Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Argggh


I am girding my loins and heading into the doctor to pee in a cup.
That's what I told the woman on the phone after going through the menu ("Listen carefully because our options have changed"). I said, "I think I have a UTI and I need to pee in a cup."
She didn't even hesitate. "How far away are you?"
And then she gave me an appointment and so here I go and it's so damn ridiculous that I have such fear of going to a doctor but I do.
They'll want to weigh me. They'll want to take my blood pressure. Something will alert them to the fact that I am dying.
I just know it.
And that's how batshit crazy I am.
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19 comments:

  1. That HankOctober 20, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    You'll be okay! If peeing in a cup is the worst thing that happens to you all week, it can't be all that bad. Right?

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  2. michelleOctober 20, 2009 at 9:34 AM

    Oh Ms. Moon
    pee in the cup and they'll put you on antibiotics and you'll feel better by bedtime

    and you most certainly aren't dying. we won't let you

    what would we do without you?

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  3. That HankOctober 20, 2009 at 9:44 AM

    Just think about how lucky we are to live in the age of antibiotics.

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  4. Petit fleurOctober 20, 2009 at 9:51 AM

    Well, it's no wonder you have been out of sorts the past couple of days... I remember tending bar with a UTI... I can tell you, I was one pissy bitch! haha!

    Seriously, you will be fine, and back to yourself in no time.
    xo pf

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  5. LoisOctober 20, 2009 at 9:52 AM

    I'm the same way about doctors and it gets worse every time. Next week I have to have my yearly mammogram and I'm terrified.

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  6. MartinOctober 20, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    there are worse things they could ask you to do in a cup... you'll be grand

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  7. MwaOctober 20, 2009 at 10:59 AM

    Oh, happy peeing. Don't you just love it when you get it all over your fingers, and I always feel obliged to SERIOUSLY wash the outside of the cup after. Mmm, the warm feeling of fresh pee in a cup when you hand it over to the healthcare person. (Giggling.)

    I have the same thing where I find out I'm pregnant and I go to the doctor and they find cancer and then I have to choose between the lives.

    Remember these are just thoughts! And I read that infections actually make you depressed. So getting rid of your infection will make you happier.

    I'm rambling. Kiss.

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  8. Sarcastic BastardOctober 20, 2009 at 11:26 AM

    Nobody likes doctors.

    You will be fine. You will feel better soon. I love you.

    SB

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  9. lilyOctober 20, 2009 at 11:50 AM

    Don't you dare let them find out you are dying! I love you.

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  10. KoriOctober 20, 2009 at 1:03 PM

    Ah, but that little numbing pill they will give you that turns your pee orange is so wonderful! Good luck; let us know. You aren't dying, not today. : )

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  11. TiffOctober 20, 2009 at 1:09 PM

    OH God. The first time I had a UTI I thought I WAS dying. Pee well! Feel better soon.

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  12. JoOctober 20, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    If you liked doctor vsits, that would be kind of a fetish, right?

    Hope you come home drugged up and relieved!

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  13. JoOctober 20, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    If you liked doctor vsits, that would be kind of a fetish, right?

    Hope you come home drugged up and relieved!

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  14. Kathleen ScottOctober 20, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    We're all dying, all the time. The consequence of living and the thing that makes this moment so precious. You're not crazy for knowing that.

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  15. Mr. ShifeOctober 20, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    Hope everything is OK and the visit went well even though it was not something you were looking forward too. And I don't think there is anything wrong with being batshit crazy. I would certainly pay a membership fee to join that club.

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  16. Ms. MoonOctober 20, 2009 at 5:23 PM

    DTG- Peeing in the cup was nothing compared to stepping on the scale.

    Michelle- Okay. You're so precious.

    Ms. Fleur- Pissy bitch. Yes, that is me. Haha!

    Lois- Do you want me to come with you and hold your hand? I hate those things and not because of the pain. I think they may actually CAUSE breast cancer. That can't be good for the titties.

    Daddy X- I can't believe you read things like blogs about UTI's in women you don't actually know. YOU are the grand one.

    Mwa- I'm counting on the infection-making-you-depressed thing and yes, I too have washed off the outside of the cup.

    Ms. Bastard- I am terrified of them, though. I always have been and it gets worse every day.
    I love you too.

    Lily- Don't worry. Daddy and I are going to become vampires and live eternally, remember?

    Kori- I have been taking that pill since last weekend. It is shocking to see pee that color come out of one's own body, isn't it?

    Tiff- And the first vaginal infection? Oh Lord.

    Jo- Maybe. If so, I'll never have it.

    Kathleen- Well exactly!

    Mr. Shife- No membership fees, no dues, no physical exam required, EVER! You may, in fact, already be a member!

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  17. LoisOctober 20, 2009 at 6:34 PM

    You are so sweet to offer to come and hold my hand during the mammo, but I think my daughter is going with me. I've had to have two breast biopsies in the last year and that's why I'm so anxious about it. It certainly doesn't help that I suffer from extreme health anxiety anyway!

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  18. Lucy At HomeOctober 21, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    I'm sure you know what a UTI is and I think your doctor could have just phoned in a prescription for an antibiotic!

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  19. Ms. MoonOctober 21, 2009 at 4:33 PM

    Lois- I'd be scared as shit, too. If your daughter can't go- call me. I'm in the book.

    Lucy- Yeah. In a perfect world.

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