school sandwiches.

    Just started making yogurt again. With the pilot light in my old gas oven it is a cinch and the second batch turned out so goood.

    I'd make yogurt for you if you'd make a key lime pie.
    Love y'all, too! N2

  25. ah you are the best:-))

    you know i totally would eat your bread anytime:-)))) stuff of life yes?:-)

  26. N2- Done deal!

    Danielle- You make a girl blush.

  27. I would happily eat any bread you made. I hate the yogurt though. HATE IT. A friend i worked with, years ago, used to make me take a bite of her yogurt, just to laugh at the face I made. The only yogurt I will remotely touch is Greek. It tastes more like sour cream, which I love.

    I love you MORE than sour cream though. Be assured of that shit.

  28. I love yogurt and bacon and pork chops and steak and bread!! I only really buy low GI multiseed bread but I LOVE white bread. I can't stand alfalfa sprouts they're like eating spiders and they taste horrible, but I used to eat them anyway because they're supposed to be good for me. Not any more!

    I love your posts like this, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about at all times. I absolutely adore you xx


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