Ask Ms. Moon (An Actual Letter!)

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. Moon, I would be thrilled if you responded to my Ask A Question..... I LOVE advice columns ... you should check out Ask Nicole Georges.

I have been unemployed for just over a month and a half now. I have been trying to get up early, see some sun, drink a coffee and shake it off. Write up some cover letters and such.

But I have to level with you. It is really tough waking up early and chasing fictional ponies out of my eyelids and getting right enough to write a letter..

What is your advice to help me wake up all bright eyes and bushy tails?

When I wake up before the sun is up I feel a lot of anxiety and fear ... I get lonely and scared waking up before anyone else is.

So how should I do this? I'm scared of getting up before dark and finicky with being awake around other folks.

i would love your input. xo xo.

Dear Anonymous,

It is interesting that you should ask me this question. Just last night Mr. Moon and I were driving home from Tallahassee where we'd had our supper and were in a neighborhood near where we lived some years ago. As we were coming home, we were driving down streets where I used to walk in the very early mornings when it was still dark, back when my children were so young that the only way I could exercise was to do it before they were awake and before my husband went to work.

I thought about that as we drove down the dark streets- how it had felt to be one of the only people up and out on the road, the way it felt to walk the sidewalks in front of the houses which were still mostly dark, the people inside of them still asleep in their beds.

I remembered walking past the daycare center for hospital employees and seeing women dropping off their babies in the pre-dawn hour and I remembered feeling so sorry for them- the mothers and the children who had to be up so early and I was so grateful that I was able to stay home with my children and that helped to remind me that even though I was "forced" to walk at such an ungodly hour, it was worth it and there was a good reason.

I remembered the endless miles that I walked, up and down those roads, around those blocks, across streets and down little alleys and how as I walked, the sky would begin to get lighter and the houses would start to come alive with lights coming on, with the smells of coffee and bacon coming from them. Birds would start to sing and yet, by the time I got home, everyone would still be asleep because I always left early enough to have a few minutes to myself when I got in to drink some coffee, to sit out on the back steps and cool down and watch the rest of the morning come on in before I had to start up with the babies and the children and the breakfasts and the lunch packing and the where's-my-homework?- I-need-you-to-sign-this chaos that was just about to start.

In some ways, that hour or so to myself before the sun came up was the best part of my day because it was mine.

It was not, of course, easy to get up and make myself dress silently and get out to walk. In fact, I had to force myself to do it, most mornings but the reason I did was because I realized the exercise was vitally important to my health, both physically and mentally, and the time alone was precious. I think the trick for me was not to even THINK about it when the alarm went off. Just to roll out of bed and put on the clothes that I had waiting, tie my shoes, and get out there and do it. If I had stopped to think, I could have found a thousand reasons not to go. Too cold. Might rain. My stomach doesn't feel good. Etc.

I don't know if you have children, Anonymous, but even if you don't, I am sure you're aware of how much life and all the people around us demand our time and attention. I think it is of utmost importance to have some time to ourselves and the only way to do that is to TAKE it. Like a vacation or a nap, no one will ever give that to us. We must take it ourselves.

If that time is important to you, you must take it. If that means going to bed a little earlier, then you should go to bed a little earlier because there is nothing worse than sleep deprivation.
You certainly don't want to make yourself ill while trying to do something nice for yourself.

Perhaps, before you start to try and do something as business-like as writing cover letters, you should drink your coffee and write for fifteen minutes. Just get a notebook and let your mind wander and don't pick your pen up off the paper for the straight fifteen minutes. If all you can think of to write is, "I am feeling anxious and fearful," then write that. Just keep writing. Drink your coffee. Let the ponies gather themselves from your eyelids and amble out to pasture. Before you know it, you will be feeling more awake, I promise, and also less anxious and fearful. Eat a yogurt or something to remind your body that you are taking care of it and to get your blood sugar up. It's not important to be fully aware and ready to solve the problems of the universe in the first few moments of awakening. Let yourself come awake slowly and gently and don't even wonder why you're up so early. Just be.

And before you know it, the sun will be up, you'll have had a head start on your day and will have given yourself a gift. The gift of taking time for you and you alone.

But you know, I have to say, that not everyone is a morning person. If all your efforts do not make you feel better or more productive, then perhaps it would be best to figure out another way to carve out time for yourself. Just because it worked for me to get up early to do what I wanted and needed to do, doesn't mean it will work for you.

Thank-you so much for writing. I hope I've given you at least a little bit to think about. I hope that you can learn to enjoy time alone in the morning and feel less anxious about it. What is it that makes you feel anxious, specifically? The being alone part?
If so, try to remember that when you are with yourself, you are never alone. You have yourself. You have your pen and your paper and your thoughts to set down.

And if it's the coffee- perhaps a mug of Earl Gray tea would be a more gentle way to get some caffeine in yourself.

Experiment.

I wish you the greatest success in finding new employment. When you do, I feel certain that your anxieties and fears will dissipate.

And perhaps someone else will have some even better insights and suggestions and will post them as comments. I have some very wise readers and friends here in the Blogosphere.

Yours truly....Ms. Moon