Ready For My Close-Up!

Hoo-boy. Do I have a story to tell today. I should probably be embarrassed to tell this story but I am not. I think it's hysterical. The incident I am going to discuss happened on my walk today. Yes! I took another walk! Hoo-ray for me! 

Yeah, whatever.

So I wanted to do another shortish walk but perhaps a little longer than the last one. So I walked about half a mile down the sidewalk and came back and then headed "into Lloyd" which basically means I walked up Highway 59 again, past the GDDG and around the corner to Main Street, past the fally down house, etc. About two miles in I had to pee. Pretty badly. Okay, desperately. And at that point I was in "downtown Lloyd" meaning I was walking on a road with houses on it. Now because I know myself and know that I cannot walk for more than a few miles without peeing, I've got my secret places on every route I take where I can duck into the woods and pee in private. I have been doing this for decades. Not kidding. And indeed, I have a pee place in Lloyd right next to the big old Baptist church. There's a tiny trail that I never knew existed until I was looking for a place to pee once and like a heavenly revelation, I spotted the place you see above. It's just a little old trail, overgrown, off of a side road to the church. I can go down that trail and then around a slight bend, and not be seen from anywhere, especially in the summer when all of the bushes are full and the grass is high. As you can see. 
So I was hoofing it down the trail to the bend in it, got there just in time, pulled down my britches, squatted and peed and as I was putting myself back together I looked directly in front of me and saw this. 

I mean- directly in front of me. And for those of you who do not know, that is a trail cam, a camera that hunters generally place in the areas they are interested in hunting to get an idea of the game traffic. Or, someone could put one up in order to identify trespassers. Or...I do not know what. I cannot imagine why anyone would put a trail cam a foot off the ground unless they were looking for gators or raccoons or snakes or possums. 

For about a second, I was horrified, but I got over that real fast. And then I just laughed and took a picture of it. I had about zero fucks to give when it came to someone retrieving the card from their camera to find an old sweaty woman peeing in the woods. 

All these years of me peeing outside and I was never once caught unawares, as far as I know. I knew it had to happen eventually but I never thought I'd get caught on camera. What are the odds of me accidentally squatting right there? And it's definitely got a card in it, according to Mr. Moon, my resident trail cam authority. 

All I could think of was, "Don't look if you don't wanna see."

And that sums up how I feel about the situation. 

I texted the kids when I got home because this was too rich not to share. They laughed too. When Mr. Moon got home from the gym I showed him the pictures and told him the story and I think he was more upset about it than I was. 

"I'll go get that card and leave the guy a note," he said. 
"Why? I don't care." 
"Well, whoever it belongs to is going to see you around here and recognize you."

"So what? And it's probably one of those Baptists and I'll never see them anyway." 

And then he offered to go and pee in front of the camera himself which I thought was a very loving and generous thing to offer. 

So that was my big adventure for the day. I'll probably be laughing about this for months. Or years. And now I guess that when I'm hiking off into the woods I need to watch not only for snakes and gators but also trail cams. 
Sigh. 

I bet you anything that whoever sees that video is going to think that without a doubt I chose that spot on purpose. 

I guess I truly have lost all of my dignity at this point. One less thing to worry about. One less useless thing to burden myself with. 

The rest of the day has just been a hot, muggy mess. I did hang laundry and did not get yellow-fly bit. I also started something when I dusted the table in the Glen Den that the TV is on and then moved on to another table in the hallway and then to the piano and next thing I know I'm rearranging pictures and shit and suddenly, all of the dust might as well be lit by neon spotlights. I had one of those dreams last night wherein I was in a house that someone had given me and it was filled, packed, with old and possibly valuable stuff and also bedding plants that needing tending and this dream does not require a psychiatrist to interpret, does it? The only thing missing was a child I needed to take care of but in a new twist, an old friend of mine did get his thumb bitten off by a dog. Not sure where that came from. 

I made myself stop at the piano but I am going to get to the old vanity in the hallway that is sort of an altar and I am going to take care of business there. I MEAN IT! And then I'll move on to the sideboard in the dining room that is completely cluttered with sewing stuff and craft stuff and board games and pictures and clear that off and throw away some stuff and clean the sideboard and before you know it, things will be under control here. 
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

No they won't. 

Here's a picture of an old chest that my ex's cousin's then-wife left in my care about forty-five years ago and never came back to retrieve that's in the hallway. The veneer is peeling off and it is not an attractive piece of furniture. Mr. Moon told me the other day that we need to get rid of it but I told him that it wasn't mine and also that it has stuff in it that I don't know where else I'd store. He sighed.

So I threw a lovely piece of bark cloth that Linda Sue sent me over it and put three monstero leaves in a pitcher on top of that. That looks lovely, right? 

Mr. Moon is not here at the moment because he had to go to town to deal with some difficult issues involving an encampment that has been built and is being built behind some commercial property we own. For years we've had a decent relationship with the folks who stay there and let them use the water from a hose connected to a spigot on one of the buildings but things have gotten out of hand and tenants are complaining and this just feels like a horrible situation and it is. There is no good outcome here.

So he will definitely need a martini when he gets home and in my efforts to support him, I am keeping his glass very cold in the freezer.

I try to be a good wife (she said while sipping her own martini). 

Look who showed up again yesterday. 

I took the poor thing a little food but it's so skittish that it ran away and I have no idea if it came back for it or not. It's empty. 

Perhaps we should put up a trail cam to see who comes to dine at night. 

Or pee in our backyard. 

Happy Friday, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon