Heat Attack

 I have not taken one picture today so I will give you this memory of when August was a much younger man. 

He really still looks exactly the same except that his hair isn't as blond and his legs and arms sure are a lot longer. Look at those darling little feet in those darling little shoes. 

Just told my husband that I feel a thousand years old this evening. "That's too old for me," he said, which I am sure was a joke and he was trying to be funny but tears sprang to my eyes and I said, "It's too damn old for me, too." 

This weather is wearing on me. I know I have no right to complain but it's just the truth and the fact that many others are suffering from it even more than I am does not help me in the least. I always say that someone else's cancer is not going to cure my broken leg and it's not, but there are many among us who, comparing their plights to the plights of others, make light of their own which always sounds like bullshit to me or at least some sort of weird virtue signaling. It's right up there with "God doesn't give us burdens that are too heavy for us to carry."
I would beg to differ if I believed in God. 

It could be that I am just testy from this heat. I was planning on taking a walk this morning. I had it scheduled in but before I did that I took the laundry out to hang on the line and just doing that made me feel like I was dying so I didn't. Go on a walk, that is. I didn't die either.

But because I had not suffered sufficiently, I decided to pick up a bunch of dead, downed branches and haul them to the burn pile and take out the compost and hang out another load of clothes. 
And that was enough suffering for anyone, even a good Catholic. I am not remotely Catholic or good so I called off any other outdoor activities for the day. 

I did need to go to town and run some errands. I planned to go to the branch library on my side of town and pick up a prescription and go to Publix and go to Costco. Well, the branch library is closed on Mondays and I should know that and I probably have known that in the past but I had forgotten it just like I'm forgetting everything these days. I went and picked up my prescription and the woman in front of me was...well, interesting. Being in such a testy mood I sort of wanted to smack her for no real reason except that although she was no spring chicken at all, she was wearing denim shorts that were too big for her and she had to keep pulling them up and she kept talking about her cats and LODGED A COMPLAINT that the pharmacy did not have any products for cats although it was a sort of jokey complaint. She also told me that her only real worry in life is that she will die and there will be no one to take her cats. Now this was worrisome in several ways- one, did she have no friends? Two, has she had a terminal diagnosis? 
This might explain the shorts situation and I really needed to use my "understander" and try to be more empathetic. I asked her if she really didn't have anyone to take care of her cats and she said that no, she did not. Not family or friends. Also, her cats are very, very shy. They only want to be around her. 

Bless her heart. But I did not offer to give her my number and promise to take care of her cats if she dies. I just said, "Well, good-luck," and away I went. 

Now see- this is one of those situations that I should look at and think, "Well. I am so blessed to have family AND friends who would not only take my cats if I died, but would be there for me when I was dying so I have nothing to complain about." 
You know I didn't. Well, I sort of did and still do but I am being bitchy and mean today so I am thinking that we all have DIFFERENT problems and there's that. 
I remember once I was at lunch with Kathleen and we ran into my old yoga teacher. I asked her how she was doing and she said she was still having back problems which she chronically did, and then she said, "But at least I don't have cancer!" which Kathleen did have and the yoga teacher knew it. 
Also, she was a good Catholic girl. Woman. Whatever. 

Nothing that I've written here tonight has any redeeming value. Is that stopping me? 
No. No it is not. 

I decided at that point to take myself to the Pitaria as it was after 1:30 and I got what I always get which is a veggie platter and it was so beautiful, as usual, and I brought half of it home for tomorrow's lunch, also as usual. I thought about taking a picture and I guess I should have. Two other women were there, all of us eating our solo lunches and probably all of us happy to be doing so. Then on to Publix where I got way more stuff than I thought I would and by any measure I should not have to return for over a week but you know how that goes. By this time I was done, done, DONE with it all and decided Costco could wait for another day. Fuck it. Also, clouds were building to the east and my clothes were still on the line. 

As I write this, the groceries are all put away, the laundry is too. It has rained about fifty raindrops which is better than no raindrops. Mr. Moon spent an hour or more on the phone with Century Link, our internet provider and as he said when he got off the phone, "All you need is money!" and supposedly, after we give them more money, our internet connection will be faster than ever before which is a low bar. 

I admire my husband so much in that he is incredibly persistent, does not lose his temper in these situations, but is always calm and polite and asks the right questions and he does the math so that we are not being herded into something we neither want nor need. 

I would have been weeping if I'd been the one on the phone. "I'm just a poor old grandma who wants to be able to write her blog and use her AOL account!" I would be saying. 
And they would laugh and laugh. 

Here comes another fifty raindrops. I will try to be cheerier tomorrow. 

Love...Ms. Moon