But honestly, the weirdest part of sleeping in there is just being in that room which has never represented sleep for me and somehow has a completely different spirit feeling if I am allowed to say that. The bedroom we sleep in now is not part of the original structure and thus the Glen Den is older and in the deep dark night I can feel the difference. When I awaken, it’s not the TV and the toys and the deer heads and Mr. Moon’s collections of beer steins and other stuff that I feel. It’s something entirely different and of a different time.
Or it could be the drugs, you know.
Maurice sleeps with me in that chair and she is so light, especially compared to Jack that she feels weightless and she is a comfort although last night she made a sound with her breathing that was way too much like a distressed human child.
My pain has been less today and this morning I made a little stroll out to the garden just to look around. I miss the garden. That and folding some clothes were the most exciting things I did today. The rest of the day has been mostly spent in the chair watching The Office. Even though I’m in less pain, I have a definite persistent tiredness. I suppose that’s normal as my body is trying to reconstruct parts of itself but it’s hard not to just feel like I’m being lazy.
My husband is doing it all. He is cooking and doing laundry and today he even cleaned the hen house. For breakfast he cooked eggs with peppers and onions and garlic! Gourmet! I am so impressed and also, at the same time, afraid that he will soon be better than I am at the household things and will decide that he does not need me.
Yes. I am insecure.
I got a text from Billy this afternoon asking if they could come drop off some things and of course I said yes. They brought delicious treaties as August would say- crackers and chocolate and salmon dip and honey and cheese made from the milk of barn-free cows! And Waylon made me a beautiful mermaid drawing. We chatted for just a minute, them outside wearing masks and us in the doorway. I asked Shayla about the plan for teaching this year and it still hasn’t been quite decided or finalized.
This is all so hard.
Anyway, we go on. Perhaps tomorrow I will feel up to doing a little cooking. Or something. I am looking forward to that. And sleeping in my bed and going to let my chickens out in the morning and counting them and watching them as they peck and scratch at their corn.
But I don’t need to rush. It’s only been four days.
Here’s another thing I am looking forward to- having something to talk about beyond broken ribs and related topics. And having an actual computer. I don’t think my new MacBook has even shipped.
Well, it will one of these days.
Please be well, y’all. In every way. The world may be falling apart but we need to try and survive it the best we can to bear witness if nothing else. And speaking of survivors- it is Mick Jagger’s 77th birthday today.
Gold rings on him as his band wife Keith would say.
May he dance forever.
And may the spirit of John Lewis watch over this crazy country. We need him so.