Ah, lah.
Yesterday I was still so filled with the spirit of our little trip that when I went to the therapist I believe she wondered what in hell I was doing there.
I sort of wondered myself.
I felt like I could take on the world, that there were endless possibilities and that finally, I was back, I was whole, I was good. I was wearing a new dress that my Lizzie had given me and dark red lipstick.
I found, within minutes of shopping, a few things we need for the radio plays- an antique-looking fan, some clickers to make noises with, and I called my fellow-Foley and left a message saying I felt quite sassy.
It was just a good day.
And today?
Ah lah.
I look around and see that the house is dusty and cluttered. I look out at the garden which needs completely replanting because nothing came up but the arugula and weeds and I have no idea why. They say it's going to freeze tonight and I have exactly one million plants on the porches and scattered around the yard that could die if I don't do something to protect them, including my precious six-foot mango plant that I started from a seed in a pot that weighs approximately one half of a ton. The dogs need to go to the groomer's desperately because part of my mental illness has precluded me from using the phone to call for appointments although I finally did manage to do that last week and today's the day they need to go. My daughter needs me to take her shopping for some winter clothes. And we have play practice tonight.
And I am overwhelmed and I suppose I should get out there and walk for one hour and fifteen minutes to kick that serotonin level up and it's cold out there. Well, cold for me.
In other words, SNAFU.
Not really. It's all in my mind. I need to stop. Breathe. Go put my shoes on, collect the dogs' leashes, herd them into the car, take them to Miss Beverly, come home and take a walk.
Then see where I am and what I need to do.
Because right now I am spinning wheels and gaining no traction and not enjoying the view from the window as I spin.
Take a deep breath and decide where to start...even if it turns out to be the wrong place, starting somewhere is better than never starting at all.
ReplyDeleteAt least with the dogs you'll have something that you can look at and say, I accomplished that. The dogs have been groomed and it is obvious.
ReplyDeleteYep, DTG, you are right. And it'll cut down the sweeping I have to do by about 90%. I could spin what I've been sweeping up around here and knit a damn poodle sweater.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds warm and smelly.
ReplyDeletePoodle sweater. Ha!
ReplyDeleteSorry you're feeling like this today, Ms. Moon.
Save the mango - all the others are on their own!
ReplyDeleteIn my happiest of happiest days I could never smile the way you were smiling 2 days ago, so things are not as bad as they seem.
BTW - the dogs are probably responsible for 99% of the dust...
Oh, how I hate those days after the good ones. Oh, how I do.
ReplyDeleteMy advice? Do something, ANYTHING to make yourself feel somewhat more accomplished. I'm making bread today. It helps.
I hope you feel better, my friend.
I'm actually doing pretty well. Not nearly as bad as I could be and I am grateful for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd MOB- you are right. The dogs have been a large part of the sweepings around here. And poor mango. I have to just put a sheet over it and hope for the damn best.