Monday, February 13, 2023

I See The Light!


That is how blue the sky has been today. And the light was somehow more pure than I can ever remember seeing it. When I got up and went into my bathroom and saw what it looked like streaming through the yellow silk cloth I have hanging as a curtain in an east window, I was gobsmacked. It was a golden magnificence! 

I went to Costco and Publix after my walk today. The whole main purpose of my trip was to get some chicken pot pies because I am having a "procedure" done tomorrow and you know how I do love a medical excuse to eat a chicken pot pie. I'm getting a new crown. This appointment has been put off three separate times and all for good reasons and I really have to finally get it done. 
I suppose. 
And I also suppose I can pick up some chicken pot pies on my way home because of course I FORGOT TO BUY THE CHICKEN POT PIES today. My god, my brain is turning into some sort of gloop. I had not put them on my list because my reason for going to the store was to get them and how hard is it to remember that factoid? 

Well, obviously too hard for me. 

I could probably manage to make a chicken pot pie when I get home tomorrow. It's just a crown, not a heart transplant. 

Thank goodness I have not yet begun to lose my ability to cook. 

Here's what the light looked like this afternoon as seen through a newborn fig leaf.


I was outside, just wandering around when that caught my eye. Jewels everywhere! 
I picked some wild violets and a tiny amount of hen bit and made a miniature flower arrangement in a minuscule bottle I found in the yard. I took its picture with some other things I've found in this yard. You have seen them before. 



I do love the little streaks of purple leading into the sweetest part of the violet. I think of them as directional instruction for the bees. 

"This way, this way! Here you go! Oh, yes. Now you have it! Come on in and sip a bit. Be sure to take a grain or two of pollen when you leave." 

I was probably in the seventh grade when I first realized that I was surrounded by miniature orchids and roses and flowers of all kinds that I had been ignoring my entire life, not even seeing them hidden in the grass. We were living in a rental house in Winter Haven- the last house my stepfather abused me in. Yeah, that's a weird detail but it's an important one. I was already learning to seek out things just for me that helped me to focus on something besides fear and anxiety. I had my wooden (I am not kidding you) radio with the Bakelite knobs that I listened to the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys on. They carried me to other places, safer spaces. And I started making the tiny bouquets that I would set on my bookshelf that brought me huge pleasure. 
And they still do. 
And of course, I still love the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys. 

Well. Here I am, eternally grateful for eternally sweet gifts. 

Hey! Happy almost Valentine's Day! I might get a gold crown just to mark the occasion tomorrow. We shall see.

Love...Ms. Moon






27 comments:

  1. That light and those very significant flowers. You saved yourself with such imagination. It's one side so sad, one side beautiful survival.

    What is it about chicken pot pies? It's become a theme!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for understanding.
      Chicken pot pie is my ultimate comfort food.

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  2. The first several times I read you were getting a crown tomorrow, I read it as "gold crown tomorrow." I had to go back and reread for the correct words, and still I saw gold crown. I was so relieved on finally getting it right, and plowed on with reading the story, only to come out to a gold crown to mark Valentine's Day tomorrow. No, please. Be joking.

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    1. I did not choose gold. But I would have if it hadn't been so damn expensive!

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  3. OMG..ROFL that you went shopping to buy chicken pot pies and then forgot them? WTH? Really? But....if I were having a crown procedure tomorrow....my brain would be worthless with high anxiety....and wondering just *how much* Xanax I could safely take prior to said procedure. I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow.......as I, on this end of the country, will stay home to wait for the AT&T service person to come (after 3 attempts).....to repair our phone land line, which has been down for one week. Bastards! Somehow....there is never any *record* of the scheduled repair visits. We can only hope. And will we get a refund of a week of dead line? Of course not. I'd have a Martini tonight if I were you! Heck, I might have one myself! LOL
    Susan M

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  4. really? you went to get pot pies and forgot them? ROFL! If I were getting a crown tomorrow....all I could think about is how much Xanax I could safely take prior. I keep you in my thoughts and know you will come out with a new tooth......gold? perhaps? And lovely nosegay with those pristine violets
    Susan M

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    Replies
    1. I probably should have taken at least half an Ativan. Jeez.

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  5. My dental appointment is at 10:30. Your phobia about doctors? I'm just like that about dentists. I'm a wreck.

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  6. What a beautiful, miniature bouquet. It's so amazing when I look down, what I see, a world of miniature beauty sometimes. I especially love the tiny, glass bottle. I have a thing for glass.
    I just finished reading a book which made me cry and cry and then I started thinking about other things and cried some more, not out of sadness, not all of it, anyway, but also out of love.
    It's the anniversary of my father's death tomorrow and I'm only now beginning to understand and forgive him and to love him. He was a difficult man and I seem to have a fondness for difficult men. Or maybe I need to keep doing this until I get it right. Who knows?
    I disgress, I cried so much my nose is too stuffed up to sleep so I'm here, reading your lovely words and looking at your flowers and I thank you Mary.

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    1. Oh, sweet lady! I loved what you wrote today about your dad. You certainly took all of your feelings and made something beautiful. I bet it's taken a lake-full of tears to reach this point in your mind and heart with your feelings for your father.
      Isn't it funny how when you start crying, the tears for EVERYTHING just wait their turns?

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  7. Yes, treat yourself to a gold crown. The mini flower arrangement is so pretty and I have a couple of those tiny glass bottles myself, so I may just copy your idea some day. I have baby fig leaves here too, a twig I stuck in a pot three years ago finally sprouted this year. I'd forgotten it was even there, hiding in amongst other things.
    I have been to the shop several times for specific things and come home without them, so now I make sure to write everything on the list.

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    Replies
    1. I could not rationalize the gold crown. Dammit.
      I love those little bottles so much.
      Hurray for your feisty fig! That's wonderful.
      Thank god for lists. Now we just have to remember to put everything on them.

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  8. A six yar old friend of mine calls henbit Flamingo Flower, so now I do too. What pizzazz it has. That bouquet is exquisite, and quite a story behind it. That fig leaf is exquisite as well.

    Good luck tomorrow!

    Chris from Boise

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  9. I do hope your gold crown visit goes well. I eventually have to get one of those -- if you are doing it, so will I. And I love the little posy -- is that the word? -- that you've created. And the fig leaf with the sun streaming through it! My god! The world IS wondrous.

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    1. Yes- they used to call those posies! I sort of wish I'd named a daughter "Posy".
      Get your crown if you need it. Teeth just will wear out.

      Delete
  10. Flowers bring beauty and comfort. You do a good job of cherishing them and sharing their beauty with us.
    Happy Valentine's Day, Mary!

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    1. Flowers make me so happy. All different kinds.

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  11. the yellow in your little arrangement is corydalis. what a sweet little bouquet. overcast but some sun is coming through and very windy here today but I don't care because it isn't the inside of a hospital room! my brain is mush. words I knew 10 seconds ago can't be dragged up.

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    1. "Corydalis". What a pretty name!
      I know you will be so glad to see that hospital in your rear view mirror.
      I get that mush mind too. Same way. "What the fuck is that word?"

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  12. Hope the crown procedure goes smoothly. (I'm sure it will!) I love your little bouquet and that fig leaf. The world is full of wonders.

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  13. Happy lovey-dovey day! I made chicken casserole this weekend and forgot to put the chicken in. I ate a whole serving: noodles with creamed soup, melted cheese, peas, and NO chicken. Only after I finished eating did it dawn on me that I left the g.d. chicken out.

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  14. Oh Jill. That makes me feel so much better! Thank you!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.