And it's cold.
Or at least what we here in Florida think of as cold.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah.
I have a problem. Okay, I have a lot of problems but the one on my mind right now is HOW DO I GET THE PAY PER VIEW ROLLING STONES CONCERT ON SATURDAY NIGHT? Yes. I desperately want to party down with the old geezers on Saturday night. Desperately.
As some of you may be aware, I developed a huge crush on Keith Richards, not when I was eighteen when it would have made a little logical sense, but about two years ago when I read his autobiography.
The first time.
The book is about ten thousand pages long (hey! he's old and has led a very exciting life) and I not only read it with my eyes, I have listened to the audio version at least three times. I'm not especially proud of this but it's just the way it is and with all my heart I want to see the old man play the intro to Brown Sugar on Saturday night and also Satisfaction and whatever the hell else they want to play. And Mr. Moon and I do not have the slightest clue about how to get PPV and we don't know how to DVR or any other fancy thing and we barely know how to use the remote and sometimes have to call Jessie in Asheville, NC just to have her help us get the screen resized properly.
I THINK we have Dish Network.
I guess I'm going to have to call those people (on my landline!) and admit my complete ignorance. And isn't this just the damn funniest thing you ever heard? Only a Rolling Stones fan would be so old that they don't know how to operate modern TV technology. Lord. It's humiliating and embarrassing.
Mr. Moon and I were discussing this last night on our way home from the Christmas dinner at the Assisted Living. I was feeling pretty young and spunky after spending several hours with people over the age of eighty but the realization that I have no idea how to order a pay per view event sort of undid that momentary illusion. Mr. Moon offered to go out and buy a brand new huge flatscreen TV and I, in my complete dedication to watching this event, said, "Yes! Go do it!" And I'm not at all sure how that would help the situation but in the slim chance that we can figure it out, I could watch the Stones (whose average age is now older than the Supreme Court justices) in incredible Flat Screen glory.
This is definitely a First World Problem, or as I sometimes say, a rich white girl problem, although I think that if I were really rich, no matter my skin-shade, I could just tell the dadgummed butler to get this problem taken care of. Right? Or my personal assistant. Or better yet, I'd just be sitting in a VIP box at the actual concert after having partied backstage with the Stones themselves. Whatever. But no, here I am in Lloyd, Florida where you can't get pizza delivered and you can't get cable and you can't get cell phone reception in your house but by golly, you CAN get excellent high speed internet and for that I am so grateful. Hell, I can make my own pizza but I can't make internet.
Well, we'll either figure this out or we won't.
Meanwhile, I better get busy around here and figure out even more important stuff like what to get anyone for Christmas. Like wishing myself thin, this complete denial of Christmas approaching like a freight train isn't really working. And baking cookies isn't helping either situation.
I better go take a walk and think about this.
Happy Friday, y'all.