Anyone able to identify that white globelike object way, way up there in a magnolia tree?
It's the first bloom of the year that I've seen. It will probably be open tomorrow. I know I say this about so many flowers but...perhaps the blossom of the Magnolia grandifora is my favorite of all of them.
Until the camellias bloom, of course. And those maroon velvet roses are right up at the top of the most beautiful in my opinion.
I took a little walk today. I am so out of shape that it's pathetic. I could write an entire book on this subject but I won't. I'll just say that I have abandoned any good exercise habits I've ever had and I used to have some very, very good ones. For most of my life, really. And look at me now.
Actually, no, don't look at me.
Anyway, I walked down to where Lloyd Creek crosses the highway right by my house and I swear to you- I have no idea how we got as much water as we did last week. There are still acres of lowland that are flooded.
In the lower two photos you can see the tops of trees. There is SO much water. It just seems impossible that even if we did get eleven or twelve inches it would cause this much flooding. I will admit that I know very little about the subject so I have no answers. In this case, I don't think development had much to do with the unusual floods because there really is not a whole lot of development going on in this particular area. Some, but certainly not enough to blame for water levels like this. We here in North Florida live on limestone for the most part, under which is an aquifer. That's where we get our water from and why we have so many springs and rivers and also sink holes. I suppose that getting that much rain at one time overwhelmed the natural, normal system that allows the water to seep through the limestone and into the aquifer.
I could be wrong. I frequently am. But I am not wrong about the amount of standing and running water we have around here right now.
I could be wrong. I frequently am. But I am not wrong about the amount of standing and running water we have around here right now.
All right. I woke up this morning thinking about a friend of Mr. Moon's whose wife died a few months ago. I can't remember exactly when but it hasn't been that long. She had been very sick for over five years and although she went through every known medical treatment known to doctors, it was inevitable that she was not going to be cured of the disease that did indeed, finally take her. Mr. Moon told me yesterday that this friend of his was vacationing in Key West with a woman friend. And he said, before I could comment on this, "I don't blame him. He deserves some happiness."
And in all honesty, I believe this too.
But isn't this a tricky subject?
I've often told Mr. Moon that if I died I know he'd be remarried within a year. And I truly think he would be. This is the way of it. He is a domestically inclined man and he is used to the comfort of a wife. And I guess I'm at peace with that, knowing he'd find another sweetheart very quickly, but of course there is a part of me that would like to think that after having me as a wife for all these years, he would not be satisfied with any other woman.
And that, my friends, is pure ego and has nothing to do with reality.
And in all honesty, I believe this too.
But isn't this a tricky subject?
I've often told Mr. Moon that if I died I know he'd be remarried within a year. And I truly think he would be. This is the way of it. He is a domestically inclined man and he is used to the comfort of a wife. And I guess I'm at peace with that, knowing he'd find another sweetheart very quickly, but of course there is a part of me that would like to think that after having me as a wife for all these years, he would not be satisfied with any other woman.
And that, my friends, is pure ego and has nothing to do with reality.
When Glen told me about his friend I said, "I wonder how his kids feel about that?" and he said, "Well, they're grown so they probably understand."
But do they? How would our kids feel if one of us died and the left-behind partner hooked up with someone in a short amount of time? I think they would be glad to know that their parent was happy but I also think it would be hard on them.
But do they? How would our kids feel if one of us died and the left-behind partner hooked up with someone in a short amount of time? I think they would be glad to know that their parent was happy but I also think it would be hard on them.
I have experience with this situation, as does Glen because after Glen's mother died, his father and my mother began courting and were married within months. And how did Glen and I feel about this?
Pretty fucking freaked out. His parents had had a long and happy marriage. Of course, that was an unusual situation. Neither of our parents had just married some rando they'd known at church or something. It felt...very, very weird. And I loved Glen's daddy with all my heart and he was the best thing that could ever have happened to my mother whose two former marriages had been vastly unhappy.
And then, within a few months of their marriage, Glen's daddy was diagnosed with liver cancer and he died shortly thereafter and ended up being buried next to Glen's mother in a cemetery up in Tennessee where they had lived most of their life. He had offered my mother the plot next to him on the other side but she wanted to be cremated and wasn't really into the idea of spending eternity in a plural marriage, so to speak. But when I say that the funeral in Tennessee which was mostly attended by friends and family who had known Glen's parents as a couple for so many years was awkward, I am not kidding you at all.
My mother did not lead an easy life. She really didn't.
Pretty fucking freaked out. His parents had had a long and happy marriage. Of course, that was an unusual situation. Neither of our parents had just married some rando they'd known at church or something. It felt...very, very weird. And I loved Glen's daddy with all my heart and he was the best thing that could ever have happened to my mother whose two former marriages had been vastly unhappy.
And then, within a few months of their marriage, Glen's daddy was diagnosed with liver cancer and he died shortly thereafter and ended up being buried next to Glen's mother in a cemetery up in Tennessee where they had lived most of their life. He had offered my mother the plot next to him on the other side but she wanted to be cremated and wasn't really into the idea of spending eternity in a plural marriage, so to speak. But when I say that the funeral in Tennessee which was mostly attended by friends and family who had known Glen's parents as a couple for so many years was awkward, I am not kidding you at all.
My mother did not lead an easy life. She really didn't.
But back to the situation wherein my husband became my stepbrother- the jokes were endless. And as I told my therapist when I was describing all of this, "Will the incest NEVER end?"
And yet, of course we wanted our parents to be happy and if that meant they married each other, well, so be it.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all of this. Obviously, no where at this point. But I suppose I'm just pointing out that the dating and possible remarriage of someone who was married for a very long time can be a delicate minefield. Especially for the children of that long-time marriage, no matter how old they are.
I'm sure some of you may want to know how I would feel about dating or remarriage if my husband preceded me in death and I have to say that statistically and practically, the chances of me meeting another man whom I felt I could love enough to marry in that situation would be practically nil. As for dating- forget it. Don't you have to go out on a date? Do I go out anywhere?
Not so much.
And yet, of course we wanted our parents to be happy and if that meant they married each other, well, so be it.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all of this. Obviously, no where at this point. But I suppose I'm just pointing out that the dating and possible remarriage of someone who was married for a very long time can be a delicate minefield. Especially for the children of that long-time marriage, no matter how old they are.
I'm sure some of you may want to know how I would feel about dating or remarriage if my husband preceded me in death and I have to say that statistically and practically, the chances of me meeting another man whom I felt I could love enough to marry in that situation would be practically nil. As for dating- forget it. Don't you have to go out on a date? Do I go out anywhere?
Not so much.
I guess I've belabored this topic plenty for one day but I will say that I hope with every fiber of my being that I die before my husband. Whether we're speaking romantically or practically I have no idea what I would do without him.
Literally.
And in a way, it does comfort me to know that if I go first, there will be women lined up at the door wearing lipstick and holding casseroles.
Because I do love him and I do think he deserves to be happy.
Literally.
And in a way, it does comfort me to know that if I go first, there will be women lined up at the door wearing lipstick and holding casseroles.
Because I do love him and I do think he deserves to be happy.
Also, I'll be dead so I won't know a thing about it, which in itself is a comfort.
Love...Ms. Moon
This is plain freaky. There is a man buried in a very old part of a cemetery in Titusville, PA. He had wives who died very young, not uncommon for the time. But all his wives were named Mary'. There was a 4 sided monument, 3 Marys and him. It struck us as funny then and Tim remembered it all those years later. I said, 'well, it is sensible. When I kick off, find yourself another 'Debby'. It will make life easier. You can be pretty forgetful sometimes." And we laughed and laughed.
ReplyDeleteAll joking aside, I know that I would never marry again. No desire to be married. I think that Tim would remarry, and quickly. It does not bother me in any way to think that.
Maybe he just called them all Mary. It was part of the marriage agreement. You made me laugh telling Tim he should find another "Debby." Too true!
DeleteWell, you are one of the most practical women I've ever met in blogworld (or perhaps any world) and I am not surprised at all about your attitude to Tim remarrying. I think you're being realistic.
My great aunt and uncle were probably the most happily married couple I’ve ever known. She died first, in late summer, and one very enterprising neighbor lady appeared at the door a day or two after the funeral, casserole in hand, and tried to date up the new widower for a New Year’s Eve dance. Happily, Uncle Marty found this amusing. Margaret
ReplyDeleteThis is not just a cliche- women really do show up with casseroles. It's sort of sweet that Uncle Marty only found that amusing.
DeleteAnd about all that water. It comes also from all the creeks that feed into your creek. Or the ditches. It doesn't all come down from the heavens.
ReplyDeleteBut all the water in those creeks was so high from the rain, wasn't it? And ditches, yes.
DeleteI am not in any way interested in a relationship with any man. I had my one love and that's enough for me. He's been gone nearly two years and I am cosure that I would not ever find someone evenremotely equal to him. I'm learning to live on my own with beautiful memories.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is a completely understandable attitude. I admire that.
DeleteI think men need marriage much more than women do. It's basically designed by them, for them. I know plenty of happy single older women, who are delighted not to be catering to anyone, however lovingly they did it.
ReplyDeleteI've also noticed widowed men,husbands of my friends, who've married again so rapidly that it's clear they had a candidate waiting in the wings. Just sayin'
Oh, I know you're right on both points! Men do need marriage more than men which is really odd as we've always thought about it in the opposite way.
DeleteAnd I suppose that a lot of men do have another women waiting in the wings whether their relationship with them has been romantic or just friendly. I can see married men looking at women they know and thinking, "If I weren't married..."
Whoa! Hold up there! Glen's father and your mother were married? I have been reading "Bless Our Hearts" for a few years now and I never expected that nugget of information to appear in the stream! As for your hypothetical musings about what might happen if Glen died first, I am sure that there are several men in the blogosphere who might come a-knocking on your door. They say that Englishmen are especially chivalrous and lovable. Do you know any?
ReplyDeleteI know I've written about this before. Perhaps it was just so traumatic for you that you've forgotten it, Mr. P.! I know that Glen and I do not dwell on it very much.
DeleteI hardly think that any Englishman would cross the ocean to show up at my house.
Studies show that those that were most happily married, remarry more quickly. Had a friend that was still so in love with her husband when he died. Within a year she was getting married again. In their 60s so why wait. One of her daughters asked if she was lonely, why she didn’t get a dog. Her reply was no wonder you don’t have any kids.
ReplyDeleteI've read about that study. And what you said about your friend who remarried after her husband died telling her kids that no wonder they didn't have children made me laugh. It is very hard for "young" people to imagine that "old" people might have many of the same desires and needs that they have.
DeleteI think women are better able to manage post loss (through death or divorce). Men seem to need the company.
ReplyDeleteHow sad that Glen's father and your mother had such a short time together.
There is no way I would remarry. As you say - that would require leaving the house and meeting people!
Honestly, Ms. Merlot, my mother and Glen's father were very different types of people and I"m not sure they would have been happy together once the shine dulled on the marriage. Glen and I have discussed that.
DeleteSo we'll mark you down as one who would never remarry. Okay. Got it.
I think Boud has it right.
ReplyDeleteShe generally does.
DeleteIt sort of breaks my heart that your Mama never found a true and lasting love...some people are just unlucky in love and relationships it seems. Bless her heart.
ReplyDeleteI know Glen has a smart business mind and hopefully has/will tend to the future properly if you were to die first. (Sorry but I worry about these things). My warning tale...I knew a wealthy Dr, married with 3 boys. The boys were older when their mother died and within a short time the Dr dad remarried. They were married several years, then he died. A few years later the lady died. Everything, and I mean "everything" went to HER children, his sons got NOTHING. This was so wrong but their dad had not properly planned for this scenario happening. I know laws are different in each state, just make sure a trust or will is in place so your kids will get what is rightfully theirs. You never know what the future holds. If Glen has already dealt with all this, that is great! and I will rest my worrisome mind. Or I'll just find something else to worry on... such as, I've noticed your frequent commenter Susan M hasn't commented in a while (unless I overlooked her) She is such a dear, I hope all is well with her. Please let us/me know if you hear anything.
Peace out, Angie D
My mother made terrible choices when she married her first two husbands. Just the worst.
DeleteYour story about what happens when people don't set things up properly for after their deaths is a cautionary tale for sure. Glen and I have wills but we definitely need to refine and define them better.
My ex-the first shacked up with his girlfriend long before we even divorced, but he never did marry her, they separated when their child was still under school-age. So I don't think he will marry again, even if I died first. Which is unlikely.
ReplyDeleteI think the time gap between someone dying and the living partner remarrying needs to be a bit longer than a few weeks or months, at least a longer time so any children, even adult children, have more time to get used to and accept the idea.
You and Treader both had 100% assholes as husbands. I can relate...
DeleteI wonder why it can be harder for children, even grown children, to accept the fact of a new step-parent than it is for the remaining parent to jump into another relationship. Perhaps it's because a mother or a father cannot be replaced in a life. Not that the living spouse is replacing their dead spouse but in a way, they are.
Just like River my ex-husband shacked up with his garden tool while we were still married (hence the divorce). When that ended he hooked up with a former classmate and they are still together, although whether or not he/they are happy is debatable. Problem is, he can't be on his own. My kids seemed to accept this even if they don't like the latest gf. I'm not sure how they would have reacted if I had remarried but since I'm not in the slightest bit interested in EVER getting remarried I guess it's a moot point! I love my single life and won't be changing that for anything!
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for loving your single life at all. I can totally understand. You must wake up every morning and think, "I am FREE!"
DeleteWe have a case like that, mother married father of son-in-law in our circle of friends and the adult children on both sides needed a lot of time to accept it. A very long time.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty certain that I will die before my man but of course could be wrong. We often argue who will get to hang on and how and he tells me that him being seven years older has statistics on his side while I think I can top that with the chronic illness. He claims he would never get another partner. And I sort of believe him as he is a man of fixed habits and not very open to changes or brand new ideas. I made him sign a paper that he will at least get some house help. I shudder to think of the shape of things once he's in charge of laundry and cleaning.
I love that you made your husband sign that paper! At least he can cook. The same can not be said for my husband and although my children are very loving and attentive, I can't see them having the time or energy to provide meals for their widowed daddy forever. He'd figure out a way to eat, I'm sure. As to laundry and cleaning- we have a joke that if he ever DID clean the bathroom, he'd do an excellent job. Forty years on and I'm still waiting for proof.
DeleteOne of my parent's neighbors was an elderly couple. The wife developed dementia and eventually lived in a care home. The husband visited every single day, etc., but started "seeing" another woman in the development. My dad never spoke to the man again. He thought it was the most disrespectful act toward Ellen. My dad passed before my mom; she missed him w/every ounce of her being until she met him again in December 2022. If my mom had passed first, my dad would have simple come home and died; he couldn't and wouldn't have wanted to live without her.
ReplyDeleteOh, Elle. There are many types of love stories and that is certainly a precious one. Thank you for sharing it.
DeleteMy father asked ME to find him a woman 10 days after my mother passed. Not a nice man for many reasons.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is 11 years older than me, so he often talks about "going" first. I don't think I would remarry. I was a single parent for many years. My husband goes out of the country to his childhood village each year for six weeks so I am alone during that time. The house is immaculate for six weeks and I can enjoy activities I don't get to do during the rest of the weeks. I also agree with Boud that women may enjoy not catering to anyone if they are alone. The toilets would stay clean. My husband said he would not remarry if I went first; he's had enough of women! haha--I ruint him??. He said because of his age women would only "want" him if he had money! (Which he doesn't!) In spite of what I've written here, we do have a lovely, peaceful marriage and home. I would miss him. And get another dog...
I love the new banner of your porch.
Patricia
Oh my god, Patricia- your father is, well. I won't say what I'm thinking. But that's gross on so many levels.
DeleteMy husband spends time away too, going off to fish and hunt and be with friends and I do not mind the time alone at all. But I always think that one of the reasons is because I know he'll be back.
I think your husband is correct on why many women marry much older men. Like decades of age difference. Money. And I'm sad to say that so many men are so vain that they are easily persuaded that that is the last thing on a woman's mind.
I'm glad you like the new banner. It was time.
Yes. My father was a bad bad man. And it haunts me and my sister to this day.
DeleteWell, I am divorced and never, ever have wanted to date or marry again. The thought is just "ugh"!! So I don't have to worry about that.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know what you want!
DeleteIf it was my father, I would think he was being disrespectful of my mother by dating so quickly. If he waited longer, I might be okay with it. If he waited a more reasonable amount of time (giving us all time to grieve the loss) I think I'd be fine with it. After all, being lonely in old age is hard. I would understand. But if it was just after a few months I'd wonder if he'd lost his mind. As for me, I don't think I'd get married again if I lost my husband. But you never know. Loss and loneliness are powerful incentives to meet new people.
ReplyDeleteYour last line is perfectly true. Most people do not want to be alone.
DeleteThat IS some new ground! Did I know that Mr. Moon's dad married your mom? I'm not sure I did. What a tangled web! And yet, no reason they shouldn't get married, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteMy stepmother dated a bit after my dad died -- or maybe "dated" is too strong a word, as it was more like flirting -- and though she never seriously considered remarriage I did think about how weird it would be. Even weirder if she was my actual mother. But then again, people adjust to changes, as they must in this world.
Steve, I'm sure I've written about this before. Perhaps, as I said to Mr. P., you've just blocked it because it's so weird. And let's face it- it IS weird.
DeleteIf your stepmother keeps taking cruises, she may find someone else after all! Or, she may have discovered by now that she likes being alone. Who knows?
I remember when you wrote about it. Hard to forget such a strange thing!
ReplyDelete