News You Can't Use And Other Random Stuff

I just feel so boring here lately. So whiny. So over-and-over-again-you've heard-it-all.

I should talk about politics. Let's see...
Herman Cain.
Are you kidding me?
Every other Republican supposedly running for president.
Are you kidding me?

I could discuss popular culture.
But I am still unsure of who the Kardashians are although I am fairly sure that one of them just demonstrated quite vividly why marriage between a man and a woman is sacred.
For a few weeks.

I could discuss (going back to Herman Cain) how every freaking manager I ever had while working in restaurants sexually harassed me except for the gay guy who only harassed the guy servers.

I could discuss my agoraphobia but we've certainly all heard about that before.

I could discuss how completely unsexy/unpretty/unattractive I feel lately but we've heard that before too. Really though, I've reached a new low.

I could discuss the thing I was thinking about last night which is the family-famous story of how when I was a little girl I stole something from a grocery store (I was so young I don't even remember what OR the incident) and my mother made me take it back in, whatever it was, and apologize to the manager and I wonder now if if that has anything to do with my agoraphobia but it probably doesn't. It's probably just why I've never shoplifted anything in my life.

I could talk about how relieved/guilty I feel when I see Christmas commercials on the TV or see Christmas decorations in the stores because I am NOT DOING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. Okay. A little guilty, mostly relieved, and then I feel guilty because I don't feel guilty as much as I feel relieved.

I could point out that the furniture polish and a rag have been sitting on the piano for two days now. Gathering dust.

I would like to point out that two years ago today this boy was born:


Waylon Grady Lunsford. And that on that day he and Owen were this tiny:

And that now they are BIG boys and I am wishing the happiest of happy birthdays to Waylon and to his mama and daddy who are my beloved Shayla and Billy.
Two years, y'all.
Can you believe it? Can you especially believe, Shayla, that Waylon ever had trouble nursing? HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHA!

I could tell you that the new library is opening today but NOT UNTIL FOUR O'CLOCK THIS AFTERNOON AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

I could tell you that the train has gone by about fourteen times while I've been writing this.

I could tell you that Mr. Moon is going to be out of town for a few days to go pick up a car in South Florida and that I am going to be a wild, wild woman while he is gone. Wild as in Owen will be here most of today and tomorrow and so yes, I will be wildly trying to keep things out of his nose.

Oh, I could tell you all of these things and discuss every one of them but with the exception of it being Waylon's birthday, who would care?

Oh wait- here's some news: Ms. Mabel has feathers appearing again on her back. Moulting season is coming to an end and growing-in season is happening. Now if Elvis will just leave her alone she might look like a real chicken again.

And I do have other news but I am not at liberty to discuss it yet. Stayed tuned to his channel.
This news has nothing to do with Herman Cain OR sexual harassment. I promise you.

Okay. This wild woman needs to go get something done before she picks up Owen including going to the Costco where she hopes they are sampling salmon but probably will not be but will probably be sampling those nasty little frozen smoothie things instead. Or some sort of food-substitute nutritional bars. She needs to take a walk. She needs to wash her hair. She needs to shave her legs but she probably won't. Wild women don't need to shave their legs.
If their husbands are out of town.
Costco is like the Honey Badger. It don't give a shit. If you have a card.
Remember Honey Badger? Of course you do. He's nasty-ass. And if you haven't seen him, here he is. Yes, I've posted this before. So what? It's my blog?
I do not give a shit.




Better Honey Badger than Herman Cain.
In fact, that may be my new motto, my slogan.

BETTER HONEY BADGER THAN HERMAN CAIN!!!

Love...Ms. Moon

This Day

Oh my. It's been SUCH a good day. Such a very full day. From the moment we got up and I washed my face with Dr. Bronner's and said, "Owen, smell my face," and he did and said, "Nie!" to right now, when he is asleep in his bed in our room with the stars and moon shining over the ceiling above him. A few weeks ago I bought Owen a ladybug nightlight that has holes punched in her shell which, when the light in it is turned on, project stars and a moon on the ceiling. I got the same sort of thing a long time ago for my nephew and niece, only they were turtles, and I swear, they are just enchanting.
I sort of want one myself. You can get them at Target.
Damn Target. I hate to love them so much.

I don't know. I could list all the things we did and all the sweet things that happened today but really- it's too much and I'm tired and so what?
I learned a lot about my grandson. I will tell you that. Waylon came over to play and I watched them together and I saw Owen share his toys and run to give Waylon his juice when he was scared because of the dogs barking and I had so many sweet things to see, to have happen to me, to think about.

It was just pure happiness to have Billy and Waylon here. To watch Billy be the sort of daddy I knew he would be.

To see Waylon growing up. He's so smart and he's so full of life and joy.

Here he is, discovering the joys of kicking bamboo. He immediately started attacking his daddy with it, just like a jousting knight.


Here are the boys having a snack of string cheese, peanut butter crackers, grapes and tomatoes. Very yummy indeed.

It took awhile for them to feel comfortable playing together, but it happened and here they are on the back porch, Owen on his toy cell phone, Waylon with the dust mop. It turns out that Waylon likes to clean too.


And here they are, high-fiving:


Really. That's what they were doing.

By the time Billy and Waylon left, Waylon had kissed me and Owen, and Owen had kissed Waylon and Billy, and everyone had kissed Pearl.

And shared cookies with her.

It was a good day for Pearl.

I've finally realized that the thing which makes her happiest right now is canned dog food. So we bought a case of the stuff and she's getting a can in the morning and a can at night.
She'll never die now. Ever. She has fifteen and a half years of not getting canned dog food to make up for.

Let's see how many cases we end up buying before she trips on that Rainbow To Jesus.

Anyway, that's the short story. Throw in a heavenly nap with the boy, Kathleen dropping off cherry tomatoes for Owen and steaks for his grandparents because Mr. Moon helped her with a dead battery today and watching Owen and Bop in the boat together, Owen pretending to steer, and oh, I don't know...tuna casserole and Owen asking for Bop to come help him get to bed and singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow to him and giving him a bath and watching him be happy in this world and well, it's just been a grand, grand day.

I've had other things on my mind, too, but hopeful things. Good things.
And now it's time to go to bed and I know that at some point Owen will wake up and I'll bring him into bed with me and Mr. Moon and we'll all snuggle up and Owen will say, "Zeke?" and yes, Zeke will be there too.

Lily and Jason are having a wonderful time and they'll be home tomorrow. Owen will be so glad to see them but he's been happy. Whenever they've called, he's barely had time to shout, "A-lah!" at them on the phone before he was off doing something else.

Yes. A good day.

And off in the distance the Chuck-Widow's-Will is chipping his night-song which takes me straight back to my childhood in Roseland and a baby boy is sleeping in my bedroom and it's cool and the chickens are asleep on the roost and the dishes are washed and the coffee is set and if this is a dream, don't wake up me up.

At least until morning when it's time to wash my face with Dr. Bronner's and my grandson will be there, cheerful and bright and shining in his morning glory and I'll offer my face to him and he'll smell of it and say, "Nie!"

And it will all continue, this cycle of everything and still, even with the morning sun shining, it will all be a dream I've never known I had.

Night-Night, y'all.
Sweetest dreams to you, too.

So much love...Ms. Moon

Adventures In Babysitting

Damn. It's been an exciting day in Lloyd. I mean- TWO BABIES!

And then there was the snake in the hen house. That damn snake. It's the same one. He keeps coming back and he's eating my eggs! I only collected two eggs the other day and I wondered what in hell was going on. Well, it's an egg-eatin' oak snake and that son-of-a-bitch is pissing me off.
Lily and the boys and I were outside feeding the chickens and before we went in we went to get eggs and there he was, draped over the laying boxes like he owned the joint.

He's a handsome fellow but come on! Eat rats, ya damn bastard and leave my eggs alone!

Lily, for some reason, transformed before my eyes into Zena, Warrior Princess, handed me Owen and grabbed the pitchfork. She opened the little door at the back of the box and pushed him out with the handle of the pitchfork; meanwhile, I stood there not believing she was doing it. She WAS going to grab him with a gloved hand ("I see this all the time on the Discovery Channel- I can do it!") but when glove came to snake, she opted not to.

I was stunned that she did what she did but I shouldn't have been. Lily is a force of nature.

After the snake dropped out of the box Lily coaxed him into heading back into the woods. He'll be back, dammit. I know he will. Either Mr. Moon is going to have to get him in some sort of container and carry him to a distant place or else he's going to have to kill him and I don't really want him to do that. Snakes like that one are not a threat to humans and are lovely in their snake way.
But he cannot keep stealing my eggs. No way.
As Lily once said here when a bat was flying around the bathroom as she was trying to get ready to go to work at 5 a.m., "Too much nature!"
Sometimes it feels that way, anyway.

The yellow flies are driving me insane.

I did not take that picture and I won't be posting a picture I personally took because I'm not letting one of those motherfuckers stay on me long enough to focus. They bite and take blood like a mosquito but their stings swell and itch enough to drive me insane (short drive, Mr. Moon would say) and one is torturing me this very instant. She already bit me twice. Again, like mosquitoes, only the females bite.
Frankly, I'd rather have a snake near me than a yellow fly. I'm not even kidding you.

Anyway, we had a great time with the boys. Owen and Waylon seem to be amused by each other and try to grab at each other's faces. They go straight for the eyes. I have no idea why. Waylon is a happy boy, like Owen and fairly easily amused. He went down for a nap around three and when his mama got here at four, she found us asleep together in the guest room.

We were both tired, even though I hadn't done a damn thing all day long.
Like I said, we did go out and feed the chickens. Here's a picture of Miss Penny who was getting real close and personal with me. She WANTS those grapes and she is not kidding!

She was IN MY FACE! So I took her picture.

And here's a picture of Jessie with both boys.


You can see that Owen is keeping an eye on Waylon. "That's MY Mean Aunt Jessie," he is probably thinking. He's almost all well now except for a bit of huskiness to his voice which is actually quite charming. He's sort of the Demi Moore of babies now. He's back to being the boss of every one, especially his grandmother. He took a dive backwards off the bed today but I miraculously stuck out a foot and gently broke his fall. He was pissed off but not hurt.

And now I suppose I better do a chore or two. Like- wash the breakfast dishes. I mean, it's time to start thinking about dinner.

It's been a good day. I tell you. When Jessie came in she found Lily and me, sitting in the Glen Den eating meatloaf sandwiches and watching Wife Swap and playing with the babies. I mean really- it doesn't get much better than that. And then- a nap with a baby?! Well. Nothing better.

A hot summer day with babies and snakes and meat loaf sandwiches and some of my kids and now it even looks like it might rain.

Yeah. I'm a lucky woman.

I better go wash those dishes.

Love...Ms. Moon

We Love Babies

Indulge Me

I know, I know. This blog has had some serious Owen picture drought going on. Have you been suffering? You know I have. So, in order to rectify the situation, I offer you these.

Lily, Owen and I met Uncle Hank for lunch at Moe's. Do you have a Moe's where you live? I can't hate the place. They have really spicy salsa. And when you walk in, they say, "Welcome to Moe's!" They being all the line cooks. Yeah. It's corny. And it cracks me up.

Little man stands and crows. He's been hanging with the roosters too much, obviously.

I have no idea what was so curious, but please- that face? Stop me before I eat it.


Uncle Hank, may I please have your nose ring?


My boys. My precious boys.

After lunch it was on to the mall where we got pictures with the Easter Bunny. We met up with our friends Billy and Shayla and their son Waylon and Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw AND Billy's sister Kelli and her children Adda and Eli. It was an Easter Bunny Picture Taking Fest!

Lord. They look like poster children for the Aryan Nation. We are some white white people. Please do not judge us for that. We were born this way.


Hey man! I love you!
Hey man! I love you, too!


Hey pretty girl. I must touch your soft cheek.

It was only yesterday that I took that girl to get her picture made with the Easter Bunny. I am not kidding you.
Wow.
Don't look away, folks. Kids grow up faster than you can believe.
And then they fulfill their purpose on this earth and GIVE YOU GRANDCHILDREN!

It's a good thing and makes it all so worthwhile you have to catch your breath, you have to wipe your eyes, you can't believe your fortune.

It's so fucking corny and it's so incredibly true.