Friday, December 27, 2019

Owen's Education Continues

Well, I screwed the pooch this evening.
Mr. Moon called me to tell me that he was with Jason and Owen and they were going to come to the house and get the trailer and go pick up Lily's van to take to someone in Havana (Florida, not Cuba) for repairs. This was about 4:30 this afternoon and I knew that meant he would NOT be around for martini hour and who knew when supper should be ready.
Projects like this take approximately eighteen times more time than you think they'll take.
And effort but that's not my problem.
Anyway, Mr. Moon needs a new phone. It only works on speaker for the phone part of it (remember when we bought phones to call and talk to people?) and I, forgetting this despite the fact that just yesterday when he called me he said, "And don't cuss because I'm on speaker phone," responded to his plan with the words, "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"
And Mr. Moon said, "Uh, your grandson is right here."

Oh dear.

Yes. I cuss like a sailor. I have a terrible case of potty mouth. I swear and I profane and I take god's name in vain and I like it! But I try so hard not to do it in front of my grandkids and I have been pretty successful with that for the most part.

So I apologized, on speaker phone, and to be quite honest I didn't feel that bad about it. It had to come to light at some point that Mermer's favorite word is fuck in all of its glorious forms and usages.
A little while later I was in the kitchen down on the floor, trying to sort through and rearrange my pots and pans cabinet to make room for my new glorious Le Creuset when Owen came through the kitchen door, grinning at me.
"I'm sorry," I said. "But the truth is, I have a terribly filthy mouth."
He just laughed. And when I stood up he hugged me tight.
His other grandmother is a good Christian church-going woman so she can be the good example. I'll be the bad.

The rest of the day has been fine as could be. Took a walk, went to town, returned some earrings that Mr. Moon gave me for Christmas because although they are beautiful they are not me at all. He was cool with that. He really did go overboard this year in a big way. I looked all around the  jewelry store and it's a beautiful establishment with very fine pieces of all descriptions but what I decided to do was to get a gold chain that I could put a small diamond pendant on that he gave me twenty-five years ago. It had a chain of course but in the last few years it has become too small. Not only have I grown fat, I have also inherited the puff adder neck of my people. So I haven't worn the pretty diamond in years and I have been wanting to.
So- perfect!
Practically practical!

And then I went to a different Publix, not my own, which is more like a city than the little village Publix I usually go to and so that was an experience and then I came home and did all of my household chores and have made room for all of the pots and pans in my cabinet.

And...I just got a phone call from my husband. The plan has changed! He is now going to come home and take the van to Havana tomorrow.
I could not be more pleased.

He just pulled up in the driveway. Friday night shall resume as usual.
How I love my routines. In fact, I fucking LOVE my routines.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon




28 comments:

  1. it is the greatest word, i use it , or try to, in every sentence- mostly to desensitize the sensitive but also because it is the best word for all occasions, all moods, and all pretensions. Good idea for the diamond and chain. I may be part of your tribe...the neck thing, wider and stronger to hold thine mighty crown.

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    1. All purpose word. Suitable for most occasions.
      I do have a big head. I mean, physically.

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  2. best they learn them at home girl!

    xxalainaxx

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    1. Too true. I suppose it takes the glamor out of cursing when your grandmother does it.

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  3. You cannot see me but I laughed so hard I nearly fell over...Have a good night and enjoy your libation.

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  4. I also laughed, but actually it was more of a snort... I too have a well developed potty mouth for which I have no shame. Maybe when/if I have grandbabies..? My mom still tries to shush my naughty words sometimes. When my younger son said "Oh fuck, mom" at me for dropping my share of a heavy load, I knew my prim years were over!

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    1. As soon as my kids reached the age of eighteen I just gave up on prim.

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    2. I think he was nine at the time and his fingers were squished, so who can blame him?!

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  5. I swear a lot and I enjoy it a lot. I look like a nice lady and now I look like a nice old granny, with a potty mouth. My goal is to live long enough to tell a nice young doctor, "I'm just fucking with ya."

    I'm sure Owen has heard that particular swear already in his lifetime.

    I tried to open the pasta maker yesterday but I didn't have the energy. It has parts, parts that need to be kept track of and I just can't do that right now.

    I'm glad he made it home for supper. I actually got out to the dog park today and walked the dog, felt better for it too.

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    1. Oh, I know Owen's heard it. I sure have a lot of readers who love to cuss as much as I do which delights me!
      I completely understand about the pasta maker. Girl, you should just take it back. Or would that hurt your guy's feelings too much? Such sensitive flowers our fellows can be.
      Glad you got a little walk.

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  6. Hahaha! I laughed so hard at this. Speaking of swearing, I've noticed lately that when I leave work in the afternoon I immediately get a potty mouth on the drive home. Everything is "Fuck this" and "Fuck that" and my current favorite, "Where the fuck did you learn to drive, idiot?!" I realized I was doing it AGAIN the other day and after I thought about it for a while I decided it must be a reaction to working in the school office and talking to approximately 1000 people each day and having to be super friendly and polite to them all as part of my job. Everything is "Sir" and "Ma'am" (Sweetie and Sweetheart if it's a child) and smiling and acting professional even with irate parents and stressed out staff. When I leave I seem to psychologically bust loose and get out all my frustration by swearing at other drivers (or NPR news on the radio when 45 has done something especially egregious) but I do feel a little silly about it. :)

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    1. I would certainly have to curse twice as much as I already do if I worked in a job at a school where I had to be polite and respectful of everyone. So I get it. Don't feel silly. Studies keep showing that swearing is good for us.

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  7. let all us ladies that fucking swear like sailors stand up and be proud! it still amazes me that some people are shocked by that word. it's such a useful glorious word. and I imagine it will creep into Owen's vocabulary sooner rather than later. he has such a good role model!

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    1. I am a good role model, aren't I? (Blush, blush.)
      Ha!
      But like you, I'm proud of my mouth although I know I've put a few people off. One of my criteria for whether I think someone can be my friend is if I can say the word "fuck" in conversation with them. If so, signs point to yes.

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  8. I love this :) I cuss like a sailor too.

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  9. I never used to swear because I just didn't like it, but being married to a covert narc for 26 years changed all that!!! He would get me so mad I would be beside myself with anger trying to spit out words bad enough that would make his hair curl. I'm divorced now and have toned it right back down again but I still say it more than I care to. It does have a certain satisfactory ring to it though doesn't it! My friend made me laugh many years ago though. He is married to a Spanish lady and told me he realized he was swearing too much when one day he was trying to put some lights up and it just wasn't happening, so his little girl - about 3-4 years old - said "oh daddy are the fuckin' luzes not working"? Said his wife nearly killed him!

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  10. I have a filthy mouth too, and have given up trying to hide it and told my children that I don't care about curse words (at home and amongst family) - that it's hate words that are the bad ones. (f*ggot, etc)

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    1. Yes. You are right- there are some words that we just don't say. We each have our own but the one you cited is definitely one of them.

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  11. Mary, fuck is a very innocent word. You can go here to read about it's origin. https://www.etymonline.com/search?page=1&q=fuck I was going to include all the history and quotes but it is way too long. It amuses me a lot to read what really happened to make it a bad word, In that regard I will share this brief snippet,
    "Fuck was outlawed in print in England (by the Obscene Publications Act, 1857) and the U.S. (by the Comstock Act, 1873). The word continued in common speech, however."
    Both of those laws were heavily steeped in religion. Go figure. What the fuck else would you expect?
    :)

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  12. What a great article! I love "fukkit."
    Yeah. Fucking religion. It fucking ruins everyfuckingthing it can.
    Thanks for the research!

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  13. Perhaps Owen's English teacher will give him a creative writing assignment in which he has to replicate the authentic voice of his grandmother. After Owen hands the work in, the school principal will surely ask to see him for a little chat.

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    1. We can only hope! And of course, his principal will want to congratulate Owen on his superb writing skills.

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  14. Yay, routines! Hope you enjoy the new chain. It will be nice to wear that pendant again.

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