Things I've Learned This Week

A few random bits of wisdom, gleaned from my life right here in Lloyd, Florida, the land that time forgot but that I certainly never will:

According to Esquire Magazine, a poll done by the Pew Research Center says that Americans would be less likely to support a candidate if he or she were:
Black: 6%
Catholic: 7%
Jewish: 11%
A Woman: 12%
Hispanic: 15%
Evangelical Christian: 16%
Mormon: 25%
Muslim: 45%
and the highest percentage of all goes to
Atheist: 61%
To me, this says that Americans are far more apt to vote for a candidate who believes in magical underwear (Mormon) than one who does not believe in God. As are Americans far more apt to vote for someone who's faith decrees that their infant sons' penises must be mutilated right after birth to please God (Jewish) than one who doesn't believe in that God.
Thank you very much and we certainly know who will not ever be running for president.
Me.

Moving on.

It makes men very, very happy to have an old car to work on.

Men will happily eat tofu if it is an ingredient in an egg roll and served up with plenty of duck sauce.

Especially if they know they're going to go work on their old car as soon as supper is over.

Jock Girl? She knows what she's talking about. I got up early this morning and walked before yoga and I feel so much better in every way for having done that.

Writing fiction can surprise you even more than reading it. I am sure that some authors can control their characters but I am not one of them. Perhaps this is because I am not a real author.

Knocked Up may be a low-brow comedy that certainly doesn't pander to my demographic and it may not portray childbirth, life, or love in a very truthful way but DAMMIT! it's funny as shit.

The expression funny as shit is one that I don't quite understand but I use it a lot.

Bodies remember anniversaries of all sorts, even if minds don't.

The sins of the father are visited yea, unto at least the next generation.

Old rock and roll is the BEST rock and roll.

The high cost of fuel is going to change a lot of things for every single one of us. Not all of these things will be negative.

A husband who OFFERS to take you to see the Sex and the City movie is not a husband who is worried about his manhood.

And one who should not be taken for granted.

And who probably thinks he's going to get to see a few movie-star bosoms.

Eggplants can certainly grow themselves into some interesting shapes. I mean really. Please.


Don't even try to tell me that's a nose. Or a.. chin cleft?

One of the coolest things in the eat-UP-with-cool county of Wakulla is the XLERATOR hand dryer in the restroom of the Kangaroo convenience store. You have never seen anything like this. Go now. It's worth the gas money. They have decent coffee at the Kangaroo, too. And while you're rambling around the county, might as well check out the lighthouse, Ouzt's II, the River Side cafe, Just Fruits and Exotics nursery, and the woman who sells boiled peanuts who will show you pictures of her grandchildren. But don't skip the XLERATOR. Really. It's the best.

The person who instituted the policy at Old Navy wherein all employees must walk around the store with an Old Navy canvas bag slung over their shoulder should be taken out and shot. Not only does it look ridiculous, especially on the men because it just screams, "Big old dork!" but also because none of the employees can get their work done due to the fact that they have to keep adjusting the strap to keep the bag from falling off.
This is just wrong.
Not going-to-war-in-Iraq wrong, but wrong nonetheless.

And last but not least, it has come to my attention that many, many blog commenters use the phrase, "You made me pee in my pants a little," or "That story made me throw up in my mouth a little," or some other thing a little, which is getting to be annoying a little, and which makes the commenters who use these phrases sound ridiculous a lot.

And that's about all I've learned this week.

I am so happy to have intelligent commenters on my blog who leave intelligent comments which do not involve the phrase "I peed in my pants a little". And honored. I wish we could all meet up in Medart to dry our hands with the XLERATOR together and then go to Ouzt's for a beer and discuss these and many other things.

Wouldn't that be fun?