Friday, June 10, 2011
Giving Birth Day
Good morning, good morning and you know how I hate holidays but my children's birthdays are high and holy holidays for me, good ones, the best ones.
I am thrown right back to the moments when I first held them in my arms after that every-time-not-to-be-believed agony of labor, that final moment when my body opened completely and every power I had, known and unknown, came together to push that child into life.
And then, that transcendent millisecond when the pain was simply gone and the child was in my arms (one of the many wonderful things about home birth) and just like that...
I was different, the world was different, there was another life on this earth and I had made that happen and my heart broke and shattered and reformed and a baby cried and was taken to breast and there was so much joy that I cannot even begin to tell you.
This is a good thing to remember. We slog through our days, we have good moments, we have ecstatic moments, we have despairing and fearing and horrible moments but there are no moments like those in which we held our babies for the first time. Those of us who have given birth know this and although we know we are not special for having given birth, we know we are blessed.
I wrote about Hank's birth here.
That was four years ago.
Three years ago I wrote this.
And today I am writing this, on this good morning in Lloyd, Florida and I am thinking back to that young hippie woman whose world, after twenty-eight hours of labor (what a slow baby-haver I am!) was completely changed, rearranged, and I knew for the first time what love truly was and here we are, all these years later and Hank is my good man-son, still my baby, the man who sat up all night and kept watch as his sister gave birth to his nephew, my grandson, who brings that boy tattoos for his arms, who calls me when he's worried about me, who tells me he loves me, who is stronger than any man I've ever known and tender and loving and kind and fierce and able and so damn smart.
We call him our "go to guy for your immediate information needs," and at least once a week, one of us calls him to ask about some arcane bit of information and he always knows it or can get back with us with the answer in seconds.
Happy Birthday, Hank. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for everything you are and will be and I know that this year is going to be one of change and flux, but I also know that you are going to make that into something amazingly good. Because that's the way you are. Amazingly good and a power for love and courage and humor and joy on this earth.
All of my love...Your mother