It's the morning after and I still don't have words. I sort of want to rage against God but you know, that's out for us who don't actually believe so forget that.
And I don't really think it's my place to ruminate and speculate. The information about the shooter and the victims and the scenario dribble in and then is replaced with new, more correct information and so what good is it to try and figure it out? There is no figuring it out as far as I'm concerned. And quite frankly, I don't think it does one bit of good for me to say that my thoughts and prayers are with the families who lost children or the families who didn't lose children but lost other things too precious to contemplate, mainly any sense of innocence or rightness about this world, any sense that they'll ever be safe again, any way to go back to the way it was before.
My thoughts are useless to them and I don't pray.
But there remains a feeling of needing to do something. Of needing to try and understand why and that, too, is an illusion, I think. I can't do one damn thing. I can't understand.
So. What to do?
Go about my life. Same as you. Realize that life is a completely unpredictable thing. That we need to love each other while we can and as best we can. Try not to take anything for granted. Perhaps, as we did after 9/11, feel free to redefine what is important and what is not through the lens of this new reality.
Because this is a new reality. There's no doubt about that. A line has been crossed, a situation has occurred which was, until yesterday, blessedly unthinkable.
Maybe do something to encourage our lawmakers to enact some fucking gun control laws.
And then...give those people some privacy. Privacy is a concept which is quickly losing value in our Twittering, Facebooking, blogging, 24-hour news-on-every-device-in-our-homes-and-pockets world but really- it's the only respectful response. If the people of Newtown want to share, that's their right but if they want to go into their homes and churches and temples and hold each other and cry and curse or whatever the hell it is they need to do, we need to back off and let them do that.
Because we may say that this is a tragedy for all of us but that's another illusion. I, like you, have the option of changing the channel, going to a different website or putting on my shoes and going for a walk and thinking about something else. I can hug my kids and my grandkids. Of course I care about those families, that community. But I do not need to see every tear-stained face. I do not need to hear voices wracked with unimaginable pain. We talk a lot about how we live in a global community and in some ways that's a good thing but in other ways, it's ridiculous and illusory and engenders fear and paranoia which is artificially based. In a way, it has allowed us all to become the neighborhood busy-body and gossip monger.
I guess what I'm saying here in my clumsy way is that as much as I wish I could do something to help, I can't.
So I'm saying good morning, let's love each other. Let's do the best we can. And let's allow the people whose lives were truly altered in such a horrific way their space and their privacy.