I think something's going around. Everyone seems crazy.
Or is it just me?
Yesterday was a day of just feeling damn good about being alive and feeling fine. No bipolar mania there, just the calm serenity and acceptance of a very good life.
Today I woke up, did basically the same things as yesterday, and yet I feel as if I have wasted my entire life.
What causes these changes in attitude?
Is it all just chemicals? Do the stars impel us, or perhaps even compel us? Is it the barometric pressure?
All I know is that I keep finding myself wishing I could be in Roseland, staying by myself at that little cabana house beside the mythical pool of my childhood dreams.
Oh! Just to sit on that dock with the Sebastian River flowing beneath me, the sun about to set, the water roiling as the fishes go about their frantic evening feeding, the great blue heron balanced regally on one leg on the sandbar, the clouds above me scudding across before a threatening storm, the bamboo playing a rattling, clattering music on the bank in the wind.
How can a place that's less than half-a-day's drive seem so far away? As unobtainable as a trip to the pyramids of Egypt?
I don't know, but if I were there, I would stand on that dock with my face to the wind and I would not stop watching until the night had swallowed all the light and I had somehow managed how to incorporate all of me into one piece of wholeness again.
Oh, I don't know, I get the "I've wasted my entire life" feeling on a somewhat regular basis. I should start tracking the phases of the moon to see if the periods of despair are related to that. But, maybe some days just suck for no particular reason?
ReplyDeleteMama, it's a good month and a half before your birthday. Let's make it happen. Let's send you to Roseland.
ReplyDeleteYep. No particular reason, Ms. Other Blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd May- Dog Island is where I'll be watching the sunset and that is a beautiful thing, too. It's got everything but a Methodist Thrift Store and a Publix.
And it does have a Gulf of Mexico as well as sunsets, a bay, dolphins, and a whole lot of serenity. AND my own personal great blue heron.
It's just the full moon, ms moon.
ReplyDeleteWow I read the old post about Roseland. That kind of thing never happens to me. There is a secret commitee that destroys all the places I would like to visit from my past.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, us manic folk are always one defeat away from the blues, and one victoy away from bliss.
The dolphins are out in force around Dog Island right now, and the birds are everywhere. A day on the beach is never wasted.
ReplyDeleteI have been alternating my days between a sense of utter panic and bored resignation. I am yearning myself for July to come, when we have our annual family escape to our version of Roseland... an island in Maine.
ReplyDeleteYep, HWB, that Roseland situation was nothing short of miraculous magic. And man, I am totally aware and grateful for that one!
ReplyDeleteDTG- Randy was fishing out back of the Dog house and dolphin came so close he was afraid they were going to knock him over. Like two feet from him.
MM- yep. Panic and bored resignation. Pretty much sums it up.
And Sally - Oh my God! I knew that moon was getting full. You are right.