Crazy But Functional

We are balancing out our weather right now. Remember last week when we didn't see a cloud for days? Well, now we've had two days where we haven't seen the sun at all. It's been hiding behind a dense curtain of ashy gray. Tomorrow, we should get rain. So that's why the picture of the roses is not filled with light. Still, they battle the gloom in their own sweet pink way, don't they?

This morning was rough. The existential angst that I wake up with every day was as dense as the gray sky above me, and tipping dangerously into the panic zone for whatever reason. Probably because I knew I was going to be picking up the boys later which absolutely should not be a cause for panic in any way and yet, it can be for me. I watched a few moments of an interview that Larry David did with Chris Wallace in which David pretty much explained how I feel about my own life. He said that he is worried every day but he feels that if he can basically do the same things every day, it'll all be okay. He said, "I love going to my office." 
And then he began to laugh and laugh. At himself, I guess. 
Wallace looked at him and said, "Is this a bit?"
David said, "No, no! Not a bit! I wish it were a bit! I don't enjoy socializing, I don't enjoy being around people, I don't enjoy traveling. I like to be in my office and in my house. I wish it weren't this way. I wish that I could get excited about the things that make other people excited but I can't."
Now this is not their exact words, but close enough and what Larry David said hit me so hard because that is exactly the way I am. It's not just that I feel tied to my routine as a form of anxiety control, it's also that I wish I were not like this and that it was easy for me to travel and be with loved ones and try new things and have new experiences. 
But it's not. 
So even something as ridiculously easy and familiar as picking up August and Levon at the school where I picked up my own children for so many years and taking them to a recreational facility that I could get to with my eyes closed, and sitting with my knitting or magazine and watching them do cool things can knock my sense of control right out of the park. 

I got very busy very fast this morning. Candie was coming and as we all know, one must get one's house ready for cleaning. In my case this means I do the laundry because I enjoy doing laundry and she always feels as if she needs to do it if there's any to do. I tidy and I take the trash to the dump and the compost out to the compost pile. I make the bed. I put things away in my bathroom and make sure the kitchen is in order. These things are the things I do not mind doing at all and I would much rather pay her to do the dusting and mopping and the cleaning of showers and the vacuuming of floors. I mean- I have Ralph The Roomba but he can only do so much. 

So I got all that done and ate a little lunch and Candie got here and we chatted some and then I got dressed and went to Tallahassee. I went through a car wash to try and get at least some of the pollen off my poor sad Prius. 

I felt as if I was seeing the universe in all its celestial glory and galaxies as the soap was sprayed all over the car. 

And then I went to Publix where I saw Miss Penny, my friend, who is worried about her husband due to some health issues and we talked for a few minutes about our husbands and how they are not allowed to be the ones who aren't strong and taking care of everything and I felt comforted when we hugged, both knowing what the other was feeling. 

I got my groceries and drove to the Weatherford house where Sophie greeted me with enthusiasm and I let her play outside for a moment. She is good at coming when you call. I do appreciate that in a dog. We had one that wouldn't come when called for love nor money. Her favorite treat was cheese and we would stand in the middle of the street after she'd bolted and yell, "Cheese, Pearl! Cheese!" 
It didn't really work but we were desperate. 

And then I went and got those boys and I wasn't in the first group of parents to pick up but came very shortly after and August said that was all right. And somehow, as soon as I got the boys and gave them their snack and then took them to gymnastics, I felt settled and fine and I enjoyed it very much. They are such strong boys, so flexible, and they listen to the coach. 

The only disturbing thing was a mother who was sitting in the rows of seats beside the area where the classes are taking place who kept yelling at her kid. "Sit up, Joshua! Sit up RIGHT NOW!" and she used such an angry voice and several times she even climbed over the seats to go down to the railing to make sure her child heard her. I wanted to smack her. I mean, I really wanted to smack her. Her child was just being a child. Probably six years old or so. All the kids bounce around like water droplets on a hot greased skillet and let's face it- some children just do not have the capability to behave like perfect little soldiers at that age. If she really felt the need to get across some message to her child, shouldn't she have quietly motioned him out of the class and taken him somewhere more private to talk to him instead of embarrassing him in front of everyone in the entire facility? 
It was so weird. I felt so sorry for the child as well as to wonder how she acts when he does something she doesn't like at home? 
I probably shouldn't be judging her. I don't know what the situation there is. But it was uncomfortable, to say the least. 

Driving the boys back to their house was a hoot as they made me laugh so much. August is given to telling terrific stories that are, to say the least, not quite believable. He was telling one today and I said, "August, that can't be true."
"It's not," he said, which I found hysterical. He didn't even try to pretend it was. 
And then of course the conversation moved to farts because they are two little boys and all things lead to farts and they were both tossing out different words for that particular bodily function and one of them said, "Poppin' a fluffy," and I thought I might die. 
WHAT? 
As I've said before, when I was a child, I thought I was the only person in the world who farted and had no idea there was even a word for it. That's how literally tight-ass my family was. So I love their cavalier attitude about the issue and it seems completely correct to me that they find the whole issue to be the funniest thing in the world. 

And so once again, my weird fears and anxieties all proved to be pointless as I knew they would even as I was having them. There is no logic involved. I am home and we are having leftover vegetable, ham, cheese, and potato pie which is what I'm calling it today. It turned out to be surprisingly and amazingly delicious. And I cooked it in one of my oldest skillets in the little air-fryer/toaster oven which took far less time than it would have in the regular oven and it came out beautifully. 

It's already gotten warm enough here that if I don't have to turn on the oven, I'd rather not. But of course, it's going to get cooler again and I am so not upset about that. 

Here's another rose picture that I actually took yesterday.

Can you see the tiny little bug friend there? Wouldn't you love to nestle into the soft pink petals of a fragrant rose? 

I would. 

Love...Ms. Moon