Thursday, October 16, 2008

Answers To Everything

So the lady therapist was quite beautiful and her office was warm and inviting.

Check, check.

I shoveled out my shit and she, being a different sort of therapist, I believe, offered her opinion that there were at least seventeen reasons why I got to where I did but for now, let's just go from where we are.

And that I should walk for an hour and fifteen minutes daily (instead of the fast forty-five I do now) to "kick up the serotonin." And cut down on coffee.

Because she can tell that I still have anxiety.

Perhaps me telling her that I have a hard time leaving the house clued her in there.

Anyway, here I go, to walk for one hour and fifteen minutes. And then I HAVE to come back here and do yoga because I haven't done any in a week because my poor yoga teacher is IN THE HOSPITAL and that's a long story but I can feel my joints freezing up and my hip hurts. Which means I need to do yoga.

God. Who would have thought that getting this old would be this much WORK?

Now. Speaking of old, did you see McCain last night? His facial expressions shall I put this?

Painful. Strange. Bizarre. I feel certain that if a chimp had been sitting across the table from him, he would have jumped up on the table and pummeled the crap out of the old man, rightly thinking that those weird grimaces meant either (a) he was about to attack, (b) he was dying and needed to be put out of his misery, or (c) he'd been constipated for several years and needed a good shaking up to get things moving.

Personally, f I have to look at that face for the next four years there won't be enough walking in the world to sooth my anxieties.

That's all I have to say about THAT.

But here's what I'm thinking: In a month, I'll be trimmer, fitter and less anxious, Obama will be the president-elect and the financial world will settle down on the good news of that and we'll all have world peace, forty acres and a mule, and a chicken in every pot (unless you're a vegetarian in which case there will be tofu in yours) and see? It'll all be fine.

Breathe with me now.

We can do this.

One step at a time.

And one more thing. Do they make sports Depends? Because there's no way I can walk for one hour and fifteen minutes without having to pee, even with less coffee.

I should have discussed that with the therapist.


  1. Depends, omg. You are so real! I love it. Your optimism has inspired me. I will "kick up my seritonin" too and will join you in being thinner and healthier. Thank you.


    (PS: I have an awesome mom.)

  3. I don't know about those Depends but I do know that they make quite a bit of woods out there in Lloyd and I also know that you know how to use those woods.

  4. DTG- you did NOT send me that link. You KNOW I'm going to post that as a blog. YOU KNOW!

    And HoneyLuna- shhh.
    Do we want the entire world to know that it's not just bears peeing in the woods? Huh?

    And Sally- Yes. I am realer than real. Realer than I should be, most likely. Let's all walk!

  5. Haha! I would just go in the woods. :)

    You're real and that's what I like about ya.

  6. Okay, I seriously laugh out loud at your humor. You are so wonderful. Thank you for sharing, and good luck with all the walking. The coffee thing sure has helped me since I cut it down. I was drinking maybe 2-3 cups every day, sometimes more. Now I only have coffee maybe once a month... Not as jittery for sure. Happy trails,


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