Mary's Place

I want it to rain. I want it to rain hard and I want the sky to be almost dark as night and it's fine with me if thunder and lightning crash and slash the earthy air, sharp with electricity and portent. 

I want this because I want the outside to match my inside right now which is dark and disturbed and charged with what surely must be negative ions although I have no idea how that works. But no, there are no clouds whatsoever or of any color in the sky right now which is as tranquil and pastel blue as an Easter egg, left in the dye for only a minute and the trees are getting greener every second and the birds are chirping like they have no idea of the sins and horrors and terrors of the world right now and that makes sense as they are birds and do not know. 
Maybe I just wish I was a bird. If I was a bird, though, I'd probably be one of those stupid cowbirds, banging its head into a window for hours on end trying to get to something that would be of no use to me even if I could get it.  

Eh, well. 

Pottery was fine with my girls. Jessie carved on a mug she'd made and why I did not take a picture, I do not know. It is exquisite. Absolutely exquisite with plants and flowers and a bee and it's all so precise and yet so cheerful, too. And Lily worked on the bowl (or is it a vase?) she's making with coils, the way the indigenous people made them. Make them? 
It is taking perfect shape and looks good. 
Me? Ay-yi-yi. I guess I'm making a wind chime with ceramic leaves. Perhaps I will finish this project. 
After class we went to the pizzeria where May works. I always love seeing her there but it's frustrating because there we are, sitting at a table while she serves us, talking and laughing and I feel so guilty and today was especially frustrating because she had so many customers which, I know, I know, is the aim of the business but I could tell that every second she spent talking to us she felt guilty. Not a perfect situation by any means. But at least I do get to see her, to hug her. Today she and Lily discussed details about Maggie and Gibson going to work with May on the county schools' "Take Your Kid To Work Day". Last year Maggie said that this year, instead of going to work with Mom or Dad, she wanted to go to work with Aunt May, and Aunt May had said, of course! and Maggie, of course, did not forget. I am not sure how Gibson got his foot in the door too but he did. 
May said that she was planning on having the kids clean the big front windows and I said, "Good luck with that," and we all laughed. 

So yes, there has been sweetness in my day because any time that I spend with my kids is good time. But even there, in between bouts of laughing (my kids are the funniest), I teared up several times. 

This is just the way of it now.

Two other light and sweet moments:

I went to Costco to get a few things I decided I needed while I was right there anyway and saw Beautiful Brenda of the Mermaid Eyes. We hugged SO hard. And everyone who walked by her said, "Hey Brenda!" and she knew all their names and obviously, I am not the only one who loves that woman. 
And as I was leaving, a woman said to me, "Where did you get those overalls?" 
"Duluth Trading Company!" I said. She responded with such enthusiasm that I believe she may actually buy some for herself. Her husband (I assume) was trailing behind her in a motorized cart and he said to me, "Overalls! I haven't seen any of those for awhile!"
"You obviously haven't been hanging around with me," I said as I loaded my groceries into my car. I wasn't in the mood to discuss it. I suppose if I had been, I would have told him that I am famously known as the Bitch in the Overalls and that is that. 

Damn Duluth should be paying me. Or at least giving me free overalls. 

Somehow this video seems appropriate. Yeah, it's too long. No need to really watch it. But it's made me feel a little better. Springsteen suffers greatly from depression which is sort of crazy, isn't it? But when he's onstage, he is happy and when he is onstage, he is making thousands of others happy. I have certainly been one of those. 
Bless him. 

Let it rain. 

Love...Ms. Moon