Hang On To Your Uteri, Girls (Or, Things In Round Places)

I had pregnancy dreams last night. The last time this happened, Lily turned up knocked-up. Now I don't think Lily's quite ready to get pregnant again and last time I checked, neither May nor Jessie were engaging in baby-making ceremonies although I am quite aware we do not tell our mothers everything.
And the good lord knows I am not about to get pregnant so who IS IT? Is it you????

I was reminded of the dreams this morning when I saw old Pearl curled up in a small dog's bed. She loves to do this. It makes her feel cozy. I have even found her asleep on Zeke's bed which is more like a little hut than a flat bed but Pearl just lays down on it and smashes it out and snoozes away. Anyway, here she is in the small dog's bed as opposed to the tiny dog's bed:


She has a Pearl-sized bed and Dolly, a small dog, snoozes there:


No. I do not put those pretty ribbons in her hair. The groomer does and they will be gone by tomorrow, I am sure.

Anyway, seeing Pearl in that bed reminded me of the dreams because not only was I pregnant, so was Pearl. Now Pearl has never had sex as far as I know and was spayed at a very early age, plus in dog years, she is far more ancient even than I who, as we all know, is ancient and hoary and filled with wisdom but no functioning eggs.

So despite all of this, Dream Pearl delivered her puppy and at first it was a normal puppy and she bit the string-like umbilical cord but then, as things will happen in Dream World, the puppy turned into a creature which had a head like an adult Lab's head and I said, "Holy fuck! That puppy's head is as big as Pearl's head!"

I was amazed.

And I was walking around with this giant pregnant belly and just waiting for that tipping point which casts you into labor and I liked having the belly. This probably comes from my near-fat experience yesterday and I've spent my entire life being depressed about my fat stomach except for when I was pregnant which were the only times in my life I could walk around without holding in my stomach and it was glorious and I loved my pregnant belly more than I can say. It was my glory, my joy, my round Buddha vessel of life. Ah.

So in the dream I was waiting to go into labor and instead of my usual pregnancy dreams where I think This time I will get an epidural! I thought about Lily and how brave she'd been in labor and I knew I could do it again if I could only begin this process. I searched my body for how things felt and I realized I was guarding against pain by holding my muscles in to keep my belly from dropping down because THAT triggered what could have been a contraction and so I tried to relax and let that contraction-thing happen, even though it was painful.

There were lots of people around and one of them was a woman I used to know in high school and to whom I am still somehow connected through a mutual friend. I know she has been through troubled times recently and in my dream she was beautiful and well and I hoped she would be there for the birth. I took her aside and said, "Sally, if you are here when I'm in labor, please remind me...."
And I can't remember what I told her to remind me of but perhaps it was something like, "Don't be afraid of the pain and don't hold back from letting it happen."
I think that may actually have been it because I think now, as the sun is shining on me and I am coffee-ed and yoga-ed up that this was the message of the dream.

Don't be afraid of the pain. I have to relax into whatever the pain is because through pain there will be new life.

And beyond that, I haven't a fucking clue.

And then there was Pearl, a big dog in a round space and I thought of her having a puppy and me having a grand round belly and the message came back to me and maybe that's all there was to it- inner wisdom being transmitted to my consciousness and it had nothing to do with anyone I know actually getting pregnant.

But just in case- if you don't want to get pregnant, be careful. I'm warning you.

But if you do want to get pregnant- go for it! Attend the baby-making ceremonies with great joy and energy. Relax and give in and surely, one way or another, through pleasure and/or pain, there will be new life.


And that's it for today. Or until I get inspired again.
One never knows here at The Church Of The Batshit Crazy, does one?

And it is the anniversary of May's near-death/rebirth and as I think about it, perhaps that was part of my dream as well.

I love you, May. I love watching you be reborn again and again and again, each time more beautiful, each time more filled with light, each time more sure and strong and true.

My children are my teachers and if I do indeed have any wisdom at all, it is because of them.
And of that I am quite sure.