Sunday, June 12, 2011

And You Thought The Gas Prices Were Bad

We stopped on our way down to the river at our traditional convenience store place and while I was in the truck with sleeping Owen as everyone else went in to pee and buy whatever it was they were buying, I noticed the sign you see above.
I should have taken a picture of the other sign which said, "Coffee and a doughnut, only $149."
Yeah, yeah, someone left out the decimals, obviously, but that shit just cracked me up.

Man, it was chaos around here, getting on the road. Towels and food and drinks and sun screen and stuff and stuff and stuff. People everywhere and Owen running around like a miniature Ghenghis Khan throwing miniature fits because he was already sleepy. He demanded to go in the truck and so he drove down with us and everyone else rode in Lily's van.
Hank, May, Lily, Taylor, Anna, and Matt.
We just met Matt today. He's a fine young man.
Of course Owen fell asleep about five miles down the road after yelling "May-May!" like Marlon Brando yelling "Stella!" in Streetcar Named Desire. Owen's passion for May is not waning in the least, to say the least.

May is his love, his joy, his adored one. I bet he said, "May!" at least five hundred times today. And May- sweet May- she not only answered all his calls, she also did the dishes.
You can't beat that girl for sweetness.

Instead of going up the river we went out into the Gulf to a sandbar where there were a lot of other people, all anchored up. It was sort of like a small version of a yearly event they have down at Dog Island called The White Trash Bash. Kids and dogs and the boat nearest to us had a grill that bolted on to the side of the boat and they were cooking hamburgers. Smelled pretty tasty, too.

It was very easy and relaxing because we could stand in the water and there were no real waves and the water was warm but not cloying and it was just refreshing as all get-out. We paddled around and picked up little shells with our toes and examined the hermit crabs and it was pretty perfect. We even ate watermelon in the water which may be the most incredibly refreshing activity on earth.

We came on home after that and I discovered that in my haste to put everything away yesterday I'd stowed the living hydroponic lettuce in the freezer instead of the refrigerator. Okay. I'm a moron. So Lily picked some more lettuce up on her way to get Jason and all was well. Taylor peeled eggs and sliced cucumbers and I chopped red pepper and tomato and onions and havarti cheese and made up the Traditional Pink Goop which goes on the salad. Traditional Pink Goop, which is very good on crab claws too, is made by mixing Heinz Chili Sauce and mayonnaise until a lovely deep pink color is achieved.
Gourmet? You bet.

We all ate and then Owen decorated one of the pies for Hank. I think this is becoming another birthday tradition.
It's hard to decorate a pie, y'all.

Whatever. Candles are lit, wishes are made. Pie is eaten.

And so it was a successful birthday. Everyone got too much sun and probably too much food but not THAT much too much. We are all about the color of The Traditional Pink Goop now and that's not so bad.

Oh. Fox news.
Not Fox News. But Fox news. When we pulled in, the fox was standing in front of the garage and he just stood there and looked at us. It was like three-thirty in the afternoon.
Healthy foxes do not come out during the day and they do not stand there and stare at you. They run like hell when they see humans.
And so.
Mr. Fox is gone now. He was mangy and skinny and looked like hell and now he's not going to have to suffer starving to death or dying of whatever he had, because he was obviously ill. In a way, I will miss him because it's something to see a wild animal in your yard but there was something very wrong with this one and if he had rabies, he would have been a threat to my grandson. And he was terrorizing our chickens and ate Miss Shalayla and got some of the neighbor's chickens and now he won't.

So. That's it.

Tomorrow Owen is coming and also, Mr. Moon will be moving my mother to her new home. I'll go help in the afternoon to get her settled in. This is not going to be an easy day but it's going to be such an incredible relief when it's all done. When she is there with the things she needs and has everything arranged the way she likes it.
After all the worrying and planning and consoling and comforting and encouraging, it will be done. Oh, sure. There will still be some of those things to do and maybe forever but the great hurdle will have been jumped.

I keep thinking of how much my mother always loved camp and living in a dorm and always spoke of those times as the happiest in her life and I am hoping that living in her new home will remind her of that. She is a very social person and always has been. Perhaps this will turn out to be one of the best things she ever did. It is necessary but it is not necessarily an evil. If she can learn to accept that she needs help, it will be so very good. She told Mr. Moon the other day that she just wanted to stay in her house and if she can't get food then all the better- she'll just die quicker.
She also said that we're sending her to prison- they give you three meals a day there, just like prison.

And one wonders where I get my sense of drama.

It is such a beautiful, friendly place where she's going, and that fruit bowl is always full. The freezer is filled with ice-cream treats and there is cable and there are Tai Chi lessons and bird watching and water aerobics and yes, three meals a day and food any time if you're hungry between meals and she can come and go as she pleases.

So. It may be prison but it's a mighty nice one. And I'm hoping that once she's there and settled in, she'll realize that the mighty struggle she's had to put up to pretend that all is well will be ended. That she can let others help and she can play cards all day long if she wants. She may even find herself helping others who are not as able as she. She would like that, I think.

Well. Only time will tell.

The day started in chaos and in chaos it continued but it was a controlled chaos and tomorrow will hardly be much different. Tiny Genghis Khan will be back, roaming the rooms and hallways, crying out piteously for his beloved May-May and having to settle for his old Mer-Mer. Glen and possibly Hank will be moving Mother's life-possessions to a new home and she will cry and she will fight and she will hate us all. And then I'll go over there and try to calm her down, help her with whatever she needs, promise her that if they don't have the Charmin there, I'll go out and get her some.

And the river will still be flowing and the Gulf will still be rocking in gentle waves and the chickens will be unmolested and the trees will draw their leaves in on themselves as the heat and drought threaten them and all over the world people will be having suffering silent sorrows or great jubilations and that Weiner Guy will be going to rehab for...what? Assholes?

Hi. My name is Anthony. I'm a complete and utter asshole.

Hi, Anthony. We're all assholes too.

Ah. We could all use a 12-step program for assholiness at one point or another. Speaking for myself, at least, although I am not cutting him any slack on this. What a...Weiner. You can't make this shit up.

But honestly, pictures of his dick don't mean dick to me. I have so much else to worry about, to care about, to think about, to get upset or worried about. But still...what an asshat.

Let's all get some good sleep tonight, okay, y'all? Because tomorrow is Monday and we'll have acres to plow, rows to hoe, beds to make and laundry to do.
At the very least.

And in my next lifetime, I may be a hermit crab. If I am lucky.

Sweet dreams...Ms. Moon


  1. I think this is as good a place & time as any to mention how much I enjoy that May-Mermaid-Goddess up there. Just everything about it is wonderful.

  2. x-ray iris- I agree with you. I walk past that painting many times a day and I never don't notice it and smile.

  3. Hi Ms. Moon

    So good to hear your voice again


  4. Your sand bar spot looks a lot like our anchorage place off the island. And, yes, there are lots of hermit crabs there too.

  5. I am glad you were able to take care of the fox. You are right, it was likely sick and needed to be put out of it's misery. Sometimes these things need to be done.

  6. That fox provides such a sad image but like you say, it's best he's gone.

    I'm confident your mother like mine will get used to her new home, maybe even come to love it as does mine.

    Thanks Ms moon.

  7. For some reason, when you described the fox, I started thinking about what kind of church sign would state the fox's demise -- something funny, like those weird decimal-less ones you posted -- and then I couldn't think of anything.

    This is a weird comment, no?

    Really, what I wanted to say was you entertain me, no matter what. And if you come back as a hermit crab, I'd like to come back as one of the shells you live inside for a bit before moving on.

  8. Sounds like another lovely Moon Birth Day. Happy belated wishes to Hank for a good year. Hope the mother move goes well and that she settles in nicely. x0 N2

  9. What a day of fullness. And tomorrow, huge, for your mother at least. May it be as ease-full as possible for all.

  10. MAY-MAYYYY!!!

    bahahahah, that was hilarious :)

    Glad the fox problem is over. And that you all had a good one.

  11. "12 step program for assholiness?"

    Just spit coffee all over table.

    And. Even the sight of that Key Lime Pie made my day.

  12. DTG- It really was a good one. The water was so nice, wasn't it?

    Michelle- And yours! I miss you so much.

    Syd- For some reason, I just love hermit crabs.

    Birdie- Bless his fox heart. I know.

    Elisabeth- Oh, I hope so! And thank YOU.

    Elizabeth- "Stay healthy or Glen God will shoot your ass!"
    No. If I am a hermit crab, you would be my sister hermit crab and we could go house-hunting together when our asses got to big for our current shell accommodations.

    N2- Oh, thank-you. I hope so too.

    A- I think there is no way it will be easy. If it can just be okay, that will be fine.

    Jo- Rockin' the pies. Ha! And yes, Owen is just hysterical in his adoration.

    Gradydoctor- That pie was pretty decent. Wish you could have had a piece.

  13. mary moon,
    i just love your writing
    you mostly crack me up
    and touch my soft gramma heart with stories of owen.
    i am a christian, but so what.
    your not, but so what.
    id never want to shove my beliefs on someone else.
    this is america
    land of the free
    you write so beautifully
    and im just gonna keep on readin and enjoying.
    from one granny to another.

  14. Hey, I was out there near the bar too. I was with a friend in his new skiff and we were scouting inshore spots as I said, "oh, and that's the weekend party shoal, or a good place to clean your bottom (of the boat)."

    That poor fox was wishin' somebody would send him on his way and figured your house would do it respectfully.

  15. I get Mom's preference for her own particular brand of buttwipe. Some things are just not negotiable.

    Hang in there.

  16. Sounds like a glorious day out on the water.

    I agree that poor fox just didn't seem right. It is a blessing he is out of his misery.

  17. Your day sounds lovely. And the food and the Traditional Pink Gloop.

    You are right about everything of course and please don't come back as a hermit crab, can you just come back again as you? xx


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