Boobs Make Everything Better

I'm having one of those days. Which kind is that? you may ask. Or, you may in fact say, Who cares, Ms. Moon? And did you know that Amy Winehouse got new boobs?

That's the sort of day I'm having. Exactly. Amy Winehouse got new boobs and I am boring. Boring, boring, boring. So boring that if I were a food group, they'd eliminate it from the pyramid. So boring that if I were a book I would be sold as an over-the-counter sleep aid. So boring that if I were a movie, they would have to give away free boobs to get people to watch it.

It's so gloomy here today. The sky is gray. All of it. And it's so humid that my mirrors and windows are all white and ghostly with condensation. My walls are sweating. Mold is multiplying as we speak. There's a tornado watch and the wind is picking up. There is thunder in the far-off distance. My dogs are laying around as if they are just trying to sleep through this day, get it over with. I understand. I might try the same but my sheets are in the dryer.


They look as sad and pathetic as I feel.


I wonder if they know that Amy Winehouse got new boobs? Her father says they are swell. I could write an entire post just about that very tiny bit of information. I do not care to. I believe that anyone who comes here to visit is intelligent enough to already know what I would think about a father who comments on his daughter's new boobs.

Ah yah though. She is Amy Winehouse and her new boobs are cause for international celebritalk. I just made that word up. It's not real. It's as fake as...Amy Winehouse's new boobs!

I am not Amy Winehouse and I am boring. Maybe I should get new boobs. I could get tens of blog posts' worth of words out of that experience. Plus- before and after pictures!
I think not.
I had a friend who got new boobs. She showed them to me. (Have I already told you this?) and I thought, "Wow! Sign me up, baby! I want me some of them!"
Then she said, "Feel them." So of course I did.
Yikes! Cancel the appointment! No. Thank. You.

I wonder what Amy Winehouse's boobs feel like. I doubt I'll ever know.
Have you ever talked to a celebrity? I haven't.
Have you ever felt a celebrity's boobs?
I have not.
Have you ever wished you could?
I have. Susan Sarandon's in particular.


I'd only like to do that a little bit less than I'd like to cook supper for B.B. King. And that's a LOT!

But I don't think I want to feel Amy Winehouse's new boobs.

Like her old ones weren't good enough?

I wouldn't mind kissing her but that lipstick does not look like much fun. Nah. It would be really messy.

I think my sheets are dry. I'll go put them on my bed now.

I'm so boring. Did the boobs help? I hope so. They helped me. A little. Which is what my boobs are. Little. Actually, they're more sagging than little.

I'm just trying to be honest here.
Perhaps tomorrow we shall talk about post-menopausal sex.
But don't count on it.

Love...Ms. Moon