I have not taken one picture today so I will give you this memory of when August was a much younger man.
He really still looks exactly the same except that his hair isn't as blond and his legs and arms sure are a lot longer. Look at those darling little feet in those darling little shoes.
Just told my husband that I feel a thousand years old this evening. "That's too old for me," he said, which I am sure was a joke and he was trying to be funny but tears sprang to my eyes and I said, "It's too damn old for me, too."
This weather is wearing on me. I know I have no right to complain but it's just the truth and the fact that many others are suffering from it even more than I am does not help me in the least. I always say that someone else's cancer is not going to cure my broken leg and it's not, but there are many among us who, comparing their plights to the plights of others, make light of their own which always sounds like bullshit to me or at least some sort of weird virtue signaling. It's right up there with "God doesn't give us burdens that are too heavy for us to carry."
I would beg to differ if I believed in God.
It could be that I am just testy from this heat. I was planning on taking a walk this morning. I had it scheduled in but before I did that I took the laundry out to hang on the line and just doing that made me feel like I was dying so I didn't. Go on a walk, that is. I didn't die either.
But because I had not suffered sufficiently, I decided to pick up a bunch of dead, downed branches and haul them to the burn pile and take out the compost and hang out another load of clothes.
And that was enough suffering for anyone, even a good Catholic. I am not remotely Catholic or good so I called off any other outdoor activities for the day.
I did need to go to town and run some errands. I planned to go to the branch library on my side of town and pick up a prescription and go to Publix and go to Costco. Well, the branch library is closed on Mondays and I should know that and I probably have known that in the past but I had forgotten it just like I'm forgetting everything these days. I went and picked up my prescription and the woman in front of me was...well, interesting. Being in such a testy mood I sort of wanted to smack her for no real reason except that although she was no spring chicken at all, she was wearing denim shorts that were too big for her and she had to keep pulling them up and she kept talking about her cats and LODGED A COMPLAINT that the pharmacy did not have any products for cats although it was a sort of jokey complaint. She also told me that her only real worry in life is that she will die and there will be no one to take her cats. Now this was worrisome in several ways- one, did she have no friends? Two, has she had a terminal diagnosis?
This might explain the shorts situation and I really needed to use my "understander" and try to be more empathetic. I asked her if she really didn't have anyone to take care of her cats and she said that no, she did not. Not family or friends. Also, her cats are very, very shy. They only want to be around her.
Bless her heart. But I did not offer to give her my number and promise to take care of her cats if she dies. I just said, "Well, good-luck," and away I went.
Now see- this is one of those situations that I should look at and think, "Well. I am so blessed to have family AND friends who would not only take my cats if I died, but would be there for me when I was dying so I have nothing to complain about."
You know I didn't. Well, I sort of did and still do but I am being bitchy and mean today so I am thinking that we all have DIFFERENT problems and there's that.
I remember once I was at lunch with Kathleen and we ran into my old yoga teacher. I asked her how she was doing and she said she was still having back problems which she chronically did, and then she said, "But at least I don't have cancer!" which Kathleen did have and the yoga teacher knew it.
Also, she was a good Catholic girl. Woman. Whatever.
Nothing that I've written here tonight has any redeeming value. Is that stopping me?
No. No it is not.
I decided at that point to take myself to the Pitaria as it was after 1:30 and I got what I always get which is a veggie platter and it was so beautiful, as usual, and I brought half of it home for tomorrow's lunch, also as usual. I thought about taking a picture and I guess I should have. Two other women were there, all of us eating our solo lunches and probably all of us happy to be doing so. Then on to Publix where I got way more stuff than I thought I would and by any measure I should not have to return for over a week but you know how that goes. By this time I was done, done, DONE with it all and decided Costco could wait for another day. Fuck it. Also, clouds were building to the east and my clothes were still on the line.
As I write this, the groceries are all put away, the laundry is too. It has rained about fifty raindrops which is better than no raindrops. Mr. Moon spent an hour or more on the phone with Century Link, our internet provider and as he said when he got off the phone, "All you need is money!" and supposedly, after we give them more money, our internet connection will be faster than ever before which is a low bar.
I admire my husband so much in that he is incredibly persistent, does not lose his temper in these situations, but is always calm and polite and asks the right questions and he does the math so that we are not being herded into something we neither want nor need.
I would have been weeping if I'd been the one on the phone. "I'm just a poor old grandma who wants to be able to write her blog and use her AOL account!" I would be saying.
And they would laugh and laugh.
Here comes another fifty raindrops. I will try to be cheerier tomorrow.
Love...Ms. Moon
You have a good way of expressing thoughts that I also think ALL OF THE TIME but never say out loud! Ha!
ReplyDeleteI have a birthday this week and I'm just mentioning it because it all makes me feel SO OLD! Shit and damn it!
I hope you feel less bitchy tomorrow but always stay feisty, Mary! I love it!
Well happy birthday, honey! We can't stop the birthdays so we might as well celebrate them.
DeleteI do not feel so feisty today. Sigh.
Shit, piss, fuck! That's what I say when stuff like that happens to me. Some days are just like that.
ReplyDeleteWe went to visit my husband's father this morning. The poor man still hasn't died but my sister in law was there. My husband has told me what a horrible person she is but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I was touching my father in law, checking to make sure his clysis site for his morphine was properly bandaged (two days ago it wasn't even in the poor man). My sister in law told me to stop touching my father or I'll have you removed! I looked at her and said, "Wow, you really are a bitch. I'm not putting up with this shit." and left. I found a quiet place outside to sit and cry until my husband was ready to leave. We won't be going back there, are obviously not wanted, and I might punch her in the throat if I saw her again. Not my best day. Both my hubby and I cried, me more of course, but fuck families are nasty sometimes. I thought my family was fucked up.
Well, obviously that family is fucked up in a different way and it's a hard one. I know that your father-in-law did die and I am sorry that it all had to be that way at the end. I wish I could hug you.
DeleteThe oppressive heat would make Mother Teresa testy ... and so it does for "normal" folk, too! Yes, I am calling you normal, Mary ... 🙄
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's just better if you can distance yourself from others if you can do that!
I'm turning 80 this month, so I can identify with that "feeling old" stuff!
I know. People are on edge. I've heard that when the air temperature approaches or exceeds body heat, it has an effect on humans that is not a good one. I don't know if that's true but I know that it's true that when it's hot, people get very bitchy and short-tempered.
DeleteHappy Birthday, Marcia!
The heat- adapt, get used to it, they say. nothing is going to get better in the weather dept. so...some say move north but there is no place safe as you saw from the glacier malting and drowning out a huge section of Juneau AK.
ReplyDeleteThat photo of the wee-est lad is so damned cute! Stop the clock!
One would think that after all my years in Florida I would have adapted. We have temperatures in the nineties and even upper nineties every summer but I don't think this persistently. I don't. know. I know that everyone and everything is suffering.
DeleteWasn't August a darling wee lad?
As I have said before, it's always good to read your posts because you have an amazing knack of making the mundane and the ordinary seem worth reading about. I wish that I could write with such natural intimacy.
ReplyDeleteWell, thank you, Mr. P! I appreciate those words very much.
DeleteAmen to everything.....and must say.....hub and I had a similar moment last weekend when he grabbed and hugged me and began crying and said *I just don't want us to get old*......... crap. We ARE old? at 70......... but it was cause to talk and gather our thoughts.....and love each other even more. Much as you do........ and .....we have been hot (for us) at 80s to mid 90's for past 2 weeks...and I'm SO over it.......I can't even imagine you dealing in any fashion with your temps. Rain or not.........
ReplyDeleteSusan M
PS when first saw your post today, I misread heading as *heart attack* and my stomach lurched.......glad it wasn't *that*!
DeleteSusan M
Oh, I did too and had the same reaction! Also, the heat is no joke. It makes me stabby.
DeleteOh, I am sorry I scared anyone. I should have known not to do that. Susan, in my relationship, I am the one who does the emotional thing. Glen can and does get emotional but not the way I do. But I completely relate to what he did and your reaction. And yes- we must love each other even more. For as long as we can.
DeleteI hope you feel better tomorrow, Mary. In the morning, to be precise, and not a minute later. Though I suspect the day will be as warm as today. I just checked some national weather, and yes, hot remains. Stay cool. Turn on your air.
ReplyDeleteMy air conditioner is running constantly and has been. Yes. This heat does not look to be abating anytime soon. We will get through it. Fall will be all the sweeter.
DeleteI hear you about the old thing. I get it too, as you probably guess, at this age. But seeing tiny kid feet in tiny shoes helps a lot.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree it's rubbish to claim God, or whoever, never sends more than we can bear. There are suicides to prove that's wrong.
But that's another story, not today!
"There are suicides to prove that's wrong."
DeleteDare I say, "Amen!"?
And what kind of god would test his beloved children that way? Don't get me started.
Getting older is definitely shocking, isn't it?
Hahahaha your mood reminded me that I'm normal. I too have days when I want to smack people for no real reason. Not fit for human interaction is what I say on those days.
ReplyDeleteI believe that I myself have said on occasion that I am not fit for human consumption. Same-same.
DeleteAll you need is money, ha ha, if only that were simple. anyway>in my opinion, bitchy and mean go hand in hand with blast furnace heat that no one should have to suffer though, so there's no need to apologise for that. As for suffering, why does someone else's suffering mean yours shouldn't matter so much. Who makes up these dumb rules?
ReplyDeleteThat is a most adorable picture of August.
I hope you get some decent rain and a drop in temperature very soon.
Really dumb people make up those dumb rules. Ugh.
DeleteI think that in a little over a week we may get some lower temperatures- they might drop to the low nineties.
I also read heart attack ! Glad that you are fine apart from feeling old and too hot. I get sweaty when I walk the dog or do anything in temps above about 12c. ( 53F) and it makes me feel cross and uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteWe changed our broadband provider a few months ago as they kept putting the prices up on the basis that we were getting faster speeds that we don't need. It also changed the TV provider and I am still getting to grips with a very different, not so good system!
I HATE it when we have to switch TV providers. It's hard enough for me to remember how to operate one system and then to have to change over to another? FORGET IT!
DeleteI think we may actually end up paying less because we're getting our land line taken out. All we ever use it for anyway is to call our cell phones if no one else is home to find our lost ones.
Yes, we also lost the final landline too....it was the business line, no longer needed. The home landline went a few years ago as the only calls were scams!
DeleteWell, mama said there'd be days like this, right? I totally get being irritable in the heat, and I get being irritated with people in lines -- I am the same way.
ReplyDeleteMy mom always used to say, "All you need is money!" It's a good expression. Somehow it helps to keep things in perspective.
And while I know what you mean about virtue-signaling, the fact is, yes, you are fortunate to have people who would take care of your cats. :)
I love that song. I loved the album it was on. It was a classic for me.
DeleteI don't usually get impatient behind people in line but in this case, this woman was just drifting off into her verbalized thoughts about cats. I could tell the woman running the cash register was over it too.
Your mama was right and so is Glen. Throw enough money at a problem and it can probably be solved.
I know I'm fortunate to have people who would take care of my cats. I think they would at least. I mean, they do KNOW Maurice so maybe not.
this heat is making everyone irritable. last fall the elementary school where we have our yoga class in the 'gym', which is a metal building with insulation on the ceiling but none on the sides as the sides are all roll up doors for when the weather is nice, installed air conditioning last fall (already had heat) and though it has a giant fan on the ceiling, summer classes were hot and sweaty. I think we all would have had heat stroke this summer with no AC in there.
ReplyDeleteOh god. I think you're right. No amount of fans can deal with this sort of heat. It's so brutal.
DeleteYou remind me in this post that air conditioning is the height of privilege. It is not so hot here, but it is muggy, the air sticks to you, not fun but no danger of heatstroke, which is something.
ReplyDelete