Is it Wednesday? Is it still January? Why did I walk into this room? Wait a minute- what did I need to put on the list for my next grocery run?
When did I lose my looks/my mind/become invisible/stop ever wearing make-up? Or jewelry? When did I stop wearing jewelry? When did my clothes get so threadbare that mending them requires patching them? When was the last time I went clothes shopping in an actual store? When did this attitude arise that I really don't need anything new because, well, I'll be dying before I'll get good use out of it?
Does this all sound depressing and morbid and ridiculous and sad?
Yeah. That's me these days.
My dreams seem more real than my waking moments somehow. This does not say a whole lot for my sense of reality. Of being here now. Have I slipped into a crack in the simulation, being neither here nor there?
Go ahead. Tell me I need to do mindfulness meditation. Or get my medications changed. Or get more exercise. Or volunteer somewhere. Or start a book club. Or learn to paint. Or refinish a table or a dresser or a chair. Or drink green tea.
I know. I know, I know, I KNOW!
I do. I do know I should do all those things. Except for the green tea.
I stayed busy today. Busy, busy, busy little housewife. Laundry, tidying, cleaning sinks, taking trash, making chili, making Bragg's roasted almonds and cashews for tasty, healthy snacks! Mending. Plant watering. Patching. Bed-making. Bread-baking.
Nothing news-breaking. Nothing back-breaking. Nothing breath-taking. Nothing earth-shaking.
Just living, I guess. Just living on the earth and making of it what I can.
Funny. I miss Roseland so much. Talk about nostalgia. I keep thinking about the sunsets on the dock over the Sebastian river. Maybe Mr. Moon and I need to go on a little trip somewhere soon even if we are risking our health, if not our lives, by doing so.
Even the thought of shopping at a different Publix sounds exotic to me right now.
Meanwhile, I really am fine. And Maggie is coming to spend the night on Friday and that will be fun. I'm listening to Cloud Cuckoo Land via the library's loan of the audio book. I have books to read with my eyes and I have everything I really need and living a dream-filled life is not so bad for the most part. I know that.